Britney's pantie-less tirade has scared anyone decent from hanging out with her. In fact, she's resorted to dating Brandon Davis, the guy only famous for calling Lohan a firecrotch.

Suspicious: Britney Spears went to the pharmacy twice Wednesday morning. Pregnancy test? Other health problems? Rotten vagina?

Some respectable news sources are asking psychologists to weigh in on Britney's pantie problem. "When you're in a marriage and you're controlled by a lot of people, you repress your personality. When all of that breaks loose, it's like the hinges come off the door."


50 Cent says Oprah "started out with black women's views but has been catering to middle-aged white American women for so long that she's become one herself."

50 might want to think the same thing about Tony Danza. Danza's returning to Broadway to star in The Producers.


Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are engaged.


Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards' divorce is finally official. That'll free up more time for Denise to throw laptops at old women in wheelchairs.


The Enquirer says Nicole Kidman has put Keith Urban on a "short leash." "Nicole is standing by Keith, but with one big proviso — he has to dump his drinking and drugging buddies."

Labels: stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 5:42 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Some ridiculous consultant clown thinks Manhattan should flip the way the diagonal parking spots face on Moro. This would force you to back into the spots, giving you a clear view of oncoming traffic, all in the hopes of stopping the approximately four accidents a year along that stretch.

I declared this "the worst idea ever."

We asked our listeners to share what they thought was the worst idea they've ever heard.

Segment 1 (4:08)

Segment 2 (2:50) - Features the High Lady, and her filthiest song yet.

Speaking of terrible ideas, Britney Spears has shown off her vagina on three different occasions in the past week.

We tried to figure out what exactly she hopes to accomplish.

Segment 1 (3:00)

Segment 2 (2:03)



In unrelated news, one of our listeners was annoyed with his commute from Kansas City (2:33).

Labels: show clips

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:13 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Impulse control could become a challenge for you right now, especially when someone appeals to your maverick side. Let’s just hope no one comes along who appeals to your O.J. Simpson side.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

When it comes right down to it, you don't have the time to waste on petty issues anymore. Reaching your limit can be the greatest gift of all. Then, you can get 400 percent interest on a title loan to pay it off.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Take concrete steps to move past this obstacle and you'll see tangible results. If you keep your ties to the mob, you might end up with concrete on your feet, so you’re heading in the right direction.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Something's been on your mind. Go ahead and put it out there. The time is ripe for fresh starts and initiatives. The bolder the better, say the stars. And when everyone hears about your plans for Connie Chung, they’ll have no choice but to carry you on their shoulders in victory.

Stooks Proverb: Don’t kill the goose that lays the golden eggs. Do kill the goose that lays a curled up deuce on the floor.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:11 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Britney Spears has shown off her vagina three nights in the past week. She hasn't been wearing panties:


But, Britney's days of being pantie-free look numbered. She just dropped $3 thousand at the place Katie Holmes got her wedding underwear at.

As I think about this odd Britney pantie shortage, I just can't help but picture K-Fed, high off his ass, sniffing pantie after pantie. Gotta love the pre-divorce pantie raid.

Kevin may have been cheating on Britney with a porn star. From a source "they're just friends who like to have sex." Nice friend.


Mel Gibson on Michael Richards: "They'll probably torture him for a while and then let him go. I like him." You would like Michael Richards, too, if he just out-racist you.

Jesse Jackson's boycott isn't working. Seinfeld season seven DVD is outselling season six by 75 percent, and outselling season five by 90. I think the KKK will be disappointed when they realize Kramer, the character, isn't really racist.


Latest reason Pamela and Kid Rock divorced: Pam parties too much. And he would always end up back at home, watching her kids. That's the price of having sex at Pamela Anderson, Kid.


Danny DeVito was likely drunk on Wednesday's The View.

First, we find out he's been drinking all night with George Clooney, and hasn't been to sleep.

Then, he talks about having sex with his wife, Rhea Perlman, in the Lincoln Bedroom at the White House. Yes, THAT Rhea Perlman. There's just something off-putting about Danny DeVito talking to Rosie O'Donnell about having sex with his wife in the White House


Finally, Rosie has him try to read off some cue cards.


A judge has thrown Anna Nicole Smith out of her house in the Bahamas. She didn't even show up to court to make a defense for the house. I wonder which rich guy will get it sat-on next.


Lindsay Lohan is carrying around the 12 steps. Think AA. But not because she's an alcoholic. I'm still not sure why.

Labels: stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:18 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Target isn't allowing bell ringers for the third straight year. They are doing an online campaign with the Salvation Army and have donated $1 million of their own.

We asked our listeners what they thought.

Segment 1 (1:00)

Segment 2 (1:11)

Segment 3 (3:24)

Segment 4 (5:08)

Segment 5 (5:17)



In other show activity...

The Gnome Guy's gnomes are freezing (1:42).

"I'm freezing my ass off" Tips 2006 (0:30)

Labels: show clips, The Gnome Guy, Tips 2006

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:12 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

You have poetry in your soul, and it's time express it. You might want to keep your Kramer tribute poems to yourself.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

Your crackling energy takes a turn for the mellow and sweet early on in the day. Enjoy it to the fullest. Later on, you find an unexpected reservoir of hatred for Mr. Belvedere.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

It's up to you to take the first step when it comes to fixing a breach between friends or relations. The stars give you the gift of perspective. They also give you the gift of gas. Roll down a window.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Deep emotions come your way. The trouble is, you're so intuitive that you could find yourself drowning in them unless you take care. Never fear! You’ve got a snorkel.

Stooks Proverb: All is fair in love and war, except using Mark Mangino as a human shield.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:27 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

I got home early enough to catch Inside Edition today.

I left the TV quite satisfied and with some fun audio for the show.

A great tease about Britney's new look.

The payoff is even better. Britney hands off her glass of wine and starts her car. But for some reason they lead with "Britney's got a new hat!"


Here's an awkward sentence about that face transplant woman from a year ago.


There was a really odd story about some faith healer.

Sounds like he's Superman.

How he got his powers.

His grandma wouldn't lie.


There was a story about some girl who constantly falls asleep.

Hear about her "handful of medications."

I feel bad that I laughed out loud at this.


This isn't from Inside Edition, but it's pretty funny.

