Scoop

Britney Spears topped the “Most Foolish American” poll, just edging out Paris Hilton and George W. Bush. The President was just one crotch shot away…

Meanwhile, Britney finalized her divorce with Kevin Federline for $1 million. He would’ve got more had he not wrecked her “bizzness.”

Prosecutors want a judge to revoke Paris Hilton’s probation after she got caught driving with a suspended license last month. She could (yeah right) get 90 days in jail, but do the other prisoners really deserve that kind of treatment?

Elisabeth Hasselbeck says she and “Ro” are such good friends that they email each other constantly throughout the day.

At least one “Record Weasel” thinks Sanjaya will get signed to a recording contract, and not in the William Hung kinda way.

Rumors place George Hamilton as the front runner to take over The Price Is Right when Bob Barker retires. It’ll take more than an overtanned face to replace Bob, CBS!

“I totally out-skin-cancer Bob”

Police arrested some random homeless woman outside the gates to Tom Cruise’s lair. The official report says she had stolen goods on her. No, Katie Holmes’ soul wasn’t among the items.

Idol loser Chris Sligh says he didn’t want to win American Idol, anyway, so there!

A source says pornstar Jenna Jameson “underwent a vaginoplasty at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, and she is very unhappy. She has decided to hole up and not speak to anybody.” Hopefully Britney doesn’t go to the same surgeon. By the way, I love the use of “hole up” in that quote.

Coming soon: a Girls Gone Wild restaurant. “I’ll give you Chicken Fried Steak for some boobies.”