Dogs in Costumes vs Old People

From the Chicago Tribune:

About 7 percent of dog owners plan to purchase a Halloween costume for their pet this year, up from 4 percent in 2004.

This number seems low. Animals don’t belong in costumes. I used to think dressing up babies in costumes was just as dumb, but at least they’ll grow up to have an appreciation for Halloween. Dogs won’t. They’ll keep trying to paw off some stupid-ass hat, only to have their owner reattach the hat and tighten the string.

Unfortunately, it gets worse.

From the Kansas City Star:

Never seen a dog in a thong? Then you’ve never seen Carol Wells’ dogs dressed up for Halloween. This year her therapy-trained Dalmatians, Carmen and Jonah, are going to be Victoria’s Secret and Joe Boxer, respectively…

When she takes the dogs on their Halloween rounds of hospitals this year, Carmen will wear a thrift-store Victoria’s Secret bra, size 32A, and black lace panties with a hole cut out for her tail. Jonah will be a Chippendale dancer in a pinstripe vest, white collar, black bow tie and black Joe Boxer underwear with fake money tucked into the waistband…

“I do it because it gets a rise out of the people that we visit,” Wells said. “And it’s helpful especially with the seniors to get them to realize what time of year it is.”

So, dressing dogs for her own wicked amusement isn’t enough for Carol Wells. She has to parade the animals around in front of old people who are all hopped up on God knows how many different chemicals, forcing them to further question reality as two scantily clad dalmatians stand before them. You’re sick, Carol. Get some help.

“Kill me.”