Stooksoscope for Thursday

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Under this influence, there’s a definite ‘when in Rome, do as the Romans do’ vibe going on with you. Just make sure you get a big enough ring so your Christian can survive the lion attack long enough for a good show.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21)

Being gracious never hurt, and in this instance, it’ll really help. Direct that sparkling charm toward someone who can get you to the next level: the Old Woman Greeter at Walmart is rumored to be quite the minx.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Why are you letting someone else set the rules? Now is the time to find a way around any perceived limitations. You’ll open new routes where only roadblocks existed previously. Soon, your recurring nightmare of being Gary Busey’s dental hygienist will come to an end.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’re in control, but you’re not fully comfortable with the position just yet. If you’re in doubt, call a team of experts and tell them the situation. You’ll effortlessly attract just the people you need in your life: ones who know the proper way to wipe.

Stooks Proverb: Revenge is a dish best served cold. In fact, the best revenge is serving someone a cold bowl of oatmeal.