The Pops of Pudding is almost at that age. The Prewitt and I went to breakfast at Chubby’s in KC the other day. There was an old woman sitting next to us. She had three empty packs of smokes, each one stuffed with cigarette lighters. She used her cane to try to retrieve a penny [...]
Matt Stooks.com
You are currently viewing the monthly archives for January 2006
Monthly Archives January 2006
The call of the Wolfy
Last night, there was a wretched contestant on American Idol named “Wolfy,” “because I love wolves, and all my friends know me as Wolfy, and I love wolves.” And amazingly, we had a Stooks in the Morning “stooksclusive” interview with Wolfy on our show.
The American Idol Demon
I couldn’t find the complete freak who was on American Idol last night, so I figured the Tina Yothers picture would do the job. So, we were making fun of this girl from AI, and then she magically called into the show.
The Iraqi Woman
There was a lady from Iraq who spoke to President Bush the other day in Manhattan. So we decided to make fun of her, as “The Iraqi Lady” called into the show. If you’d like to hear the original Iraqi Lady, so you can tell just how horrible our impersonations are, here it is.
The High Lady and President Bush
President Bush came to Manhattan yesterday so that everyone would constantly applaud everything he said. We were talking about it again this morning. The High Lady, even though she wouldn’t mind bedding the President, would rather talk football.
Worst bit ever?
In 25 seconds time, we created one of the oddest skits of all time on the show.Feel free to comment on the emotions you’re feeling after hearing it.
Liquor liaison
I met the most entertaining middle-aged woman ever today. I wish I would’ve gotten her name, but it was at 12:30 at the Handy’s Liquor Store (tee hee…Handys…). I say “Hey, how’s it going?” My new friend says “It’s Thursday!” And then we get into an in-depth conversation about how Thursday is actually better than [...]
Pantyman
Yesterday, some guy came into the laundromat, opened up a dryer, and inspected a pair of panties, a la the above photo. He leaves. Then the panties’ true owner arrives. I didn’t tell her anything. And here’s why: “Excuse me miss, but some creep was in here inspecting your panties.” Then, she proceeds to burn [...]
Green tea wisdom
Have you ever read the side of one of these Celestial Seasonings boxes? They have all kinds of wisdom. And if drinking the tea and following the advice turns me as cool as the badass on the front of the box, I’m all for it. In celebration of the fine reading available on tea boxes [...]
Happy birthday
We get lots of calls for “can you say my friend’s name on the air for their birthday?” And it always comes off sounding awkward if we try to do it. To help put an end to this activity, Stooks in the Morning presents the Angry Old Lady’s Birthday Wish.
Spacing out
I shave in the shower. This morning, I had already done the hair thing, the face wash thing, and the sudsing of my unmentionables, so I was ready for my shave. Then, I proceeded to apply shaving cream to my entire face. I drove to work, then wondered how I got here when I showed [...]
Staring Contest
How awkward is it when you catch someone staring at you? Not as awkward as you getting caught doing the same thing. I always try to play it off like I’m taking a general overview of the room, maybe searching for catsup. Yeah, that’s right. The “ketchup” spelling is for losers. We got some good [...]
