Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
There’s a lot to look forward to, especially with the stars’ benevolent rays beaming on your social calendar. Friday: try out that new melon baller!
Cancer (June 22 – July 22)
Your friends just love talking to you, and it’s no wonder. You’ve been popping Altoids.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Your romantic interest is giving you mixed signals: ‘Come closer, no wait — now go away.’ Oh, you’re playing the hokey pokey? Nevermind.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You want things to go one way, but a loved one has different ideas about what should happen next. Decisions, decisions. It happens every time you try to make a Screech Smut Tribute Video.
Stooks Proverb: You can’t run with the hare and hunt with the hounds. Flip-flopping hasn’t been cool since John Kerry came in and dorked it all up.