Labels: Inside Edition

Posted by Matt Stooks at 5:49 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

So, what was the tipping point in Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock's relationship?

Could've been Borat. Pam's in Borat, playing herself. I don't remember her doing anything too filthy, but Kid Rock wasn't happy after seeing it. "You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?" Are they sure he's talking about the Borat movie, and not some other piece of Pam's cinematic career?

Or Maybe PETA broke them up. Pamela's big into PETA. Kid Rock is big into hunting. She must've figured out what "hunting" means.

Here's what being married to Kid Rock turns you into.


Speaking of PETA, they've named Nicole Richie "Worst Dressed Celebrity." An impressive feat, considering her shortage of surface area for fur.

Here's what they said about her: "This pelt-wearing party girl is all animal skin and bones. She's an incredible shrinking woman with the heart to match."

Here's what they said about runner-up Ashley Olson: "Wearing fur does add 20 pounds, but if Ashley wants to fill out her frame, we suggest using a fork instead."

Eva Longoria also made the list: "You’d think she’d be more sympathetic to the plight of rabbits considering the way she screws around like one on Wisteria Lane."


Meanwhile, Nicole Richie posted this on her MySpace about her former stylist:

"BLIND ITEM:
What 35 year old raisin face whispers her order of 3 peices of asparagus for dinner at Chateau everynight, and hides her deathly disorder by pointing the finger at me, and used her last paycheck I wrote her to pay for a publisist instead of a nutritionist?
HINT: Her nickname is lettucecup..."

I think I may have solved the "why in the hell are Britney and Paris hanging out at Britney's house for when they could be whoring it up on the town?" mystery. Britney, remembering she's a mom, found out her kid had an ear infection. Paris, liking the idea of playing with Britney's children as if they were Cabbage Patch Kids, decided to help.


Michael Jackson's nanny says she'll be traveling with Michael and Bill Clinton to Rwanda to raise money. Pause for a mental picture. Gross.


Tracy Morgan's been arrested for drunk driving. He could've even avoided jail time, but he turned down a plea offer. Not sure why he turned it down, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with Colin Quinn being the worst Saturday Night Live cast member of all time.


Lindsay Lohan bought an $800 pair of diamond encrusted handcuffs. For trampsing purposes.

Labels: stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 5:14 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Over the Thanksgiving break, my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas for my "big gift."
I asked her when she thought they would cut us off from big Christmas gifts. She thinks never.

We asked our audience, is there a cutoff for Christmas gifts from your parents? I was a little surprised at their answers.

Segment 1 (3:34)

Segment 2 (2:32)

Segment 3 (3:48)

Segment 4 (3:59)

Segment 5 - High Lady (4:30)


We also heard from our Harry Potter fan. He's excited about bad news for Lord of the Rings fans (2:18).

Labels: high lady, show clips, The Harry Potter Fan

Posted by Matt Stooks at 8:50 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

The stars give you a dose of some sweet, slow energy. Your roar turns into a muted purr. Kind of like a feline Helen Keller.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

The people you respect may not understand your plans, but that doesn't mean you should abandon them. They’re just jealous of your mad Hungry Hungry Hippo skills.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Laughter and chaos: It seems like you're torn between one and the other. That’s what happens when you watch Full House while huffing Pine Sol.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Be willing to travel beyond reality as you know it. Staying open-minded is key. This may require throwing the balance of some of your personal relationships out of whack. Not to worry -- the situation is only temporary. Your UPS man will forgive you as the smell fades.

Stooks Proverb: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Because you want to open a cow-tipping business. Duh.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:10 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

The latest "Days" clips:

Celeste's dreams aren't like yours and mine.

Thanksgiving is for hooker girlfriends

"It's face transplant time!"

Labels: Days of our Lives

Posted by Matt Stooks at 8:06 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Hold me...Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are divorcing. He's seeking custody of her breasts.


Jesse Jackson has called for a boycott of the latest Seinfeld box set because of Kramer's racism. Can you guess what Kramer said in response?


Michael Jackson's pulling an Angelina, and lending his support to Africa, specifically, Rwanda. Can you legally molest children there or something?


Kevin Federline is on NBC's trivia game show 1 vs 100 this Friday. Hopefully they let him look good with a question about Mountain Dew or Ice Cube.


Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are chilling at Brit's house as we speak. But doesn't Paris' vagina turn into a pumpkin at midnight if she doesn't get some?


After six years, Richard Simmons is returning to Letterman. Dave must've apologized or worn a rainbow tank top to secure the reunion.


Nicole Kidman continues to look pregnant. She won't talk about the rumors, but her hotel will. They say her workout routine sure resembles a lazy pregnant woman's.


Lance Bass hired a herd of 14 goats to graze on his land for Thanksgiving. You should check out the sweet health plan they got.

Labels: stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:55 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Apparently everyone was too busy with Cyber Monday too contribute to the show today. Us blowing didn't help.

This guy can't watch Seinfeld after what Kramer did (3:37).

We were so desperate for material, we ripped off some audio from a random YouTube video (0:31).

Here's a frightening conversation about some mystery "almost cranberry" dish (1:18).

Labels: show clips

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:18 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

You're over it, but then why are you reliving it in your head -- so much so that you're not even aware of it? The key is to see yourself as you are: a person who has learned the lesson and is truly beyond the situation, rather than seeing yourself as that guy who passed out in urinal five at Rusty’s while still holding onto your Long Island Iced Tea.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

Something that seems settled suddenly changes direction, but there's no need to worry. This is just a small detour before everything gets back on track. Nothing beats a good colon cleanse.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Get ready, because the universe is sending you exactly the information you need, but in a most unusual way. Who would’ve thought the universe used Braille?

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Explore an age-old question with some methods that are unusual for you. When this practice turns out to have exceptional results, you'll want to share it with every person you know. Don’t be saddened by their blank stares when you explain how a Pez dispenser works.

Stooks Proverb: A kind word can even attract a snake from his nest. Maybe Samuel L. Jackson should’ve tried that instead of profanities.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:29 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Britney and Paris look like BFF. They partied at Paris' place after the American Music Awards. Neighbors called the police because their music was so loud.

Then, they had a run-in with Lindsay Lohan this weekend. This is almost as good as the Paris-Lohan danceoff story.

