The Border War
Rather than go to Arrowhead Stadium for KU-MU, we went to Ugly Joe's at 103rd and State Line. You see, Arrowhead is clearly in Missouri. Ugly Joe's is right on the border, making it more suitable for the whole "Border War" mentality. Yeah, that's it.
It was almost a 50/50 KU-MU crowd. Obviously, a similar crowd was at Arrowhead. Mixing crowds 50/50 is probably the most ideal situation for fights to break out. Without one dominant group to keep the other in check, total chaos is possible. Sadly, I didn't observe one fight.
As a KU fan, I was surprised that another KU fan was my first nomination for an ass kicking. We got there two hours before kickoff, and he started a new "Rock Chalk Chant" every five minutes leading up to the game. Luckily, some dumbass MU fans redeemed themselves at the end of the game with the flawed "Overrated" cheer. If you cheer "overrated" at the team you're beating, aren't you demeaning your team in the process? Shouldn't you somehow cheer "underrated" about your team?
Luckily, a waitress with a tattooed muffin top was there to lighten the mood. Look at how she just shoves the credit card folder right into the folds of her back.
The muffin top was more frightening earlier in the evening, but I only got the balls/drunkenness to use my camera's flash at the end of the night.
Our more attractive waitress did a suitable job, even though she disappeared for a half hour at one point. Two other waitresses ended up bringing our food out. When did it become standard practice for your waitress to avoid bringing you your food? This happens to me more times than not.
This ketchup bottle is terrible:
Chris struggled to control the amount of ketchup flowing from the ill-conceived wide-mouth bottle. In fact, so much ketchup poured out, he had to spend a couple of minutes dipping his fries onto the mass of ketchup on his bun.
Ugly Joe's is one of the only establishments to have the bathroom door handle on the correct side of the door. Every public restroom should have the handle on the outside of the door. After you wash your hands, you can just back your way out of the restroom like a surgeon. I'm not sure who's responsible for the majority of restrooms using the inside "filth handle" technique, but they have to be benefiting from the spread of coliform.
A group of lesbians sat behind us. One of them was a lesbian Johnny Sack, of "The Sopranos" fame.
These lesbians were tolerable. None of them were wearing a pink "insert your school logo here" shirt. These shirts make you wonder whether there are women who simply can't go one day without wearing pink. While we're on the subject, you don't look that good in pink, sweetheart.
It was almost a 50/50 KU-MU crowd. Obviously, a similar crowd was at Arrowhead. Mixing crowds 50/50 is probably the most ideal situation for fights to break out. Without one dominant group to keep the other in check, total chaos is possible. Sadly, I didn't observe one fight.
As a KU fan, I was surprised that another KU fan was my first nomination for an ass kicking. We got there two hours before kickoff, and he started a new "Rock Chalk Chant" every five minutes leading up to the game. Luckily, some dumbass MU fans redeemed themselves at the end of the game with the flawed "Overrated" cheer. If you cheer "overrated" at the team you're beating, aren't you demeaning your team in the process? Shouldn't you somehow cheer "underrated" about your team?
Luckily, a waitress with a tattooed muffin top was there to lighten the mood. Look at how she just shoves the credit card folder right into the folds of her back.
The muffin top was more frightening earlier in the evening, but I only got the balls/drunkenness to use my camera's flash at the end of the night.
Our more attractive waitress did a suitable job, even though she disappeared for a half hour at one point. Two other waitresses ended up bringing our food out. When did it become standard practice for your waitress to avoid bringing you your food? This happens to me more times than not.
This ketchup bottle is terrible:
Chris struggled to control the amount of ketchup flowing from the ill-conceived wide-mouth bottle. In fact, so much ketchup poured out, he had to spend a couple of minutes dipping his fries onto the mass of ketchup on his bun.
Ugly Joe's is one of the only establishments to have the bathroom door handle on the correct side of the door. Every public restroom should have the handle on the outside of the door. After you wash your hands, you can just back your way out of the restroom like a surgeon. I'm not sure who's responsible for the majority of restrooms using the inside "filth handle" technique, but they have to be benefiting from the spread of coliform.
A group of lesbians sat behind us. One of them was a lesbian Johnny Sack, of "The Sopranos" fame.
These lesbians were tolerable. None of them were wearing a pink "insert your school logo here" shirt. These shirts make you wonder whether there are women who simply can't go one day without wearing pink. While we're on the subject, you don't look that good in pink, sweetheart.
Labels: bars, gay, girls, jayhawks, kansas city, mizzou, restaurants, restrooms
1 Comments:
i didn't see a single fight at the game either . . . had missouri lost, i think it would have been a different story.
is it possible that the muffin topped waitress had an acceptably sized mid-section prior to getting that hideous tat? if so, i think getting a tat to call attention to your mid-section should be enough motivation to avoid letting yourself go to the point where your stomach is sagging over your jeans.
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