Scoop

Pardon my filthiness, but I saw this on Yahoo’s front page today and chuckled: Start the week off with roasted red snapper tonight.

Britney Spears went on a $3 thousand online-rehab shopping spree. Pretty cheap if she had to have “666” or “My toddlers are the spawns of the anti-Christ” etched onto every item. If you hadn’t heard, Britney wrote “666” on her forward and called herself the anti-Christ before a weak suicide attempt this weekend.

Larry Birkhead’s lawyer says there haven’t been any negotiations between Howard K. Stern and Larry. However, they will “Rock, Paper, Scissors” for the next potential model-billionaire prey.

Some guy says Diddy beat him up, so he’s suing. He quotes Diddy as saying “I’ll smack flames out of your ass,” before punching him in the face. I don’t know if Diddy deserves to get sued for the only cool line he’s ever come up with.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban spent a vacation together, constantly making out off the coast of France. And to keep you from doing the same, here’s a picture:

Hasselhoff is quite the bachelor these days. He was dancing at a club in Vegas’ Caesar’s Palace this weekend. Could you imagine the personal glee you’d feel upon walking into a club, only to find Hasselhoff tearing it up on the dance floor?

Paris Hilton played a little celebrity poker this weekend. She may seem like an easy opponent, but you’re forgetting that her “normal face” “poker face” and “O face” are all the same.

Daniel Radcliffe has officially signed on for the remaining Harry Potter movies. But, they had one hell of a time coming up with a creature for him to ride naked.

Star Jones gets to play lawyer on TV again, this time for a May episode of Law & Order: SVU.

“Cheers” mailman Cliff will take Vincent Pastore’s spot on Dancing with the Stars. He’d better still have that grade-A stash working.

Police busted Laguna Beach prick Jason for the equivalent of an MIP. That’s what that cheating asshole deserves, right girlfriends?