The paparazzi were all focused on Lohan until Paris and Britney pulled up. Lohan gets pissed they stole her attention, gets into her car and chases Paris and Britney while pumping Kevin Federline's CD as loud as she can. Then, Lohan has the gal to think she can hang out with them at the club. Paris and Britney ignore her. Lohan walks away, later saying how talented and attractive she thinks Kevin Federline is. She "wouldn't mind hooking up" with him sometime.

***Collective Sigh/Change in Bloodflow Alert*** Britney Spears and Kevin Federline say "there is no sex tape."

From The Enquirer: Kevin Federline is begging Britney to take him back. He's finally realized he is a failure and can't maintain his lifestyle on his own. And she's hot again.


Michael Richards went on Jesse Jackson's radio show, saying he never used racist words before he got busted for using them. But if he did, here's how it would have happened...


Michael Jackson's been living at "Lord of the Dance," Michael Flatley's house in Ireland since June. Creepy.


John Travolta may have boycotted the TomKat wedding because of the nonvite to Oprah. Oprah has called John her "soulmate" before. I smell an angry Steadman.

Labels: stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 6:25 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

We're in clip show mode tomorrow through Friday, so we made today "Turkey Tuesday."

The High Lady is back in song mode (2:05).

"Words with Chris Casey." Today's word: Giblet (0:30).

It sucks to suck at football on Thanksgiving (1:32).

Bob Barker has "sweet potato" face (3:20).

Labels: "Words with Chris Casey", high lady, show clips

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:03 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

A need to make a fast choice inspires a brilliant decision. You're so grateful for everything you've received. What's more, that gratitude paves the way for even more good fortune to come your way. Isn’t Welfare great?

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

Good fortune is ready to smile on you. Are you ready to receive it? What a silly question -- of course you are! Just to be on the safe side, though, get rid of any blocks and inhibitions that could be in your path. Hey, you knew what you were getting into when you decided on a “murder for book profits” career.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Your motto is 'don't fence me in.' Unfortunately, the rare strain of Hilton Herpe 118 has you under quarantine.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Reserve the right to change your mind, or you might find that a few casual words become a prison. Who would’ve thought the phrase “Cover me in horse feces now, I dare you!” would have such dire consequences.

Stooks Proverb: Give him an inch and he’ll take a yard. Just be glad he didn’t take a meter, because then you’ll be dealing with converting to the metric system, and that’s simply too much for anyone to deal with.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 6:57 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Fox has canceled its special on O.J. Newscorp is also O.J.'s publisher, so they canceled the book, too. "This was an ill-considered project. We are sorry for any pain this has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown-Simpson," said Rupert Murdoch of Fox. So, I guess we might never know how O.J. would have killed Nicole and Ron, if he did, that is.

Labels: stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 5:49 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

If you hadn't heard, The George Michael Sports Machine, in all of its crappy graphics glory, is going off the air.

Labels: show clips

Posted by Matt Stooks at 8:52 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You've been working tremendously hard. Now's the time to take your vitamins, eat right and get plenty of rest – you’ve got Mangino to hunt. Just listen for the wobbling footsteps.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

It's time to go where you want to go and do what you want to do. The stars lift the last remaining restrictions, which means you're free to roam wherever your heart desires. Just see if you can avoid an attack on the “Can I help you?” vest woman in the housewares section.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You take someone's comment to heart, even if it's totally casual or not even meant for you. Nevertheless, something they say strikes a chord when you least expect it. Now you're examining your motives. Maybe you just aren’t a big enough fan to have a Bob Saget poster in your bathroom. He’s got naughty eyes, too, so it might be best for everyone.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You can be very much in control of the process, even as you sit back and let events unfold. Let your intentions be your guide. You know what you want the end result to be, even if you're not sure how to get there. Now if you can just find a shirtless Patrick Swayze to cradle you with his thighs while he guides your hands with his…oh wait, I think I saw a commercial for a Swayze rental service, just $9.99 for the first hour.

Stooks Proverb: Don’t remove a fly from your friend’s forehead with a hatchet. You wouldn’t want to bloody up your favorite hatchet, would you?

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were officially married before they ever arrived in Rome! They had to do it that way, seeing how Italy doesn't recognize Scientology weddings. So the wedding was just for show! You do not waste Brooke Shield's valuable time!

Labels: stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 2:00 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Frank Nareola checks in with his report on the Playstation 3 (3:29).

The Old couple is also concerned about the PS3 (1:57).

"I didn't get a PS3" Tips 2006 (0:30).



What would you do if your significant other had half their face paralyzed? (1:53)

Days of our Lives chat 1 (3:18).

Days of our Lives chat 2 (2:40).

Little brats throwing sticks and stones at cars (3:02).

I came up with a little tribal song (0:21)

One of our callers wants to know about raising a T-Rex (1:15).

Labels: Days of our Lives, Frank Nareola, Free for All Friday

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:24 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

You bring out the best in others. Your ability to get people closer to their goals helps you progress in leaps and bounds on your own as well. Expect a financial windfall to land in your lap just when you need it. Brace yourself. A bucket full of quarters hurts when it’s dumped on your crotch.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

You're on a search-and-destroy mission -- you want to stamp out anything boring, stuffy and tedious. You’ll have to look closely for Joan Rivers. She’s hiding.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You'd rather be the power behind the throne, but the stars say your very special brand of magnetism needs to be front and center. So get in the limelight. You’ll have a horde of beggars at your command in no time.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You need to consider all sides of the question before you can come to a decision. Try taking some time for yourself. Other people's opinions might be more distracting than useful. Figure out what you believe. If it’s that you’re Peter Pan, try again.

Stooks Proverb: There’s no place like home. Unless O.J.’s looking for new book material.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:47 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Justin Timberlake may have slammed Janet Jackson in song. He and Nelly Furtado are on one of the songs from Timbaland's CD, which comes out in march. He may be referring to an appearance on Oprah, where Janet didn't talk very nice about Justin.

Take a listen to the 20-second clip, I've even provided the lyrics.

I saw you tryin' to act cute on TV, Just let me clear the air/ We missed you on the charts last week/ Damn, that's right, you wasn't there.


