LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) – “Dawson’s Creek” star James Van Der Beek is returning to television with a lead role in the CBS comedy pilot “Three.” Van Der Beek will play one-half of a newly married couple. Zachary Levi of ABC’s “Less Than Perfect” was previously cast as their recently divorced friend. Van Der Beek’s…
I’m happy to announce that I have a deal to get the show back on the air in a new city. We’re going to have a lot of fun, and I hope you can check it out sometime. It will be close by, but a little out of reach for some of you. Look for…
“Yippee ky yay, Mister Falcoln.” -Bruce Willis in the edited for TV version of Die Hard 2. When did the networks or the studios or whoever makes that decision, decide to try to force different words into actors mouthes instead of bleeping out obscenities? I miss the days when you would hear bleeps all over…
“Did you see Leno last night?” “No.” “Me neither. Leno sucks” Can we please wait until Rosie O’Donnell is revelant again before we continue to attach every fat joke to her name? Ruben Studdard is the acceptable hefty person of choice for fat jokes, in case you were wondering. I love when people refer to…
Enough! If we were getting an extra three minutes of brilliant John Locke insights, I would understand. But we’re not. When ABC runs Lost three minutes over the top of the hour, they’re just stuffing three more minutes of commercials down our collective throat each episode. They do the same with Desperate Housewives. Most people…
Do we still need this warning before every video? Thanks to DVD’s, we don’t have to sit through bad previews anymore, so why the FBI Warning? I bet .00001% of the population has actually read the FBI warning in their lifetime. If you remember, that’s less than the number of people who care about the…
I think James Van Der Beek should adopt his Dawson persona and be a top U.S. Ambassador. He definitely couldn’t pull it off as James Van Der Beek. People would resent him for his last name. But if he were Dawson, he could change the world. Doesn’t Katie Holmes look hot in that picture? Dawson…
Fad is a funny word. If you didn’t know the meaning, you might think it’s a combination of “mad” with another word (that shall go nameless here), making one magical word for “really mad.” But for some reason, “fad” means “a briefly popular fashion or trend.” But every once in awhile, we get confused with…
Bea Arthur has a romantic encounter. Just kidding. I’m sure Bea has a very active sex life. And with non-canine beings, as well. For the first time in 86 years, the NHL won’t have a season. For the 86th time in 86 years, no one will care about the NHL.
Enough with the clever crowd signs that play off the name of the network televising the game. “Quick! Everyone! Come look at this original sign I made! Maybe I’ll get on TV! Look! I constructed it using all the letters of the network! Do you know how hard that was! Who wants to play Scrabble!…
Queen Latifah was a terrible host. You could tell she was going to be awful when she said she dreamt of hosting the Grammys when she was a kid. I want to meet the kid who says “When I grow up, I wanna host the Grammys.” That kid should be given a contract to host…
And there’s no way Keanu Reeves read the scipt and said “Now it all makes perfect sense!”
Snap. Can someone tell me what that word means? I was at a local drinking establishment last night, and some apparently really clever guy comes in and yells out “SNAP!” to one of his friends. Then his brilliant friend starts laughing. I thought to myself, “I will never be friends with either of those guys.…
First off, no one ever says “Supersize me!” But every pre-packaged food item assumes “Downsize me!” The Totino’s Party Pizza says you can get two servings out of it at 380 calories apiece. Baloney. It’s one serving, 760 calories. If you are splitting a Totino’s between two people, you better have a hefty dessert prepared.…
Bob Barker gave a big smooch to the University of Kansas Glee Club on the Price Is Right today. Whoever the putz is who replaced Rod Roddy called John Johnson down, he happens to be the director of the Glee Club. Before the showcase showdown, Bob asked the club to sing a song. By the…
Isn’t that fun how I figured out how to type “ñ”? You can do it by holding down the “alt” key and typing “164”. For more fun Spanish characters, check this out. Anyhow, I can’t believe there is a new article on El Niño. Wasn’t El Niño more of a 1999 story? I know my…
What makes Judge Judy so sexy? Maybe it’s the doily around her neck. By the way, there’s an online store that specializes in doilies, thedoilyplace.com. I think we’re taking Judge Judith Sheindlin for granted. When she first became popular, SNL targetted her, and everyone was talking. Now, it seems like she keeps on raising her…
They should change the slogan to “The Worldwide Leader in Sucks.” Okay that might not be the best marketing statement, but it’s true. I invested my money in an HDTV, and ESPN is one of the culprits ruining the experience. None of the good games are available in HD. Instead, ESPN wastes all of its…
If I had to pick one thing I regret more than anything else, what would it be? In all my years, I’ve never once been part of a group high five. Sadly, I don’t think I’ve witnessed one outside of Saved By The Bell. How come no one does this practice? Is it because pulling…
I promise this will be the last post on toilets for awhile. No two snowflakes are the same. No two toilets flush the same. Have you ever noticed? I think it’s time to change that “People are like snowflakes” line to “People are like toilets.” Much snazzier if you ask me.
I know someone who talks on their cell phone while they are in the can. I’m not talking about an in-and-out visit, either. More like 20 minutes or so in there. On the phone. On the toilet. Disgusting. If you’re expecting a call, and answer the phone while you’re in there, that’s one thing. But…
Ha. I love watching people when a cop car is around. They always drive five miles under the speed limit and stay squarely in their own lane. Last night, I was at a stop light. A police car was in the left lane. A truck was in front of me and wanted to turn right.…
The Eagles. Why? Because wide receiver Freddie Mitchell is friends with Mario Lopez. So what? Will I pick anyone who has Mario Lopez as a friend to win the Superbowl? No. Only those who are friends with both Mario Lopez and Jaleel White.
makes me want to kiss myself on the lips, which is pretty hard to do.
The Apprentice: Martha Stewart will be a new show on NBC. Shouldn’t they have had this show before she went to jail? What good will an apprentice do when the Queen of Quilts gets out?
Not to be confused with the hit movie starring Samuel L. Jackson. Last year, I switched to T-Mobile. After I signed up, Sprint PCS did everything but get on their knees (for various reasons) to keep me. I could’ve gotten the world from Sprint if I had threatened before switching. Well, it’s time again. For…
Have you ever noticed some random substance on your car, and you have no idea where it came from or what exactly it is? Take a look at the reddish substance on the door of my ’98 Corolla. What is that? Take a closer look. Gotta love the quality of camera-phones. I’m close to licking…
Can you believe this? Keanu Reeves gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame before I do. Quick! Somebody get in a phone booth and stop Keanu from ever taking the “Johnny Utah” role in Point Break opposite Patrick “Crazy For” Swayze!
“Bird brains not as primitive as once thought” is the headline to this story. So the next time someone calls you “Bird Brain,” smile, and say, “Thank you.” Too bad. That was a good insult.
If I advertised on TV, I would demand that my commercial followed this phrase. After all, only the really cute, cuddly corporations help out the blind. By the way, I read for Audio-Reader, which turns magazines into little radio programs for blind people. Who wants to cuddle?