Guinness Records

I haven’t been a fan of Guinness Records since I was a kid, although, I still can’t get the image of the longest fingernail woman out of my head. I’ve been anti-Guinness because it rewards freakshows and those with far too much time on their hands.

As of today, I’ve changed my ways.

People with the aptitude to go break the record for longest softball game, should probably go do it. Guinness is protecting the rest of us from spending time with these weirdos by giving them something to do. I would have to think you’d get a pretty awful conversation from someone who wants to break a knitting record.

I feel worse for the legit, birthright freakshows. Unlike manufactured record holders, the legit freakshows couldn’t avoid their fate. I can only imagine the weird looks they must get on the street. Why not reward them for being so different it messes up their lives?

I’m sorry for doubting you, Guinness. Thanks for taking one for the team.