The State of the Union

There’s a ton of reasons I wouldn’t run for Congress, but the State of the Union Address just might top the list.

I hate giving a standing ovation, and standing ovations are thrown around like candy at the State of the Union.  I just don’t think that many things deserve a standing ovation.  If I approve of something, I’d be glad to clap for it.  But I’m not going to get up and down like a monkey every time you say something I agree with.  If you blow my mind, I’d be glad to stand.

Why don’t I just stay seated and clap?  I don’t handle standing ovation peer pressure very well, alright?  I’d either sit there awkwardly while everyone stared at me, or I’d stand up and compromise my standing-ovation beliefs.

Even regular applause would cause me issues.

If I wasn’t on the president’s side, I would need to display a disgruntled face.  And what if the president slipped in a “I don’t think people should kill puppies” into the speech, but I wasn’t paying attention thanks to Larry Craig’s leg brushing against mine?  Then, I would have an obviously disgusted face, the camera would pan to me, and everyone would think I was pissed for the end of puppy murder.

Even if applause completely disappeared, I’d be screwed.  The camera always focuses way too long on one person.  Do you realize how moronic someone looks when you just stare at them listening to something?  They might as well have drool seeping from the corner of their mouthes while they sit there, comatose and blinking.

Here’s a shot from the State of the Union Address.  It came after Bush dropped a “fund our troops” line.

Tons of fun in this photo.

1.  Notice the reluctant large woman applauding at the top of the photo.

2.  The guy yawning.

3.  The guy next to him looks ready to puke.

4.  The military woman next to the yawning guy with a look of “bullshit” in response to Bush’s funding the troops line.

In summation, I and any reasonable person will never run for office.