Google Trends is a pretty cool tool for seeing what the world is searching for over a given time period.  I subscribe to an RSS feed in Google Reader that delivers the latest hot trends.  Some pretty random stuff shows up.  For example, tonight's 11 pm feed shows Habba Syndrome at number 13.  

What is Habba Syndrome?

Habba Syndrome was first described by Saad F. Habba, MD. The main symptom of Habba Syndrome is post-pandrial diarrhea, (three or more bowel movements per day for at least three months, which can range from simple urgency to incontinence) which is generally thought to be due to dysfunctional gallbladder which produces inappropriate amount of bile, but cholecystectomy does not greatly influence the symptoms, and approximately 10% of patients have nearly no change. Hence, the gallbladder may not be the only factor causing the syndrome.

Making this odd query even odder, "cordless drill" is listed as a "related search" at the trend page. I'm sorry, but I don't want to be anywhere near a Habba Syndrome sufferer handling a cordless drill.  That situation holds the potential for a pretty decent mess.

Labels: disease, fun with words, internet, toilet

Have you ever been in a car with heated seats? They're quite handy when it gets cold outside. But if you're not expecting the seat warmer to be on, it's quite a different sensation, as you feel your ass slowly warm for reasons you can't explain. It's more of a "Did I just crap myself?" type of feeling.  

Labels: random nonsense, restrooms, toilet

I went to Tomfooleries for happy hour last night.

The food was great, the drink specials were on target, but the bathroom situation was a little disconcerting. We sat in the fairly new upstairs area, which probably seats about 100 people, maybe more. One unisex toilet was in place to serve this area.

Here's why you shouldn't have a unisex bathroom:

1. You don't know if someone's in there. You have to check the door handle, frightening the person inside, and possibly yourself if the door ends up unlocked, and Mangino's twin is dropping a serious chicken fried steak bomb with the "hover technique."

2. Women. They take forever in there.

3. "The Piss Notch." That little notch in the front of the toilet seat encourages men to to urinate without lifting that filthy seat. This results in an even filthier seat. I don't think the Piss Notch was meant to be a Piss Notch at all. Rather, it's a "Don't Touch Other People's Genatalia Through Seat Interaction" Notch. Not quite as catchy.

Labels: bars, restaurants, restrooms, toilet

Cider Fest is this weekend in Louisburg. I have other plans, but if you're looking to blow out your colon, Cider Fest is the way to go.

The festivities start with a pancake breakfast from 9 to 11 a.m. followed by a barbecue from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Live music and entertainment begin at noon and run until the end of each day.

Pancake's, barbecue and cider could be one of the best recipes for diarrhea I've ever heard. Huzzah!

Labels: restrooms, toilet

Once or twice a year, I have to do the toilet paper shuffle. The latest incident was at my friend Tony's place in Chicago.

I noticed the short supply of toilet paper on the roll as I was completing my pinch. I conserved the paper as best I could, but was still one wipe short. I opened a cabinet within reach of the toilet, a likely location for toilet paper reserves. Nothing.

I turned to the toilet paper shuffle. Waddling around, pants at ankles, cabinet-to-cabinet, and ending at the closet. Tony doesn't keep his toilet paper reserves in his bathroom!

Luckily, he had some cotton balls. You can stretch out a cotton ball to about 1/4 the size of regulation ply. It was the essence of comfort, and no noticeable dingleberries resulted.

Labels: restrooms, toilet

Thanks to Larry Craig, law-abiding visitors to public restrooms can no longer sit upon the toilet with a wide stance.

The senator then tapped his right foot, "a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct," Karsnia wrote, and Craig ran his left hand several times underneath the partition dividing the stalls.

The officer then showed his police identification under the divider and pointed toward the exit "at which time the defendant exclaimed `No!'" the complaint said.

When the police interviewed him later, the senator said that "he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom" and that was why his foot may have touched the officer's, the report said.

Labels: politics, RIP, toilet