America’s couple, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are divorcing. Today, we tried to heal. Segment 1 – “It’s over for everyone” (3:21). Segment 2 – The High Lady plans her next move (1:36). Now we know why K-Fed tried to save the penny… We also had a lot of post-election stuff on today’s show. The…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Having a mother is simultaneously a deeply personal and widely universal experience. Honor those nurturing energies in your life by either talking with your mother or honoring the mother you’ve created from the body parts of dead streetwalkers you found in Vegas. Gemini (May 21 – June 21) The…
Shocker! Britney Spears has filed for divorce. He was on the WWE again last night. I wonder if the fact he makes more money wrestling than he ever will as a singer had anything to do with that decision. I wonder if someone told her that her kids would get half their DNA from Federline?…
In a blatant ripoff of our Free For all Friday feature, we did “You Decide” Tuesday, so our listeners could decide if they cared to talk about politics or something completely irrelevant. Guns and pancakes (2:51) Morrison stash (3:16) Morrison facial hair: a threat to global warming. Stooks in the Morning hits the 12 listener…
Leo (July 23 – August 22) The stars give you the ability to think, talk and act at the speed of light. But you still won’t be able to get to the bathroom in time after a 4 a.m. stop at Denny’s. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Go ahead and give in to a…
Snoop Dogg turned himself into police for weapons possession Monday. When he made bail, he signed autographs as if he was quite familiar with the surroundings. Hmmmmm. Madonna claims to be raising her baby as both Kaballah and Christian. That’s cheating. Kirstie Alley showed off her new body on Oprah Monday. Nope. Still no blood…
Photoshop Adam gave me one of his valuable dating tips: using iqtest.com to trick girls into thinking you’re smarter than you are. You take the test a couple times to get the answers down, then somehow talk the girl into taking the test with you. When you score 200, she apparently drops trow. Segment 1…
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Be careful whom you hang out with — you’re in an impressionable state of mind. Before you know it, beliefs, sayings and habits that aren’t really yours could become ingrained in your personality. Why don’t they list that side effect on the Robitussin bottle? Cancer (June 22 – July…
Everyone’s coming out this year. Doogie Howser is gay. NPH would never do that. Madonna encourages her drivers to run red lights and violate other traffic laws to get away from the press. Then, she goes home and reads her Princess Di propaganda. Last I checked, Larry Birkhead’s website was down, but TMZ.com got a…
Another Free for All. The High Lady called with some nonsense (4:14). Mannheim Steamroller fan/Having babies between bouts of savings (1:26). The World Series was rigged/Messing with drunks (3:08). The problem with Coach’s in Salina (1:49). Justin Timberlake: Eunuch/Beating the cops (1:44). The million dollar drug bust (2:58).
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) A dearly held wish of yours is about to become reality. When it happens, you’ll have to make some big changes in your life. Some advice about how to deal with it is coming your way, albeit in a strange disguise. Damn you Halloween Costume clearance pricing! Gemini (May…
Anna Nicole is finally talking, well, was finally talking to reporters before her lung collapsed and she ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. The interviews started to air Thursday. Meanwhile, a sworn witness says Anna Nicole told her that Larry Birkhead is the father of her baby. Listen to ET henchman Mark Steines at…
Almost everyone in my apartment building will give a simple grunt or even look away when I say “hey, how’s it going?” We wonder why people can’t say “hi.” Segment 1 (3:33) Segment 2 (2:19) “Words with Chris Casey.” Today’s word: cherub (0:30). The Stoner plans to watch “Borat” in an interesting manner (2:39). How…
Leo (July 23 – August 22) There are few things more intoxicating than daydreams, Mel Gibson’s urine sample being one of them. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) A sudden burst of emotion could cause you to unleash your temper if you don’t take care. Otherwise you might just rip the head off the Happy…
Anna Nicole Smith is doing her first interview since everything happened. It’ll be on Entertainment Tonight Thursday. She must have some new weight pill to push. Oh, by the way, she’s in the hospital now for pneumonia. Kevin Federline got booed on Halloween. He’s living the white trash dream, of course they despise him. Madonna…
Donald Rumsfeld is speaking at K-State next Thursday. The Iraqi woman has some thoughts (4:06). Bob Barker is leaving the Price of Right in June. I shared some memories and convinced a listener into thinking Bob Barker murdered Rod Roddy (2:12). We also discussed whether everyone actually does hate Tom Cruise (3:02).