The mayor of Rome had dinner with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Wednesday. He avoided abduction.


Jim Carey, Brooke Shields, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are among the celebrities arriving in Rome for the wedding. Still no Oprah. They better not plan an "Oh! Swerve!" and have Oprah show up as the maid of honor.


Michael Jackson's World Music Awards appearance didn't go as planned. He was supposed to sing "Thriller" with Chris Brown. Chris ended up doing it by himself. Michael ended up singing just a couple of lines from "We are the World." There are even rumors that Beyonce had to convince him to come out from backstage, and that he had a minivan drive him from his dressing room to the staging area, which was only 20 feet away. He also had some weird demands, like a temporary 18-foot wall around his hotel.

Labels: stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 5:45 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Labels: show clips, The Harry Potter Fan

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Under this influence, there's a definite 'when in Rome, do as the Romans do’ vibe going on with you. Just make sure you get a big enough ring so your Christian can survive the lion attack long enough for a good show.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

Being gracious never hurt, and in this instance, it'll really help. Direct that sparkling charm toward someone who can get you to the next level: the Old Woman Greeter at Walmart is rumored to be quite the minx.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Why are you letting someone else set the rules? Now is the time to find a way around any perceived limitations. You’ll open new routes where only roadblocks existed previously. Soon, your recurring nightmare of being Gary Busey’s dental hygienist will come to an end.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You're in control, but you're not fully comfortable with the position just yet. If you're in doubt, call a team of experts and tell them the situation. You'll effortlessly attract just the people you need in your life: ones who know the proper way to wipe.

Stooks Proverb: Revenge is a dish best served cold. In fact, the best revenge is serving someone a cold bowl of oatmeal.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 8:47 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Emmitt upset Mario Lopez, and won Dancing with the Stars. You could see Mario Lopez' ego completely collapse through his forced smile.


At 45 years old, George Clooney is People's Sexiest Man Alive for the second time, tying Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt is still winning in the "owning more of other people's kids" race, still.


The "Oprah didn't get an invite? Don't go there girl!" story is unfolding a bit more. Some think Oprah's comments to Good Morning America after the couch-jumping fiasco cost her the invite. She thought Tom was faking it. She always catches Gayle at that, too.

Here's some fun Scientology wedding vows info: The groom is reminded that he needs to provide his wife with "clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat." That cat clause might be what's costing Scientology more male members.


Britney Spears' people are talking to Realtors about selling her and K-Fed's mansion for$13.5 million. She'll even throw in a leather couch, complete with Federline sweat-stain outline.

More news is still coming in about the night their divorce became public. The restaurant Kevin was eating at comped his $1200 tab. Knowing it would be his last warm meal, Kevin had them wrap up the leftovers. One person said they saw Kevin "putting napkins in the tops of the tequila and vodka bottles" and trying to hide them in his coat for later. No word on if he succeeded. But knowing the dedicated alcoholic he is, I'm sure he did.


O.J.'s publisher considers the "If I murdered them" book O.J.'s confession. No kidding.

Labels: stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 6:09 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Posted by Matt Stooks at 12:18 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Askmen.com is encouraging its readers to try out dating more than one person at a time.

However, they say you should tell your dates about your multidating ways before you ask them out.

To some, it may sound cool in theory.

We asked, does anyone go for this idea?

Segment 1 (5:04)

Segment 2 (3:04)

Segment 3 (5:07)

Segment 4 (3:16)




Steve Schnell returns to duty with "The Stooks in the Morning Technology Report: PS3 .

Labels: Dating, show clips, Steve Schnell

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:27 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Trying to make everyone happy all at once is a balancing act -- and an impossible one at that. However, if you can balance Bob Saget’s soul on your nose, then everyone will be happy.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Loved ones are demanding more of you than usual -- or is it that you've been withholding more of yourself than you normally do? Come on, do your cross dressing act again this Thanksgiving. Oh, that’s not an act? My bad.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Some stabilizing celestial influences arrive, along with a heightened sense of diplomacy. When you sense that a plan's just not working, not only are you able to pinpoint why, but you can communicate it to the right person: Dennis Haskins, a.k.a., TV’s Richard Belding from Saved by the Bell.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Strengthening bonds requires that you first check to see where they're fraying. This may not be the easiest task, and it'll require a lot of tact and some maneuvering on your part. Finally, a chance for you to put your limbo skills to work.

Stooks Proverb: He who eats alone, chokes alone. That’s why Mangino has an entourage 24/7.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:27 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Tonight's the season finale of Dancing with the Stars, so I better watch.

Some observations: George Lopez is in the crowd. Maybe he's looking for some Mario Lopez jokes to sprinkle in with his blatantly ethnic act. Marcus Allen is in the crowd, too. I guess he's supporting Emmitt Smith.

What's Emmitt doing comparing dancing to the Superbowl?

And doesn't Mario's mom know that Mario knows the difference between winning the real championship or her giving him some homemade piece of crap trophy?

Leave it to Lopez to get obscene on a family TV show.

Drew Lachey dropped by one of Emmitt's dance practices to lend his support. And to see if Emmitt could spot him five bucks.

For some reason, Emmitt chose M.C. Hammer for his freestyle dance. On top of that, it's the house band performing it. You've gotta hear this.

Mario's going to win.

After Dancing with the Stars, ABC premiered "Show me the Money!"

William Shatner is the host.

Unfortunately, the first contestant on the show has a man purse very similar to mine.

And he set back my cause.

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:56 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Katie Holmes bought $3 thousand in lingerie for her wedding this weekend. Maybe they had to pay extra to have anti-Zordon shields sewn in to protect Katie's areoli from the Scientology goons.

Don't go there, girl! Oprah didn't get an invite to the wedding. Oprah says she doesn't feel dissed, and she even plans on buying them a present: a "remove shoes before jumping on couch" sign.


Freakshow Michael Jackson has a ridiculous amount of press following him around London. Once again, I guess I just don't get British humor.

Labels: stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 5:53 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

We haven't had the "Days" segment on the air for more than a year. For some reason, in the last couple months I've been bombarded with requests to bring it back.

Ugh.

Here's the deal: I'll watch an episode and get as many classic clips out of it that I can. Then, I'll share them one at a time for each show. If I go back to watching this show every day, that's it for me.

