I finally got a Realtor yesterday. We looked at at least six houses, and almost every one of them had a distinct funk. We discussed whether a funk is reason enough to not buy a house. An old woman called to dispute my claims of an “old person funk.” Another woman said maybe I’m responsible…
Superman is out today, and we were talking about our superpowers. We heard about superpowers including talking your way out of a speeding ticket, throwing rocks, moving your eyebrows one at a time… And one man’s power to move traffic out of his way by treating it like an Asian woman. “His Ken Doll-like front…
Why aren’t people honest with each other on how ugly their haircuts look? A recent incident on MySpace forced me to address the issue on today’s show. This caller says it’s all in the tone of voice. This woman says you have to be honest. This one makes a shocking claim about perms and mullets.…
This morning, we talked about Photoshop Adam’s claim that you can go to Wal-Mart after 10, get a red ribbon from the elderly greeter, tie it onto your cart, and wait as the hot singles come rushing your way. His story was a little off, as one store in the U.S. has done something similar.…
Angelina Jolie has her eye on a pregnant woman in a village devastated by an earthquake. She’s pregnant with twins. And Angelina wants them. Yours are next… Thanks to Photoshop Adam for the pic.
Ever see a girl pee like this? “What am I standing in?” She is either very talented and you wouldn’t want to shake her hand or she has one of these: Still hungry for that Chili Cheese Coney? It’s called the P-Mate. Their site is hilarious, especially this line on when you can use it:…
Today’s the start of Country Stampede. But don’t let the “country” fool you. People who hate country still go to the show for the party, drinking and general whoring around. “I can feel it kicking!” To help the uninitiated, we shared Stampede stories this morning. Want to get pregnant? Go to the port-a-potty. One caller…
I have a family reunion coming up. When our parents told us about it, we asked if “Burn Victim” would be there. This prompted an on-air slew of horrifying nicknames. Segment 1Segment 2 It’s Halloween all year long! America’s Got Talent starts tonight on NBC. One of our listeners was upset we didn’t share the…
Last Friday, Photoshop Adam earned “No Stashes. Clean Shaven” on the “John Stossel Pick of the Week.” Why did he receive such a sorry rating? He sent out an email that took ten minutes to read and didn’t have any white space between sentences. Impossible to read. However, he redeemed himself. First off, check out…
I highly recommend this first bit. The Johnny Kaw Radio Show tackled the issue of “The Party Deuce.” Michael Moore: King of the Party Deuce An elderly woman called in about her neighbors’ Slip-N-Slide. I saw a hitchhiker standing in the middle of I-70 yesterday. Neither Chris or I have picked up a hitchhiker, but…
Not “can’t keep it up,” although that problem is surely approaching. We talked about my long struggle to stay awake Friday night on my way to KC, and shared some different ways to try to stay awake. Getting knocked up, snorting a (somewhat) legal substance and hair removal topped the list. Although, one caller took…
I’ve been up since 11 last night, so rather than put too much thought into the show, we turned it over to our listeners for a rare “Free for all Friday” edition of the show. It’s all pretty frightening. Segment 1 includes a guy with an interesting stat on vending machines. Segment 2 includes a…
Sorry, I’ve opted to avoid a three-peat Joey Greco photo appearance for the “Snoopers” segment on the website. He just doesn’t deserve to be up there with record-holders Bea Arthur and Louie Anderson just yet. We had a late meeting last night, and then I consumed a beverage or two which resulted in a rough…
Hope you have time for some heavy listening. No petting, though. That’s not allowed. MySpace annoys me. It is frequently out of order. During our “Viewer Mail” segment, I had about as much as I could take. . This morning, I may or may not have upset a co-worker with a play-on-words joke that he…
Ever feel like you’ve lost touch with your inner-teen? Worry no more. “What are the teens up to this time?” Frank Narieola has the answer. The “Yeah, I’m a teen. Whaddya gonna do about it?” pose My lease is up at the end of July, and I’m trying to figure out whether to buy a…
The United States starts it’s World Cup play today. One of our callers says trying to follow the World Cup is a logistical nightmare. I’m not sure what kind of snack bar they have at the World Cup. But hopefully this guy’s call isn’t an indication. “Yeah. That’s the stuff.” There’s a rumor that Long…
Had some recording problems this morning, so you’ll have to wait for Wheezie the Clown to re-appear on the show at a later date. Hansel’s dad is having computer problems. Chris and I played tennis yesterday. I had to run across the court and reach for a shot. I two-handed it and launched it over…
Do you know anyone who does something constantly that is really annoying? And to make matters worse, they are so attached to doing it, that you know a confrontation will only crush every fiber of their being? We talked about this phenomenon today, as prompted by a repeat-user of the “Whazzzzzup” a la Budweiser commercials…
I came up with the figure that 1 out of 3 men are scum and are willing to cheat on their girlfriends or wives. The High Lady called in with her thoughts. If you cheat, Joey Greco will track you down and give you a good staring at. The Iraqi woman called in with an…
“First, I will learn to rub my belly. I’ll combine head patting later.”
You’ve heard of Eva Longoria, but have you heard of Evan (check out the “n”) Longoria? Apparently Tampa Bay made him the number 3 overall MLB draft pick. We wondered “is there any relation to Eva Longoria?” You’ll be shocked at what we discovered. Here’s Eva: And here’s her sick, twisted evil twin brother EVAN:
Chris and I just recorded a new bit. He thinks we should put it on the air, I don’t think that’s a good idea. If anyone can say one way or the other before the show, please do it. Here’s “Lord of the Rings Superfan explains the movies to Guy Who’s Never Heard of Lord…
Today’s 06/06/06. The Omen‘s out in theaters to celebrate. We were freaked out this morning when DeMone the Demon called in. Which is the real Joan Rivers? With the whole 666 thing, we took some calls on weird superstitions. In this segment, we hear about the way to put on your shoes, a pink umbrella…
Chris and I saw X-Men 3 today. Sucked.
Every once and awhile we feel the need to correct some sloppy advice from Men’s and Women’s magazines. Today was all about Askmen.com’s advice on tricking a loved one into losing weight. Our lady listeners called to put this bad advice in its place. The nightmare that inspired Al Roker to lose some weight. Tonight…
Chris and I were eating at Gambino’s a little bit ago. The TV was showing the new “America’s Funniest Home Videos” with two lame hosts who I recognize from TV but not enough to remember their names. But what was real exciting was when “The Funny Things Kids Do!” came on. We were shocked and…
***Bonus Weekend Content*** Don’t spray wasp killer indoors. Why? Find out here.
This morning, we tried to figure out if having an overprotective girl or boyfriend has any benefits. We were having trouble with our computer this morning. We decided to call Baron, our tech support guy. I still haven’t seen the new X-Men. Sweedish Schoolboy Hansel hasn’t seen it either, but plans to this weekend. Need…
***Parental Discretion Advised*** Chris and I went to El Tapatio for lunch today. El Tapatio has a ridiculously hot salsa you can ask for, which inspired the following. We had a couple of margaritas and came up with “Health Chat with Chip Rimaldi.” Today’s guest is Benji Homona and there’s no way we’ll ever be…
Chris was sick yesterday, barfed three times, and made it to the bathroom every time. He didn’t defecate his pants, either! So, we started talking with our callers about those times when we didn’t quite make it in time. “Pokey totally got me Helen-Keller-faced last night!” Once again, we got a caller for “Swap Shop”…