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Feeling like you’re ready to go beyond what you know and start exploring what really gets you excited? The stars say there’s no time like the present, except for the times that a guy takes it in the junk on the Saget edition of “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” Cancer…
Uh oh! Madonna’s new baby is wearing the Kaballah bracelet! It all makes sense now. Kevin Federline says if you hate on him, it just motivates him and then you better watch out! Bob Barker’s retiring from The Price is Right. He’ll do his last show in June. Unbelievable stat: he’s been doing the show…
It’s Halloween, so we asked, what frightens you? Segment 1 – Clowns and midgets (2:25). Segment 2 – Cubicles (0:45). Segment 3 – Pez and midgets revisited (2:00). Segment 4 – Public restrooms (1:47). New fear, anyone? DeMone the Demon called to warn us about his intentions this Halloween (2:08).
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Dreams? Intuition? This is unlike you — but the strangest thing of all is that you’re actually enjoying this softer side of your personality. Use it! Accessing a different kind of intelligence only makes you stronger, and it may help you figure out how to defrost your freezer. Gemini…
It’s Halloween, which means Kevin Federline’s new CD is out. Here’s one troubling review giving it a thumbs up. It may not matter, though. He’s already canceling tour dates because of poor ticket sales. Maybe if he did bong hits right on stage he could turn things around. Witnesses say Nicole Richie collapsed at a…
Photoshop Adam and I witnessed a couple d-bags trying to pick up a couple drunk chicks on the sidewalk, while the guys were in the car. Real classy. We discussed. Segment 1 (2:03).Segment 2 (0:49). This weekend, Chris’ team won the World Series. I’ve always been suspicious of Chris’ complete lack of emotion on most…
Leo (July 23 – August 22) Your magnetic personality gains an extra dose of cool glamor, but it’s definitely accompanies by a touch-me-not air. People might wonder what’s going on with you, but you just need a little space right now. And some hand sanitizer. And a dedicated handkerchief for opening doors. Sagittarius (November 22…
For the first time in forever, Michael Jackson is making a public appearance. He’ll accept an achievement award at the World Music Awards in London. Sadly for Michael, I can’t seem to think of any prepubescent male artists he could prey on there. Speaking of Michael, some random British woman says she’s the real baby…
Good calls today, everyone. Thanks. Here are the clips. Police ticket quota/Creepy archery teacher (4:15). “Practice! We talking ’bout practice!”/Political ads (3:51). “Recess is for violence” (1:26). PC Halloween (4:01). Spanking other peoples’ kids (4:20). No men in Salina/Hansel returns (1:57). Sperm in the Salina water (0:42). Spank it, or serve dinner on it. Your…
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) You’re able to accomplish something tremendous. You suddenly have the insight to realize that you’re in this for a marathon, not a sprint. Luckily, you’ve got the cankles for the job. Cancer (June 22 – July 22) You’re feeling quiet and serious. It’s a great time to draw up…
Nicole Richie’s in treatment, and working with a team who specializes in “nutrition.” Or, as the rest of us call it, “eating.” They say it’s not for an eating disorder, but it is to find out why she can’t gain weight. Shucks, that is a mystery! “I need to get Geppetto on the Blacberry to…
I was invited to a Halloween party, declined the invite, and then got scolded for not knowing how important going to Halloween parties is as “women are easy on Halloween.” We discussed. Segment 1 – It’s just easier to see the sluts (2:35).Segment 2 – The KKK Connection (1:11).Segment 3 – Double standard (3:33). “Well,…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) A little fire in your belly helps you attack a new task with vim and vigor. It’s time to eat those Fire Sauce packets you’ve been hoarding from Taco Bell. Gemini (May 21 – June 21) Being smart is one thing, but you’ve got the ability to transcend mere…
Madonna wasn’t that much of a blubbering idiot on Wednesday’s Oprah, and it helped that O is on her side. But now, hopefully trying to keep things funny, Ricky Martin is giving is support to Madonna’s adoption. To frighten even more people, he’s even threatening to adopt. Dr. Burke from Grey’s Anatomy publicly apologized for…