WWE wasted no time forwarding text messages from Chris Benoit to his coworkers. Almost all of them simply mention where his physical address was, as if someone should go there and check things out when they didn’t hear from him. Good detective work, WWE! They also want everyone to know that “roid rage” wasn’t a factor.
Finally a free woman, Paris wasted no time getting her hair did. It’s not like she neglected her looks in prison. She bought skin cream, eyebrow pencils, vaseline, an emery board and cotton swabs in prison. A girl’s gotta look good whoring around Cell Block A.
Taco Bell tried to sent a bunch of grub to Paris for her publicized cravings in jail, but it got held up at the front gates of her mansion. When she heard a Taco Supreme was waiting for her at the gates, she figured it was a sex act and said she was trying to change her ways.
Barbara Walters on missing out on the Paris interview: “Look, I’ve done prison interviews before, but people like the Menendez Brothers were really important news stories. This wasn’t. And even though I’d already written my questions, when all that pay-for-play stuff happened, I suddenly felt this was not up to my standard. The whole thing was somehow beneath me.” Thank God we can still count on Barbara to do respectable, hard news features like “The Most Fascinating People.”
PETA says Michael Moore is fat, and could benefit from a vegetarian diet. But how will he threaten people without his trademark gastrointestinal fortitude?
Britney Spears assistant had to rush to a salon for some dye remover after Britney got black dye all over her face from trying to dye what little hair she has. Meanwhile, she’s still hitting the club scene pretty hard.
Nicole Richie went shopping for baby books. Ahhhh, she’s trying to read! How cute!
Rosie says “art can’t hurt u,” following criticism of a photo showing her daughter dressed in fatigues with an ammo belt. Then, she said “Twinkies can hurt u,” followed by a demonstration of her Twinkie security system, complete with hand guillotine.
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