Ever since the High Lady called last week, I’ve been off my game with the blog. I thought I should address this so you know I’m aware of it and taking the necessary steps to fix the problem (huffing more fingernail polish). Thanks for your support during this time of crisis.
I’m a huge Ron Paul fan. Watch John Stossel drool when asking Ron if he’d even let the state’s legalize heroin.
Scenario time. You passionately oppose the war in Iraq. You feel the need to speak out, but you know that every time you speak, you’re only hurting your cause. People who’ve come to hate the war, now like it to spite you. Why would you continue to speak? It’s because your name is Sean Penn,…
I guess I complained too early about the media name-dropping the Nebraska mall shooter. Now, we’re getting video footage of him walking into the mall and cocking his AK-47. Is our media capable of any restraint? Am I a moron to think this encourages other “troubled teens” to go psycho in front of security cameras?…
The tall guy is the Guinness World Records holder for tallest man, at 7 feet, 9 inches. The little guy applied for the Guinness Record for the shortest man, at 2 feet, 9 inches. A pint of Guinness? (har har) I haven’t been a fan of Guinness Records since I was a kid, although, I…
God is getting all kinds of attention this week. The Golden Compass is getting some God-related press. Mitt Romney says he’s cool with God. Why do we care? I understand the importance of religion in people’s lives. But can we stop debating our beliefs in public? Just because someone believes something different from you is…
Another young guy went on a crazy shooting spree. Then, way too many news outlets plastered the killer’s name and face on TV. When will the morons running our media learn that immortalizing these guys’ names encourages future behavior in like-minded people? We don’t need to learn about the killer’s sad poems or video games…
Fat kids could stay fat and have bad hearts when they get old. Luckily, ABC News has created a graphic for those literate enough to get to a news site, but not literate enough to read a story based on common sense. Check out this brilliant quote from a pediatrics professor: “Children who have been…
A cold December night was good for “spooning” to make #6 on Google Trends. Notice the hotness level as “On Fire.” Is that one notch away from “XXX?” I had no idea spooning was so raunchy. “Kama Sutra” as a related search? I think spooning is in the “Child’s Guide to Kama Sutra.” “What is…
Want to know something sad? I’m all giggly and mindblown that I can now chat with my AIM friends and my Google friends, all within GMail. I don’t need to have two IM programs open. This made my day. The fact that something this insignificant made my day makes me sad. So many conflicting emotions…
(1:54 podcast) The High Lady called and left a voicemail. I’ve had a bad habit of not logging on to my phone system. After missing this classic High Lady call, I’ll do better on that. The number is 785.727.2291, and you can see if I’m available on the right column of the homepage. It’s been…
(3:44 podcast) I tried stand up for the first time tonight. It wasn’t terrible. It wasn’t brilliant by any means. It was a good learning experience. I’ll do it again. It’s a lot different than what I’m used to: talking into a microphone in an empty room with no encouragement/discouragement from an audience. The lights…
President Bush is a moron. Today, he talked about the national intelligence estimate, which said Iran stopped its nuclear weapons program four years ago. “I have said Iran is dangerous, and the NIE doesn’t do anything to change my opinion about the danger Iran poses to the world. Quite the contrary.” Quite the contrary? Do…
Channel 9 News was at the Sprint Center tonight to show off all the little shits adorable kids who went to the Hannah Montana show. Notice the boy who’ll no doubt get his ass kicked in school tomorrow, unless he’s been abducted by a pedophile.
Barack Obama said “I have not been planning to run for President for however number of years some of the other candidates have been planning for.” Hillary Clinton’s campaign, looking to call BS, tracked down a quote from his kindergarten teacher. She said Barack wrote an essay with the title “I Want To Become President.”…
The writers’ strike is a month old and might not end for awhile. I don’t think viewers are going to be as annoyed as you might think. We might even appreciate a break from having to watch our favorite TV shows. Maybe we’ll learn to use our non-TV time so wisely, we won’t stand for…
I’ll be 27 a month from now. Even as immature as I am, I’m starting to feel as old as I am. Yesterday’s game of Hacky Sack nearly left me a cripple. Both of my hamstrings are sore and I pulled my right groin (currently taking applications for groin masseuse). This weekend, I’ll take part…
Johnny Rowlands, Kansas City’s eye in the sky, drives an Escalade with the license plate “CHOPPR9” (for NewsChopper 9). He pulled into a Sonic near my house this morning. Nice peach-fuzz mustache, Rowlands I’m no Rowlands hater, but this pushes me in that direction. Piloting the coolest traffic copter in Kansas City isn’t enough. He…
I’ve been on Facebook for awhile now (here’s my profile (membership required) (first triple quadruple parentheses on mattstooks.com ever) (not sure I did that right)). I love it so much more for what it could be than what it actually is. MySpace and Facebook didn’t get popular until I was well out of college. As…
Check out the top items in Google Trends for 10 pm Thursday. They’re all for lyrics. It’s quite the variety, too. I didn’t realize “Green Acres” was such a great sing-a-long song. 1. green acres lyrics2. soul man lyrics3. should i stay or should i go lyrics4. taking care of business lyrics5. if i could…
I’m making my way through the Republican YouTube Debate. This is depressing, and not just because Anderson Cooper has to say “time” 15 times per response before a candidate finally shuts up. How about cutting a candidate’s mic 10 seconds after you say “time.” Why hasn’t CNN hired me yet? I haven’t been around all…
It’s been too long since we’ve talked about a crappy poll. Here’s a new one. Kids aged 2-12 think Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are more deserving of coal in their stockings than the Grinch and Darth Vader. So, little kids think Britney and Paris are naughtier than two of the most evil fictional bad…
You’ll be able to finish your 50-state quarter collection by the end of 2008. The Mint is pleased with the results (bold mine). The states have been honored in the order they were admitted to the union, starting with Delaware. It was honored with a quarter in 1999. The effort kicked off a collecting craze…
Carson Daly is making a huge mistake. NBC’s “Last Call with Carson Daly” is about to become the first late-night talk show to defy the writers strike and resume production. Daly, who is not a member of the Writers Guild, will begin taping new episodes of his Burbank-based show this week for airing next week.…
For years, I’ve dreaded laundry day. It’s reached a peak over the past year. Every time I do laundry, I think “I’m going to have to do this for the rest of my life.” It’s a depressing thought. I did the laundry today. I’m proud to say I’ve finally found a reasonable way to do…
A new message might be coming from Osama bin Laden. Will it be a video? Will Osama sport an embarrassing new facial hair style? Or will he steer clear of the “Just for Men” treatment this time? Some website, obviously stocked with pedophiles, but surely devoid of babies playing with iPhones, Lolcats, and girls feasting…
Hulk Hogan’s wife wants a share of their Florida mansions, alimony and child support. As long as she doesn’t run off with a third-rate wrestler, mix a bunch of drugs with alcohol and die, Hulk’s still got one up on Macho Man. You’ll never guess which one dies in a chemically induced haze
Thanks to his Nobel Prize win, Al Gore got the pleasure of meeting with President Bush Monday. You know Gore wants to smack that smirk right off W’s face The two spent 40 minutes in a private Oval Office meeting. Al says they spent the whole time talking about global warming. I call BS on…
Rather than go to Arrowhead Stadium for KU-MU, we went to Ugly Joe’s at 103rd and State Line. You see, Arrowhead is clearly in Missouri. Ugly Joe’s is right on the border, making it more suitable for the whole “Border War” mentality. Yeah, that’s it. It was almost a 50/50 KU-MU crowd. Obviously, a similar…