The problem with Mario

I hooked up my Nintendo Entertainment System (sometimes I call it NES for short) today.

Yeah, the old 8-bit.

I forgot how good of a game the original Super Mario Brothers was.

But there are some problems that need to be addressed.

1. I need to be able to play a one-person game with Luigi. That’s unfair that the only time I get to see Luigi is if I can trick somebody over to my place or try to play both characters at the same time, but then neither of my thumbs would work for weeks, and I wouldn’t be able to open a can of Sam’s Choice Cola, an underrated beverage available at a United States discount store known as Wal-Mart, which coincidentally hires a grandma to work at the front door, simultaneously making you go “ah, how cute” and “good lord, you’re frightening,” which are two tough emotions to have at the same time.

2. Give Mario and Luigi bigger brains. They always go to the crappy, minimum security castles first, trying to find Princess, even though it’s obvious Princess is a high-profile target who probably has a better captor than a giant lizard who can only blow flames. Toad is always at the end of the crap castles, and says “Thank you mario but our princess is in another castle.” No kidding, Toad. And does Toad keep on getting recaptured before the end of every stage? Or, are there legions of Toads somewhere, who are carted off to jail for some reason?

6 Replies to “The problem with Mario”

  1. That is such an awesome game. My NES broke just a few days ago, so this topic kinda makes me sad. I miss the lil guy.

  2. I have a NES at my parents house too, I still find myself playing on it every now and then. And when my friends would come over that is what they wanted to play. It is still to much fun! and you are right, it is like riding a bicycle, you never forget where the extra lives are and stuff like that.

  3. I myself am a big Mario fan. Mario 3 is my forte though, really. I never got into Mario 2, i don’t know why but i just think it sucks completley, anyone else agree? And yes, on certain occasions, i have beleived that princess is hot and is somewhat comparble to Jessica Rabbit.

  4. Mario is the shit. I used to play the game for hours at a time. The only problem i had with the game were the awful mushrooms. Those bastards ruined everything. Hey, speaking of mushrooms, I just ate some and the words on the screen are starting to bluuuuuuurrrrrrr the keys feeeell fuunnnyyyyy ii thieink iiimmm tttrrriiiippppiiiinnn mmmaaaannn aoidjfdsaiifiiatheitjahst00ksaiosdfj9s8s89isaidijfioaidadfst00ksdkfjkdjustin carson touched me when i was little.

  5. hey help me, have you ever considered suing your brain for lack of support?

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