On my drive home from work on Ward Parkway, several war protestors were stationed at the fountains roundabout. Among their signs was one that read “Honk for Peace.” I would say a bunch of cars honking during rush hour leads to the exact opposite of peace.
Now that I have a job dealing with the general public, I realize the importance of breath mints to our society. Seriously, it seems like some people eat butt at every meal.
As I was leaving Wendy’s for lunch yesterday, a young woman was sitting, Indian style, just outside the door. She was on her cell having a loud, uncomfortable, bitch-out session with her boyfriend. What the hell is wrong with people? And you just know her and the douche on the other end of the phone…
I heard it on the Internet that Barack Obama blew off American soldiers in Afghanistan. A friend forwarded an email from a soldier who said Obama didn’t even look at soldiers during his visit last week. He didn’t thank them for their service. Then, I remembered a thing called “Google.” I searched for the author’s…
In 2001, Tony Gonzalez collided with a sideline photographer. Thanks to the collission and trip to the hospital, the man found out he had a brain tumor. Tony saved his life. Last week, Tony Gonzalez performed the Heimlich maneuver on some dude at a restaurant, and saved his life, too. Gonzalez, sitting with his back…
Dumbass: A German man doused his BMW with gasoline and torched it on Friday in protest at skyrocketing fuel costs, police said. The unemployed 30-year-old man drove the black 1995 BMW 3-series sedan onto the lawn outside Frankfurt’s convention center grounds at about 7:30 a.m., police spokesman Karlheinz Wagner said. He then jumped out, emptied…
Dear News Corp, I know it’s in your interest to keep everyone stupid as shit, but do I really need to click 15 times to post a blog or do anything of significance on MySpace? The economy must really be hurting our boy Rupert Murdoch right now, otherwise you’d think he’d freshen this turd up.…
Some woman in India accidentally gave birth on the toilet of a moving train. This sounds scary enough, but apparently toilets on Indian trains are just open holes to the track below. So, the baby fell straight through the toilet and onto the tracks. They found the baby almost two hours later, still alive. The…
Missouri voted last night. Missouri is an important indicator in politics, thanks to its mix of urban and rural communities. This means I’ve had to hear almost every news douche opt for the “Missouruh” pronunciation in the last 24 hours. Here’s a good post about why a correct pronunciation doesn’t exist. But I don’t care…
The tall guy is the Guinness World Records holder for tallest man, at 7 feet, 9 inches. The little guy applied for the Guinness Record for the shortest man, at 2 feet, 9 inches. A pint of Guinness? (har har) I haven’t been a fan of Guinness Records since I was a kid, although, I…
I’m making my way through the Republican YouTube Debate. This is depressing, and not just because Anderson Cooper has to say “time” 15 times per response before a candidate finally shuts up. How about cutting a candidate’s mic 10 seconds after you say “time.” Why hasn’t CNN hired me yet? I haven’t been around all…
Gene Simmons shares his insight on the music industry. There is nothing in me that wants to go in there and do new music. How are you going to deliver it? How are you going to get paid for it if people can just get it for free? The record industry doesn’t have a f—ing…
The United States bridge team is facing a “Dixie Chicks-style backlash” for the sign below, which reads “We did not vote for Bush.” They were trying to convey a “hey, we didn’t vote for him, don’t boo us” message at the world bridge championships. What did they convey instead? Only our fuglies were smart enough…
This ad for “Hydroderm” is ridiculous. The left side of her face suffered at the hands of an acid spill, apparently. Look what happens when you make a complete face out of each half. With Hydroderm, your gray hair disappears, your face plumps up, your eyes become brighter, but unfortunately, you can no longer comfortably…
Since most of us are too dumb and/or lazy to figure it out ourselves, several websites let you enter your stance on different political topics, and spit out a list ranking the presidential candidates. That’s assuming you know what ANWR Drilling, Kyoto and Net Neutrality mean. Check it out here. It’s non-partisan and the code…
Have you seen the new iPhone ads with the douches talking about why they needed an iPhone? One particular ad annoys the hell out of me. The guy talks about how he had to carry a bag around to hold all of his electronic devices. Yes, I’ve done the same, but this guy’s reasoning is…
I got a couple of weird phone calls this morning. First, a woman called looking for Famous Dave’s. Ten minutes later, a man called, also looking for Famous Dave’s. I told both they had the wrong number. Then, I get a call from the dude’s number again. I was sitting at the DMV by this…
I do most of my email through GMail, but I still have an old Yahoo! address that gets some action. GMail retrieves the email from my Yahoo! inbox, but not the bulk folder. So, I go to Yahoo! and check it every week or so to make sure nothing important got snagged. I have to…