Enjoy.


Okay, apparently some new actor is playing Shawn, and he's with some new girl I don't recognize. Her name is "Willow." She's not as cool as the sorcerer.

Sounds like she has a reputation as a bit of a whore

Belle's not a big fan, either.

I wish they'd bring the old Belle back. She went off a year or two ago to try out a prime time role that only last five episodes or so. Where is she?

Anytime John Black speaks, hilarity ensues.

John Black and Marlena make a breakthrough. They kiss at the end. Listen for it. Then, imagine me struggling to watch it.



Oh, I forgot to mention: John is flying a plane for some reason and Patrick may be involved in trying to bring the plane down.

Meanwhile, John and Marlena finished making out, with John dropping the line "Maybe I should put this on autopilot. And Marlena replying "I like it better when you fly manual." Then their plane starts malfunctioning.


There's a fun new eye patch character on the show.

He drops a line that only a one-eyed guy could drop. One of the best "Days" lines I've ever heard.


No. It looks like Bo is the father, but Hope thinks Patrick is the baby daddy.

But is she about to find out the truth?

Bo doesn't know baby-daddy drama, but he does know Patrick is up to no good.

Labels: Days of our Lives

Posted by Matt Stooks at 4:43 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Last week, I went to the gas station. As I was about to pay, an old woman came in and made a scene about the credit card machine not reading her card at the pump. She was being unreasonable thinking she might get charged twice. Unreasonable like a fox. I think certain old people take advantage of being old by trying to cheat their way to free gasoline and other various items.

We asked our listeners, what kind of old person will you be?

Segment 1 - I know how the old people operate (2:52)

Segment 2 - The Player (1:00)

Labels: high lady, old people, show clips, swap shop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:24 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Focusing on your shortcomings takes the fun out of living and makes you notice others' shortcomings, too. The power of positive thinking is no joke -- the more you do it, the more powerful you'll feel, even though you have a giant growth under your left eye. Stop picking at it.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

Distractions may be taking up all of your loved ones' time at this moment, and you're at a loss about how to help. Maybe you should plan a distraction of your own to distract them from their distractions. Louie Anderson in drag usually does the trick.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Stamina and a discerning eye: Those two qualities enable you to fix just about anything that needs adjusting right now. Buying just the right air freshener to cover up the dead rodent smell in your house is a tough dilemma.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Some items have been hanging around on your to-do list for too long. Tie up the loose ends, but make sure you go all the way. Granny knots won't suffice -- you need to seal these with a double knot, a bow and whatever adhesive is keeping Bob Barker together.

Stooks Proverb: Dig the well before you are thirsty. And if you’re thirsty and vengeful at the same time, you can throw your victim down the well after enjoying a nice, fresh glass of water.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:03 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Astrologers warn: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wedding this Saturday will be a shame. Their signs simply don't make for a good wedding that day. It's too late! They've arrived in Rome Monday! I don't think they're worried. Tom wouldn't believe in something as silly as astrology.


The guy who owns Anna Nicole's house in the Bahamas turned off the power Friday. He says she hasn't paid him, she says it was a gift. Larry Birkhead says he is the only reason Anna Nicole fled to the Bahamas anyway, so he must own the house. Anna Nicole is house hunting, if that helps your twisted mind process this story.


Kevin Federline found the time to sign some autographs when he was shopping at Walmart the other day. Then, he played with the blood pressure machine for a couple hours, freaking out at the test results at one point.


People are already wondering if there's any chance Britney will get back with Justin Timberlake. Well, she did manage to age herself past Cameron Diaz...


Nicole Richie and a random friend ordered McDonald's drive-thru! "The girls ordered two Big Macs, large fries, an order of Chicken McNuggets and a vanilla shake," a source tells Star. I don't think anyone's ever question Nicole's ability to eat. It's more the ability to digest that has us concerned.





Ellen Pompeo from Grey's Anatomy is engaged. One hint: it's not to the guy who plays George.

Labels: stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 6:23 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

"Don't you even think of tweakin' that."

In other show activity...

The Iraqi Woman is upset she couldn't shoot off guns in a celebratory manner after K-State beat Texas this weekend (2:19).

"Words with Chris Casey." Today's word: "florist" (0:30).

Labels: show clips

Posted by Matt Stooks at 8:43 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Your leadership skills continue to shine early in the day, so handle the big picture. Later on, you discover that tying up loose ends and finishing the details hits the spot. Then, you can show off to everyone how good you are at tying shoes.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

Who can resist you when you've got that certain sparkle in your eye? It’s usually a different group of people than the ones who can’t resist you when your eyes are bloodshot.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Step out and strut your stuff. The stars say you can't go wrong. However, the guy with the quart of Pennzoil in his hair is jealous of your moves. Take heed.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Sweeping the dirty bits under the rug will bite you in the behind when you least expect it. On second thought, you probably should anticipate disaster from your nude magic carpet ride.

Stooks Proverb: Life is just a bowl of cherries. Some fat guy eats them all before you even get one.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:19 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

K-Fed has a Britney sex tape that he's holding ransom. He's already been offered $50 million for it, but he's willing to be a good guy and let it go for a little less for Britney.

Britney Spears wants to give away pictures of her second son instead of selling them. She wants to make sure Kevin gets as little money from her as possible, and seeing how he was seen buying undies in Walmart, I'd say she's doing a good job.. She wanted to do a shoot with the baby in Vogue, but they turned her down. Ouch. Meanwhile, Britney's first ex, Jason Alexander, says he still loves her.

Here's an interesting stat: before her marriage to Kevin, Britney was worth $100 million. Now it's closer to $50 million. Who would've thought being married to a pothead could use up your cash so quickly.


Did Lindsay Lohan call Paris Hilton a naughty four-letter word the other day?






Must be nice: Anna Nicole Smith is one of the hottest election year issues in the Bahamas.


That "Denise Richards Throws Laptops from Balcony" story just got a little less cool. Turns out, a laptop didn't hit the 80-year-old woman in a wheelchair, it just landed dangerously close. And she only threw one laptop, not two.


Jack Palance died Friday. I enjoyed him.

Labels: show notebook, stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:17 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Weird Free for All today.

