CNN grabbed a handful of undecided Iowa voters, gave them a rotary dial and threw them in a room during the Republican debate Wednesday.

If a candidate said something the voters liked, the voters would turn their knobs to the right, indicating a positive reaction. If a candidate said something the voters didn't like, the voters would turn their knobs to the left, indicating a negative reaction.

Then, CNN mashed the real-time responses with the video and fed it to us as news.

Check out the negative reaction to Alan Keyes.

Labels: media, politics, polls

John McLaughlin says "If I flap my wings like this, I can fly!"

Labels: politics, random nonsense

I'm a huge Ron Paul fan. Watch John Stossel drool when asking Ron if he'd even let the state's legalize heroin.

Labels: media, politics

Scenario time. You passionately oppose the war in Iraq. You feel the need to speak out, but you know that every time you speak, you're only hurting your cause. People who've come to hate the war, now like it to spite you. Why would you continue to speak? It's because your name is Sean Penn, and you're either a moron or a neoconservative in disguise (his latest ramblings here).

Labels: celebrities, politics

I guess I complained too early about the media name-dropping the Nebraska mall shooter.

Now, we're getting video footage of him walking into the mall and cocking his AK-47. Is our media capable of any restraint? Am I a moron to think this encourages other "troubled teens" to go psycho in front of security cameras?

Politicians and the media are always competing for my hatred. I never thought I'd say the media were winning that battle.

Labels: media, politics

God is getting all kinds of attention this week. The Golden Compass is getting some God-related press. Mitt Romney says he's cool with God.

Why do we care? I understand the importance of religion in people's lives. But can we stop debating our beliefs in public? Just because someone believes something different from you is no reason to piss down your leg. Jesus...I mean, "non-denominational celestial being."

Labels: movies, politics

President Bush is a moron. Today, he talked about the national intelligence estimate, which said Iran stopped its nuclear weapons program four years ago.

"I have said Iran is dangerous, and the NIE doesn't do anything to change my opinion about the danger Iran poses to the world. Quite the contrary."

Quite the contrary? Do you know what "contrary" means? Basically, you're saying a report from 16 intelligence agencies saying Iran stopped its nuclear weapons program four years ago reinforces your position that Iran has a nuclear weapons program.

I'm sick of this President.

Labels: fun with words, politics

Barack Obama said "I have not been planning to run for President for however number of years some of the other candidates have been planning for."

Hillary Clinton's campaign, looking to call BS, tracked down a quote from his kindergarten teacher. She said Barack wrote an essay with the title "I Want To Become President."

I can only imagine what a further look at Barack's kindergarten work would reveal. If you think illegal immigrants are bad, just wait until President Obama lets our streets overrun with a variety of fire-breathing reptilian characters, clowns and Human Growth Hormone victims.

Labels: kids, politics

I'm making my way through the Republican YouTube Debate.

This is depressing, and not just because Anderson Cooper has to say "time" 15 times per response before a candidate finally shuts up. How about cutting a candidate's mic 10 seconds after you say "time." Why hasn't CNN hired me yet?

I haven't been around all that long, but every debate I've ever seen is the same. Taxes and foreign policy make sense as themes with no end in sight, but how many years are we going to have to put up with hearing about gun laws, health care, Social Security and immigration? What would you think if we're still dealing with these same go-nowhere issues in 30 years?

I hate this YouTube format. CNN airs whatever questions it would've asked in the first place, but we have to watch some douche with his clever props asking the question. I don't need the visual of a guy eating corn to understand his question about the Farm Bill. I don't need a guy shooting his gun to understand his gun law question.



Here's a question: How many guns do you own? How is this relevant to policy decisions? Yes, if you own a gun, it's fairly obvious that you're against more gun control. But, if you don't own a gun, does that mean you're for more gun control? Do they ask pro-choice candidates how many abortions they or their significant other have had? "I just want to make sure they're committed," says Pro-Choice Sally.

I can't believe we're subjected to a year of this crap every four years.

By the way, just who does Chuck Norris think he is?

Labels: dumbasses, politics

A new message might be coming from Osama bin Laden. Will it be a video? Will Osama sport an embarrassing new facial hair style? Or will he steer clear of the "Just for Men" treatment this time? Some website, obviously stocked with pedophiles, but surely devoid of babies playing with iPhones, Lolcats, and girls feasting and re-feasting on feces had this to say:

"Soon, God willing, (we will post) a new message to the European people from the lion Imam who defeated the Americans and tyrants, Sheikh Osama bin Laden...Let this message be posted by various Western Web sites so that we deliver to them the truth of their lost war and (confront) them with the purposely hidden fact."

And let it be mashed up with great Western songs like the ever-popular "Macarena," "Achy Breaky Heart," and "Before He Cheats." Furthermore, let Western novice special effects artists put a light saber in Osama's hand and utilize him in those hilarious Coors Light press conference ads featuring Western NFL coaches and wacky fans asking questions.

