America took it right in the kisser yesterday. The Mitchell Report lists 86 players connected to performance-enhancing drugs. That’s right, a bunch of baseball players have used steroids. If only we would’ve seen this coming. I heard a lot of commentary that focused on a weird angle: Not only did superstars take steroids, but some…
I’ll be 27 a month from now. Even as immature as I am, I’m starting to feel as old as I am. Yesterday’s game of Hacky Sack nearly left me a cripple. Both of my hamstrings are sore and I pulled my right groin (currently taking applications for groin masseuse). This weekend, I’ll take part…
Hulk Hogan’s wife wants a share of their Florida mansions, alimony and child support. As long as she doesn’t run off with a third-rate wrestler, mix a bunch of drugs with alcohol and die, Hulk’s still got one up on Macho Man. You’ll never guess which one dies in a chemically induced haze
I went to the 810 Zone on the Plaza Saturday night. We, or at least I, drank way too much beer while spending the entire time in the impressive arcade room. I showed off my amazing strengh on the punching bag machine. We decided I was, pound for pound, the best boxer to ever…
Poor Barry. Barry Bonds, Major League Baseball’s all-time home-run leader, was indicted by a U.S. grand jury on charges of obstructing justice and perjury for lying about using steroids. This doesn’t affect my unending desire to play the Barry World on Super Mario Galaxy.
Me, dad and the bros went to the KU-Fort Hays State basketball game tonight. KU started with a 14-2 lead, so I thought we’d end up with seven times the points of Fort Hays State. 93-56 was the final. That isn’t even double their points. Weak. How come no team ever ends up with seven…
I’m watching the KU-Pitt State basketball game. The broadcast has already horrified me twice, only 30 minutes into the game. First off, Sasha Kaun is sporting a giant pubic mass on his head. I hope to God he doesn’t keep growing this thing out. It already looks much more pubic than the picture below. UPDATE:…
Boyz II Men shocked the world when they sang “God Bless America” during the seventh-inning stretch. How did Boston land that act? Seriously, though, what’s with all the gratuitous America loving? The Star Spangled Banner is more than enough. Here’s a compromise: hand out American flag lapel pins to the first 15,000 fans, and don’t…
Check out the losers on People’s Sexiest Fan Alive. Of course, the Red Sox fan is in first place. Here’s my write-in choice: Disqualified for choosing the Quaker Oats as his team By the way, I’ve been informed that Wilford Brimley could eventually infringe on Chuck Norris as most-used crutch for jokes. So you know,…
All this Goulet talk has me thinking about Lou Ferrigno. “I’m twice the size of Chris Benoit, and I never even killed a kitten!”
I hate online polls (see here and here). News broke this morning about the Royals hiring a new manager. So, they had to throw up an online poll. Sadly, Americans are suckers for polls. In an hour and a half, 700 people jumped at the opportunity to cast their meaningless vote. Screenshot. Clicking will get…
The only thing worse than hearing Mitch Holthus call Larry Johnson “The Centaur” is KC Star sports hack Jeffrey Flanagan quoting Mitch calling Larry “The Centaur.” Every Monday, Flanaboner will print sound bytes from the Chiefs’ TV and radio broadcasts. Today’s was especially annoying. “And he got his centaur tail up the field.” | Holthus,…
I’m quite happy the Yankees lost. I just wish Cleveland would’ve swept them. I don’t think I’d hate the Yankees nearly as much if there weren’t so many Yankees fans in Kansas City. I haven’t met too many New Yorkers in the metro, yet the number of Yankees fans at Royals games never fails to…
Today’s Chiefs game isn’t in high definition. Unacceptable. Channel 9’s local news broadcasts in high definition, and you’re telling me CBS doesn’t have enough high-def equipment to cover all their NFL games? They pay $622.5 million per year for NFL rights, and full-HD coverage puts them in the red? WTF? This pisses off and confounds…
Bonus: Mangino gets his boob tweaked.
Big game in Manhattan tomorrow. If K-State wins, there’d better not be any fans storming the field. I’m just saying. Act like you’ve been there. You’re favored to win. KU fans can’t be expected to know what to do in these types of situations, thanks to an almost complete indifference to football outside of games…
From the KC Star’s story on Kauffman Stadium renovations (bold mine): Also scheduled for completion: New bullpens, expanded dugout-box seating, expanded crown seating behind the plate, the removal of one circular ramp on each side and the construction of expanded vomitories to field-level concourse. I like to think I’m “down with words,” but I wasn’t…
Every time the noise meter comes on at Kauffman Stadium, I try my best to hush the crowd. “Shut up, it’s rigged! If everyone’s quiet, you’ll see!” They don’t listen. They just keep mindlessly screaming as the noise meter continues to climb, tricking all in attendance into thinking they just blew the top off the…
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but NFL quarterbacks have ugly green dots on the back of their helmets this year. Every helmet with a green dot has a headset inside. Only one headset is allowed on the offense at a time. With these fun dots, refs can make sure only one is on the…
It was bad enough that Chiefs fans had to endure the sub-horrible announcing team of Matt Vasgersian and Jayice “J.C.” Pearson for today’s game against the Vikings. Veteran KC Star sports hack Jeffrey Flanagan had to go and interview J.C. for this morning’s column. Why would you want to get perspective from the one guy…
(1:08) In this podcast, I address one of my biggest disappointments since returning to Kansas City. Note: You are not hallucinating.
My friends Kevin and Dan hosted a Slip N Slide party yesterday. For the obstacle course, participants start by chugging a beer. Then, a variety of water hazards await as the contestants pick up three flags in this timed challenge.
What if Michael Vick had sponsored bumfighting instead of dogfighting? Do you think Dr. Phil would invite him on his show and then throw him off without interviewing him? Or do you think he would’ve milked his moustache the interview a bit longer?