"I made a 'yo mama' joke"/"That 'yo mama' joke sucked"/Phill Kline (3:28).

Softball chat (1:49)

"Alec" is a name for sillies (1:11).

Topeka Seaman Fight Song (0:28).

Posted by Matt Stooks at 8:55 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Prospects that you thought had evaporated reappear in your life when you least expect them to. Those sneaky ghosts.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

It's time to free yourself of stale situations that are more trouble than they're worth. Well, at least you now know the problems with making a bicycle out of Sourdough bread.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

When you want, you can be the most charismatic person in the room -- and you do it with such low-key but brilliant style that most people don't even know what hit them. You get tons of flattering attention today. Much better than the time you had pancake in your teeth.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You're not just going to take what someone tells you at face value, are you? You need to wait until you can see the evidence with your own eyes -- and even then, you might come to a completely different conclusion about Bea Arthur’s alleged hearing problem.

Stooks Proverb: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. A bird in the blender is worth drinking if you are dying of starvation and don’t have anything else to sustain you.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:07 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Ed Bradley from 60 Minutes died of leukemia today. Not even Mike Wallace knew anything about Ed's leukemia.

I really liked Ed Bradley, so I feel bad making a joke already.

But you have to listen to Mike Wallace talk about Ed's mom to CNN.

Very odd

Labels: show notebook, stooks scoop

Posted by Matt Stooks at 1:10 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

I'm writing this as Donald is giving his Landon Lecture at K-State.


Ever wonder why we applaud people for not getting divorced or for being alive to be married for a certain number of years? Why is that?

Applauding Rumsfeld's marriage skills.


Obviously, this speech came at an odd time, what with his being fired Wednesday. Rummy's doing a good job in this appearance so far. He's usually pretty entertaining to watch, and you do feel a little bad for him.

Rums describes how good he did publicizing this speech.


Rummy seems to be having a hard time hearing/understanding the questions from the audience so far.

Listen to this mass confusion.


If you remember, when Bush was in town, someone asked if he'd seen Brokeback Mountain.

Listen to this guy fall flat on his face trying to reference that moment.


Uh oh, the Chinese language instructor has two questions she'll struggle to get through.

Boring question #1

Boring and really ridiculous question #2


Okay, now something weird has happened. Right toward the end of his speech, the video goes to some reporter outside Bramlage. She's standing there, obviously not knowing she's live.

Here's the mic check.

Now, the camera is just staring at her for another silent minute.

Now she's talking to some K-State student who "saw the speech." Wait a minute, I'm watching the speech live, and I get cut off by a close-up of this reporter who's talking to some student who "saw the speech." The speech is still obviously going on, and this student's remarks couldn't be any more generic. Scandal on "Kansas NOW 22!"

Take a listen

Labels: politics, show notebook

Posted by Matt Stooks at 11:23 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Despite being fired yesterday, Donald Rumsfeld will still talk to K-State students today.

The Iraqi Woman is concerned (3:30).

"Rummy Chat" Segment 1 (1:59).

"Rummy Chat" Segment 2 (4:17).

Silver Forrest Retirement Community has an unbelievable offer for Rummy (0:35).

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:34 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

This current energy makes you results-oriented and gives you fantastic taste. It’s times like these that make you question the limited availability of the McRib.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

A good cleaning from top to bottom and putting up some new shelves could help you feel safe and secure, which is exactly what you need right now. Keep the home fires burning by taking the time to update your nest. That hairdo of yours is so 2003.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Have you been spending too much time on something that is essentially a lost cause? Think about this matter very seriously. Is it making your life easier or harder? Could you put your energy to better use? It’s time to let Neil Patrick Harris go.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Let the nurturing side of your nature come out in an unusual -- and tougher -- way. Sometimes cookies and milk keeps the person who needs a pick-me-up in an infantile state. Especially when you put the date rape drug in there.

Stooks Proverb: You can’t run with the hare and hunt with the hounds, unless you’re a rabbit that wears some kind of clever hound costume.

Labels: stooksoscope

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:30 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Listen as Rosie shows why she's got a job on The View, and I don't.


Tons of K-Fed news today. First, the last straw may have been when Kevin stood her up last Thursday, leaving her alone to weep at the restaurant. Monday night, Kevin was filming a special with MuchMusic, when he gets a text message from Britney that seems to break the news that she's leaving him. Ouch, dumped on text message. He was even talking about how great his relationship was just before he got the message.

Then, Britney shows up on David Letterman a couple hours later. Just for a second, showing off her body, then leaving.

Kevin's CD debuted at 151 on the sales charts, with only six thousand copies sold. You can even get free tickets to see him at the House of Blues in Chicago, that's how bad he is.

Britney's first father-in-law says she should have stayed married to his son Jason, that kid she got married to on a whim in Vegas.

Kevin Federline's friends aren't abandoning him. He's still got a couple weeks of supply left.


Nicole Kidman not only looks pregnant, she is! As the Enquirer says, "she broke the news" to Keith Urban in rehab.


A photographer rear-ended Lindsay Lohan at 2:00 in the morning the other day. That's Lindsay's third wreck caused by the paparazzi. I'm guessing this was after she taped her appearance for Oprah. Wouldn't that be great if Lohan had Oprah stashed somewhere in the car? And Steadman was cheating on Oprah with Gayle King? And Maya Angelou paid someone to install hidden cameras in all of their bedrooms? That's the stuff.


Michael Jackson's going to perform Thriller at the World Music Awards next week. I can't find a listing for the awards ceremony. I'm thinking only British people will get to watch the "World" Music Awards.


Fun clips for Thursday's show

From Who Wants To Be A Millionaire: A guy who settled for $500,000 instead of taking a chance on the million gets pissed when he finds out he should've trusted his gut and gone for the million.

The following are from Dr. Phil's Wednesday show

The opening tease

"Urban Cougars" and "Sugar Daddies."

Dr. Phil says "I'm not sayin'"

Creepy 18-year-old girl calling her 40-year-old boyfriend "daddy."

Posted by Matt Stooks at 4:09 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

America's couple, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are divorcing. Today, we tried to heal.

Segment 1 - "It's over for everyone" (3:21).

Segment 2 - The High Lady plans her next move (1:36).

