Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

You believe two heads are better than one, and the stars give you a chance to prove it. Well, YouTube has the Siamese twins video, too. You might try that first.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

A difference of opinion could turn into something fiery. Wear a condom. No glove, no love.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Self-sacrifice is absolutely necessary at certain times, but this isn't one of them. Why must you mutilate yourself at your aunt’s Christmas party.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

The stars give you this opportunity to hone in on the top tasks in your life. It's time to make a clean sweep of less successful efforts from the past. Make sure to back everything up and keep all your helpers in the loop. Keep O.J. on standby. The guy, not the fruit juice.

Stooks Proverb: Don’t suffer the fate of the boy who cried “wolf.” I mean crying “wolf,” in front of your friends? Pretty lame.