Everybody always talks about how great ice cream is. But if it disappeared off the face of the Earth, we’d get over it pretty quick.
I’ve always thought a professional massage would be a nice thing to get. But I’ve always been scared by the possibility my masseuse would end up being a 400-pound woman with hair growing out of an inch-wide lip mole.
The toilet paper roll should be positioned so the toilet paper comes out from behind the roll. You’ll never change my mind on this.
Bananas are one of the many foods I hate that I’ve never tried. Why? Because somebody was able to convince someone to put “anana” in the middle of a word. Looking like a phallus doesn’t help, either.
Build a giant Wal-Mart. Put the entire world in there. The only time you would ever have fights would be at Christmas.
Have you ever noticed that gas station attendants are the coolest people in the world? What happened?
You’re never more alone than when you’re showering in the dark.
People who didn’t read much before, read a lot more now thanks to computers. Unfortunately they’re reading LOL, BRB, and :).
If you want to feel true compassion for someone, go to hotornot.com
Why were marshmallows invented? I’m thinking you’d have to envision the s’more before you’d think of the marshmallow.
The Easter Bunny is the biggest manipulation of a holiday to make money. It doesn’t really bother me.
All people have this in common: they have all had that little body spasm right before they fall asleep, feeling like they’ll fall right off the bed.
Is gravy a condiment?
I bet every weatherman has lost a boatload of money at the casino.
Stooks, you have way too much time on your hands…
You never catch old people sleeping in past 8:00 am. Think about it, you will call your granparents at 10:30 am, have them not pick up, and later have them say “sorry I didnt pick up, i was stil in bed.” Really, do you people ever see an old movie start when you are about to go to bed and decide to stay up late and watch it, hence making you sleep in the next day? No, under no circumstances do they sleep in, yet they have no reason to get up in the morning, none.
The only reason “old people” don’t sleep in is 1. We have jobs. Let me specify, real jobs. Not drive thru jobs. 2. Have you ever slept next to a 58 year old woman who snores like a horse? Gravity sets in real good at 58 too. She used to look like any other pretty girl,perky rack slim waist, now she looks like one of those mirrors in a fun house. At first I thought is was my eyes playing tricks on me, then I had to face the cold, hard reality. She just gets older every year. Look forward to that when you are my age. 3.Get a job you lazy ass. Quit spending all of your time on the computer looking up porn and chasing cyber p#ssy. Make something of your life.
Hey man, I’ll call when I get the chance. Work keeps me pretty tied up. You need an afternoon show or more Saturday shows.
McKowski,
“The only reason ‘Old People’ don’t sleep in is…”
You listed three reasons, not one.
Within those three, only one really pertained to why old people don’t sleep in. Your first reason was why everybody else doesn’t sleep in, which was already pretty clear to me. And your #3 reason wasn’t even a reason at all. In fact, you went ahead and assumed that I am a “lazy ass” who needs to “quit spending all my time on the computer looking up porn and chasing cyber p#ssy.” That’s is quite profound. I didn’t realize that posting a comment about how old people get up so early automatically means I am a lazy ass who gets his thrills from a moniter. I also am umemplyed b/c of this. Do you think that in some crazy marketing scheme, the people from Dell decided decided to sell computers to individuals and not just business’. And that I bought one, and that maybe, just maybe, it is possible that I do in fact have a job, (and a girlfriend) and am still able to juggle my time between my posts here and creating a putpose in my life?
Get off of your high horse McKowski.
WOW! looks like Stooks has an incredible amount of free time on his hands. I’m not a very intelligent person but, I’d be willing to bet Stooks is single and will be for quite some time.
If all you can add is “you have way too much time on your hands,” you’re not really adding anything. And if you take the time to put a comment like that up, then you probably have a little too much free time on your hands, as well. But what’s your excuse? I work four legitimate hours a day, so yeah, I do have free time on my hands.
Yeah, you probably aren’t very intelligent. Good point.
If you really think about it, anyone could come up with fiteen or so random comments in under ten to fifteen minutes. But they probably wouldn’t be as creative as yours b/c your an idiot. You most likely one of those people who have been made fun of all of their life, so they take it out on others on forums like this. You and McKowski should hook up and wallow in your self pity.
I didn’t realize creativity and stupidity went hand-in-hand.
Good idea. McKowski, do you want to wallow in our self pity? Then, we can have mutual pity. And that’s not as embarassing.
By the way, “your an idiot,” even with your subpar English skills, is one of the best putdowns of all time. Thanks for making my day.
“But they probably wouldn’t be as creative as yours b/c your an idiot”
Allow me to clarify. I meant to put “wouldnt be as creative as stooks, b/c your an idiot.”
I was trying to burn the guy who dissed you Stooks. And then i was trying to go on and make a point that hima nd McKowski were anagolous and that those two should go wallow in their self pity.
Trying to get your back bro!
Sorry for the “subpar” English. Not all of us can be journalism major’s.
Whoops, my bad. This whole “anonymous” posting is messing with my head. Try signing in as “other” and see if you can put a name on without creating an account.
Journalism Graduate, by the way. English Minor. Major Badass. Okay, so I didn’t really earn that last one.
Good God Almighty. Im glad I won 20 questions today or I’d be pissed. Why is everybody ganging up on Ted? I work hard all day, more than four hours, but we gotta do what we gotta do. I don’t mean any harm to anybody, words are words even if I cant spell them or I don’t know what they mean. Anonymous, you need to quit kissing Matt’s ass and quit being a coward. At least I can put my name on this thing so people know who I am. What are you trying to hide? Stooks is so cool he doesn’t need someone to get his back. Come on, the dude has his own freaking show. How cool is that? Stay classy Stooks.