Posted by Matt Stooks at 8:58 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Having a mother is simultaneously a deeply personal and widely universal experience. Honor those nurturing energies in your life by either talking with your mother or honoring the mother you've created from the body parts of dead streetwalkers you found in Vegas.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

The message and the messenger are right on target, but the timing is wrong. Although you know you have information that will turn this situation around, you need to wait. No one’s in the boardroom at 1:00 Thanksgiving morning to hear your solution to the rapid urinal cake vaporization taking place in the men’s restroom.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Be prepared to shift gears as the situation changes. If you do, you'll be able to put the smorgasbord of today's astrological influences to their best use. Start out fast and furious and downshift to sweet and slow by the afternoon. Then, downshift to “pudding rolling down the hill” mode.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Your life has been so hectic lately that an uneventful day seems like a gift straight from the stars. Unfortunately a gift from Big Bird flying overhead won’t seem like such a gift.

Stooks Proverb: There’s no such thing as bad publicity, unless that publicity is about your tragic death after falling face first into a blender set on “puree.”

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:31 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Shocker! Britney Spears has filed for divorce. He was on the WWE again last night. I wonder if the fact he makes more money wrestling than he ever will as a singer had anything to do with that decision. I wonder if someone told her that her kids would get half their DNA from Federline? Too many unanswered questions.

Meanwhile, he's being sued for illegally sampling "She Blinded Me With Science."

And he's even resorted to rapping out hints with the online game show Gold Rush. Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer were answers to his clues. I'm not even joking. You can watch the entire segment here. Or you can just listen to the good parts below.

Listen to the host explain the ridiculous premise of the game, "Private Dancers," in which Federline raps while eight guys in camo march around him in some kind of freak dance.

Listen to his MC Hammer clue.

Listen to his Vanilla Ice clue.



Don't let all this Federline nonsense distract you from remembering Anna Nicole Smith exists. Now, that rich guy with the vasectomy says Anna Nicole tried to get him to agree to be on the birth certificate when he visited her in the Bahamas after the baby was born.

Posted by Matt Stooks at 4:52 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

In a blatant ripoff of our Free For all Friday feature, we did "You Decide" Tuesday, so our listeners could decide if they cared to talk about politics or something completely irrelevant.

Guns and pancakes (2:51)

Morrison stash (3:16)

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:23 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

The stars give you the ability to think, talk and act at the speed of light. But you still won’t be able to get to the bathroom in time after a 4 a.m. stop at Denny’s.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Go ahead and give in to a whim. Friends may be envious of what you accomplish, so make sure to keep your talk about this modest. Your eye for clearance pricing on garter belts draws the ire of many.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

A million different topics interest you right now, and with good reason. The stars are taking your usual laser-like focus and directing it toward various eclectic areas. What happens in the handicap stall stays in the handicap stall.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You have a little extra spring in your step. In fact, the sparkle in your eye is well past the legal limit. You could charm your way into or out of just about anything right now. But charm doesn’t work on the Twix bar, clinging for its life on the spring in the vending machine.

Stooks Proverb: Beggars can’t be choosers, but you still shouldn’t try to trick them into thinking some dirt clumps wrapped in foil are brownies.

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:03 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Snoop Dogg turned himself into police for weapons possession Monday. When he made bail, he signed autographs as if he was quite familiar with the surroundings. Hmmmmm.


Madonna claims to be raising her baby as both Kaballah and Christian. That's cheating.


Kirstie Alley showed off her new body on Oprah Monday. Nope. Still no blood flow down there.

Posted by Matt Stooks at 6:15 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Photoshop Adam gave me one of his valuable dating tips: using iqtest.com to trick girls into thinking you're smarter than you are. You take the test a couple times to get the answers down, then somehow talk the girl into taking the test with you. When you score 200, she apparently drops trow.

Segment 1 - Photoshop explains himself (1:28).

Segment 2 - Smart ladies skinny dipping (1:24).

Oddly, you can fit five "Smart Cars" in a short bus.

In other show activity...

The High Lady's confused about a joke I made about Kanye West's tirade at the MTV Europe Awards this weekend (4:57).

Viewer Mail raises more questions about Stooks in the Morning activity at Manhattan parks (2:05).

Dick Cheney is going hunting tomorrow, on election day. It's the first time he's been hunting since he blew that dude's face off.

This inspired another edition of "Dick Cheney Says" (0:30).

Posted by Matt Stooks at 8:54 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Be careful whom you hang out with -- you're in an impressionable state of mind. Before you know it, beliefs, sayings and habits that aren't really yours could become ingrained in your personality. Why don’t they list that side effect on the Robitussin bottle?

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

You bring a little extra flair to everyday tasks. Why do people ask for your advice on just about everything? Your complete lack of connection with the way society operates provides plenty of laughs for everyone.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Start the day in a low gear, and make sure to take your time with the important tasks. As the hours progress, you find your energy kicking higher and higher. By afternoon, you're ready to take on the world. By night, you’re ready for a violent, downward spiral, complete with compulsive watching of Saved by the Bell, season three.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

In the morning, finish any difficult tasks so in the afternoon you can go out and socialize. Just be prepared for that hangover that’ll hit about the time you’re watching Heroes tonight.

Stooks Proverb: Eat to live, but don’t live to eat. Have you learned nothing from Mangino?

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:12 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Everyone's coming out this year. Doogie Howser is gay. NPH would never do that.


Madonna encourages her drivers to run red lights and violate other traffic laws to get away from the press. Then, she goes home and reads her Princess Di propaganda.


Last I checked, Larry Birkhead's website was down, but TMZ.com got a peak before it went down. He was writing to his baby again. He talked about a trip to Disneyland that he thought would cheer him up, but backfired when he felt lonesome seeing the other kids. He also dropped this gem: "I am ready to fight anyone and everyone that gets in my way. One day, you will thank me for fighting for you when others expected me to just walk away." After reading this, the baby totally ragged on Birkhead on her MySpace.


After seeing Kevin Federline perform to a meager crowd of 300 in New York, one concertgoer said "If I had a bucket, I would vomit in it right now.” He had to beg to keep the concert from being canceled and then took the stage three hours late waiting for more fans to show up.


Paris Hilton was smuggling some mystery woman into a club in Hollywood. Some think it's Lohan, and others think it's the digestively-challenged Nicole Richie.

