Note: Lots more words in this post than you’re used to. Don’t worry. I’ll give you a podcast version so you can rest your eyes, if need be. mp3 file (4:06) We wanted to try something new Saturday night. We decided on the Kansas City Power and Light District. Fearful of tight parking, we chose…
I was a much better copyeditor at The Kansan (KU’s student paper) than I was a reporter. This means I’m better bitching about someone else’s shitty reporting than I am doing shitty reporting of my own. With this in mind, I found a great piece of copy to edit from this story: Clinton, who would…
For the first time since college, I’ve finished a novel. In fact, it might be the first time I’ve read fiction that wasn’t a school requirement. In two days, I flew through “Survivor” by Chuck Palahniuk, the “Fight Club” guy. It was a great time. I’m disappointed I didn’t get into reading novels earlier. I…
To the woman in front of me at Price Chopper: Congratulations! You’re friends with the checker! Awesome! Unfortunately, the rest of us don’t invest the time to develop lifelong friendships with grocery store clerks. Pay your total and let us get on with our lives. I would thank you for paying with cash, but a…
I just finished watching the PBS documentary “Bush’s War.” You can watch it online here. I’ll go ahead and doubt you’ll watch a four-and-a-half hour documentary on your computer. I’ll give you a brief summation instead. A couple of idiots (mostly Cheney and Rumsfeld with a sprinkle of Bush, Tenet and Wolfowitz) got us into…
The Internet hasn’t gone crazy over Ron Paul in a long time. I miss it.
They were supposed to greet us as liberators. They were supposed to throw flowers at us. They were supposed to be dancing in the street to Martha and the Vandellas. It didn’t happen. Where did our predictions go wrong? I have a theory: It’s George Lucas’ fault. Bush and Cheney simply have to be Star…
Busted by Sinbad (see here) and numerous news reports, Hillary Clinton’s campaign now says she misspoke when she shared this blatant lie exaggeration about her trip to Bosnia: “I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our…
KFC plans to offer grilled chicken on its menu. “This is transformational for our brand,” said Doug Hasselo, KFC’s chief food innovation officer. Haha. “Chief Food Innovation Officer” at KFC has to be one of the best job titles ever. “Assistant to the Chief Food Innovation Officer” is the only thing that could top it. …
Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer might have lost his job thanks to a tipoff to the Feds from a political strategist. Check out this juicy excerpt: “Governor Spitzer did not remove his midcalf-length black socks during the sex act. Perhaps you can use this detail to corroborate Mr. Stone’s information.” There was always a…
I can’t think of anything to write. This picture of me struggling to play the accordion should provide enough entertainment for you.
I made the dreaded trip to Price Chopper to stock up on groceries today. While the woman in front of me was taking her time writing her out of town check and trying to get cash back, I had plenty of time to browse the impulse buys. Among them were bottles of Purell for your…
I’ve come to the realization that I’ve wasted entirely too much of my life watching cable news. Each cable network has a carousel of about 20 pundits screaming over each other in a desperate attempt to spin viewers one way or the other. I think I’m grown up enough at this point to (gasp) read…
I went to Tanner’s in Waldo Saturday night. They have a candy machine in the restroom. It’s filled with unwrapped candy. I guess Tanner’s wants to guarantee you get fecal matter and piss all over your candy. The only delicacy you’re allowed to purchase in the restroom is a Strawberry-Banana flavored condom. Flavor is clearly…
Awesome tornado action in downtown Atlanta. Somehow, only two people died. But who cares about them, lets read a feel-good story about a puppy not dying. CNN says the aftermath is a “war zone.” Yes, I think we can all agree that not even the bravest Iraqi would dare visit Atlanta. Give me a break…
Check out the scary Phillips 66 mascot, “Captain PROclean.” Captain PROclean’s special powers include pumping gas and leering at loved ones’ tender embraces. I will be having nightmares about this character.
I pulled up my DVR list moments ago, saw “The McLaughlin Group” listed and said “That’s what I’m talking about!” Just thought you would appreciate a further look into the depths of my pathetic TV viewing habits.
Check out the Macon Music’s “Eliot Spitzer Night.” 1. The Music have extended an invitation for former New York Governor Spitzer to be on hand and throw out the first pitch 2. The team will give away a New York Vacation including a one night stay at the MayFlower Hotel 3. Client #9 (or fan…
I try not to get too educational, so I apologize in advance. I watch a lot of news and read a lot of news, so I might as well try to make it worthwhile. Oil is $110 a barrel. That’s a lot. Why did this happen? There are zero supply side concerns. How did we…
I can no longer recommend listening to Bill Moyers Journal to fall asleep. I always try to listen to something fairly unexciting when I go to bed. Last night, I turned to my trusty Bill Moyers Podcast. Bill featured conservative televangelist/John McCain-endorser John Hagee. Bill played clips of this clown preaching about how we need…
Everyone’s asking the same question: “Why did Eliot Spitzer nail a hooker?” We point to Clinton and Lewinsky, Jim McGreevy and some dude, Larry Craig and the toilet people, and say “Why do they do it? Why do these male politicians keep banging people other than their wives? Surely they would’ve learned from others’ mistakes,…
To maintain perspective, I keep Fox News among my news sources. While 90 percent of Fox’s reporting is fairly harmless, the 10 percent that remains reaches absurdity. Look at a Google News Search for “homicide bomber.” You’ll see Fox is the only legit (?) news operation relying on this term. The idea is that “homicide…
Sinbad went on a trip to Bosnia with Hillary Clinton – a trip Hillary described as harrowing. Sinbad remembers it differently. He said the “scariest” part of the trip was wondering where he’d eat next. “I think the only ‘red-phone’ moment was: ‘Do we eat here or at the next place.’” Poor Hillary. She probably…
Meet New York Governor (as of this writing) Eliot Spitzer. Eliot likes prostitutes, and this poses a problem: Eliot needs some bad facial hair for this kind of behavior. Get after it, Els. The world demands a villainous mustache.
Good news! I’m alive! My brother Tom tricked me into playing indoor soccer. Tonight was our first game. As expected, I was out of breath 90 percent of the time. Also true to form, I took a soccer ball to the face. I’d say it was the defensive play of the game. Police sketch of…
Dear senior citizens, Enough with Wii Bowling already. While I’m glad you’ve embraced video games, I think it’s time to nut up and try something new. Every time there’s a picture of you playing Wii, you’re playing Wii Bowling. I bet you call the Wii “the bowling game.” “Hey, who wants to come over and…
Depending on your news source, Patrick Swayze will either be dead in five weeks or he’ll be perfectly fine. One thing’s for sure: We won’t be getting “Ghost 2” either way. 🙁 The SNL curse lives
I’m mostly over my cold from last week. A nagging cough remains. I would’ve preferred a complimentary cough, but a nagging one was all I could muster. I’ve never met a cough that didn’t nag.
I can’t get enough of this video from my good friend Chris Casey (see his YouTube channel here).
Thanks to the TiVo commercial below, I now know exactly what I want in a woman. I want to get ready in the morning while my future wife jams and sings at our grand piano. I own travel Scrabble. It’s awesome. Check it out here. After we’re done playing piano together, we’ll go to the…