Leo

Think about how your actions affect you and others, from small gestures to large ones. It’s time to move beyond middle finger to something more along the lines of flaming bag of dog doo.

Sagittarius

A winning attitude can go a long way toward ensuring a degree of success, especially when it comes to new ventures. Think pink, be positive, strike up the band. Did I say “think pink?” I meant to say “Think of some badass color.” Maybe magenta.

Taurus

Is someone being extremely unreasonable in their demands? It's time to stand up for your rights. You pee with the door open, and nothing anyone says will ever change that!!!

Virgo

Take your work, but not yourself, seriously. It'll help you focus and keep your loyal supporters working hard. You need all of your keen perceptions and dedicated allies to face the next big project coming down the pike: water repellant underwear.

Stooks Proverb: Silence is golden. No gold if you’re a mute, though. Okay? OKAY?!!!