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:46 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Another Free for All.

The High Lady called with some nonsense (4:14).

Mannheim Steamroller fan/Having babies between bouts of savings (1:26).

The World Series was rigged/Messing with drunks (3:08).

The problem with Coach's in Salina (1:49).

Justin Timberlake: Eunuch/Beating the cops (1:44).

The million dollar drug bust (2:58).

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:26 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

A dearly held wish of yours is about to become reality. When it happens, you'll have to make some big changes in your life. Some advice about how to deal with it is coming your way, albeit in a strange disguise. Damn you Halloween Costume clearance pricing!

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

As brightly as your light burns, remember that you're also part of a team, personally and professionally. Playing nice has big dividends if you know what to ask for -- and, most importantly, how to ask for it: mayo on the side.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Fire, water, air: You have a healthy serving of all the major astrological energies today, and all you need to truly balance it out is a little earthy energy. Just be careful when you’re picking out what dirt to eat. Stay out of Mangino’s backyard.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Just what you needed: a little fire in the belly! The stars give you whatever's necessary to take it to the next level. Make sure you consult your head, your heart and your hemorrhoids before taking your next steps.

Stooks Proverb: Don’t cut down the tree that gives you shade, unless it made a pass at your mom.

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:01 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Anna Nicole is finally talking, well, was finally talking to reporters before her lung collapsed and she ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. The interviews started to air Thursday. Meanwhile, a sworn witness says Anna Nicole told her that Larry Birkhead is the father of her baby.

Listen to ET henchman Mark Steines at the end of this clip. It sounds like he's encouraging Anna to just go ahead and end it all.

The rest of her interview is a little out of bounds for my taste.

However, ET did have a frightening preview for their next show.

Bea Arthur has a problem.

Feel sad for Bea? I know what will make you feel better.

"The Bea Arthur is Doomed" happy remix by Matt Stooks.



Tom Cruise is taking over United Artists/MGM with the producer who helped him make box office gross of almost $3 billion. It's the only piece of good career news for him in years. Good. Maybe we can finally get the quality Scientology movie we all deserve! Oh, I almost forgot to mention that he and Katie had a steak dinner at an upscale restaurant Wednesday night. That a-hole!


Trouble! Page Six says Bob Barker was forced out of The Price is Right and they've already signed CBS Early Show weatherman Dave Price to replace him. I was thinking the same thing. The head of CBS thought Bob Barker would continue to do the show until he died, which would cause production on the show to shutdown for a year. No hard feelings Bob, but we need our Plinko!


Hide your children. Madonna says she isn't ruling out another adoption. She really is publicity stunting this thing all over the place, I don't care what anyone says.


It looks like Paris Hilton wants to ruin another quality woman: Elisha Cuthbert from Girl Next Door and 24. Elisha totally dissed her boyfriend at some club and took off with Paris!


Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray are feuding. Martha had a live show with Barry Manilow. At the same time in New York, Rachael Ray had a previously taped show with Barry, so Barry was on at the same time! Catfight over Manilow. I had no idea he still had it in him.

Posted by Matt Stooks at 5:45 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Almost everyone in my apartment building will give a simple grunt or even look away when I say "hey, how's it going?"

We wonder why people can't say "hi."

Segment 1 (3:33)

Segment 2 (2:19)

"Words with Chris Casey." Today's word: cherub (0:30).

The Stoner plans to watch "Borat" in an interesting manner (2:39).

How sweet: a husband take his wife to the gynecologist (0:46).

Posted by Matt Stooks at 8:51 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

There are few things more intoxicating than daydreams, Mel Gibson’s urine sample being one of them.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

A sudden burst of emotion could cause you to unleash your temper if you don't take care. Otherwise you might just rip the head off the Happy Meal toy you just got.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You're inspired to get up off of that thing and start moving. You might want to Febreze that recliner after you peal yourself off your own sweat stain.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Head, heart and a sense of connection: You've got it all in balance right now. Just add a little intellectual energy and a Twizzler binger to the current mix of influences and you've got the recipe for success.

Stooks Proverb: Never write a letter when you’re angry. You’re likely to paper cut your wrists in that state of mind.

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:30 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Anna Nicole Smith is doing her first interview since everything happened. It'll be on Entertainment Tonight Thursday. She must have some new weight pill to push. Oh, by the way, she's in the hospital now for pneumonia.


Kevin Federline got booed on Halloween. He's living the white trash dream, of course they despise him.


Madonna says before she adopted her new kid, she offered to give the kid's dad money to raise him. When he turned her down, she took that as a sign that she should just take the kid instead.


American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee says Nicole Richie should give her a call. She thinks she can offer her support, seeing as McPhee was bulimic for five years. And it'd help to get some tips in case McPhee gets bulimic again.


Uh oh! Angelina Jolie LOOKS pregnant. It's amazing what a small breeze can do for a photographers paycheck.

Posted by Matt Stooks at 10:05 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Donald Rumsfeld is speaking at K-State next Thursday.

The Iraqi woman has some thoughts (4:06).


Bob Barker is leaving the Price of Right in June.

I shared some memories and convinced a listener into thinking Bob Barker murdered Rod Roddy (2:12).

We also discussed whether everyone actually does hate Tom Cruise (3:02).

Posted by Matt Stooks at 9:20 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post   

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Feeling like you're ready to go beyond what you know and start exploring what really gets you excited? The stars say there's no time like the present, except for the times that a guy takes it in the junk on the Saget edition of “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

Dreams of the ideal home fill your head. Just remember, you don’t know anyone who has close to the cash necessary to buy a refrigerator with the size box you require.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You always get what you want eventually, but right now you have to pay a few dues. Fortunately, you have the strength of mind and the physical stamina to deal with way more than this. There are worse things than getting a swirly in the men’s restroom at Silverado’s.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Reading between the lines is right up your alley. You can tell when someone's not being entirely honest about a certain matter. Rein in any impulsiveness. Just keep all the information and urine samples handy for later, when you can use them.

Stooks Proverb: Better to be born lucky than rich. But if you can only swing being born rich, just hope your mom isn’t Anna Nicole.

Posted by Matt Stooks at 7:07 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post