Labels: politics

Thanks to his Nobel Prize win, Al Gore got the pleasure of meeting with President Bush Monday.

Labels: politics

Mike Huckabee keeps trying to trick everyone into thinking he's the Republican, less orally pleased Bill Clinton. He'll really be pushing it once he starts playing guitar on the modern day version of Arsenio Hall (Ellen?).

Labels: media, music, politics

Labels: dumbasses, politics, this is america, ugly people

A guy is gay, but a woman is a lesbian. But a lesbian is also gay. "Lesbian" just helps specify the sex of the gay without adding extra words. There's a word specifically for men who are gay, but it's not a nice word.

How come the lesbians get their own word, and the male gay population is left to share the ever-so-bland "gay" with the lesbians, who already have a pretty kick ass word to themselves?

Furthermore, how come public officials always say "gay and lesbian rights" instead of just "gay rights?"

I don't get it. Someone explain, please.

Labels: fun with words, gay, politics

Lou Dobbs says:

As I say in my new book -- Independents Day: Awakening the American Spirit -- the arrogance of our political leaders now threatens the future of our nation, and their elitist sense of entitlement has reached such heights that our leaders are now openly dismissive of the will of the people. Working men and women and their families are simply not being represented in Washington.

You might have a point, Dobbs, but do you have to preface it with "As I say in my new book"?

Labels: books, movies, politics, tv

Okay, can we get a week off from something going horribly wrong in the Middle East?

Now, Pakistan's causing trouble before the American public could even figure out how to pronounce "Ahmadinejad." There's a war in Iraq, Turkey's pissed, and we're still trying to fix Israeli-Palestinian relations.

Seriously, the Middle East is not a fun place. I couldn't imagine someone going there on vacay.

Labels: politics

I'm so proud of Christopher Burke for his Attorney General nomination.

Labels: fun with photos, politics, random nonsense

Waterboarding is getting a lot of press lately.

Waterboarding (aka "water boarding") is the practice of immobilizing an individual on his or her back, with the head inclined downward, and pouring water over the face to force the inhalation of water and induce the sensation of drowning.

How could something so horrifying have such a fun, California-style name? Do they at least play some Beach Boys while all this is going down?

Labels: fun with words, politics

I've always thought way too many voters make their choices on team mentality.

When George W. Bush ran against John Kerry, many people cited the "beer test" for where their vote would go. Who would be more fun to have a beer with? That's who you would vote for.

Almost as bad, is this weird "Hillary's a woman, she knows what it's like to be me!" thing for a lot of women, as Hillary has 2/3 of all democratic females polling her way. Yes, it would be great to have a woman president, but shouldn't women weigh this fact a little differently? Shouldn't you at least take into consideration how she would be as president? Because if she does a crappy job, men everywhere will unite to point out what's between her legs.

Labels: hillary clinton, politics

This article points out Kucinich's total domination in the results:

But here's the interesting point. This website also gives some statistical history of how people have voted. As of this writing, 153,350 people have completed the quiz. Of those people, more than half (57% in fact) have discovered that Dennis Kucinich is the candidate they should be supporting.

Of course, you have to take into account who might be taking this poll in the first place. For example, Kucinich is an Internet sensation. People love blogging about him and looking at him. Spending all this time online will likely lead to them discovering the "Pick Your Candidate" site.

Labels: dumbasses, internet, politics

Keanu Reeves has me concerned about global warming. But Bonnie Raitt is telling me nuclear power, a key way to fight gloabal warming, is no good. My head's going to explode from the inner conflict!

Keanu?

Raitt?

Who will win the battle for my mind?

BTW, I hate to say it, but I really think the guy who plays Peter in "Heroes" gets his acting cues from Keanu. I was looking for a YouTube video to reinforce my position, but it seems that you can't upload a Heroes video to YouTube without adding some Nickelback for the soundtrack.

Labels: celebrities, politics

Get ready to hear plenty about this "Democrats need vaccinations before going to NASCAR events" story.

In an e-mail, a staffer who works for committee chairman Rep. Bennie Thompson, D-Miss., noted an "unusual need for whomever attending to be vaccinated against hepatitis A and B," as well as "the more normal things — tetanus, diphtheria, and of course, seasonal influenza."

This is already getting loads of play from Republicans trying to convince the two non-Republican NASCAR fans to convert.

I love the fact that NASCAR fans are all "they think we've got diseases" instead of "yeah, there usually are about 100 thousand people at NASCAR events, I guess it's reasonable that some political hack might get concerned about the possibility of a stuffy nose."

Note: NASCAR-inspired mullets are traveling petri dishes.

Labels: NASCAR, politics, this is america

A third of U.S. women say the happiness in a presidential candidate's marriage influences their vote. That sounds stupid enough, but lets look a little deeper.

Fifty-two percent of women said they thought Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth, had a happy marriage, while 43 percent viewed rival Democratic Sen. Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, as happy, the survey by the Ladies' Home Journal said.

Only 29 percent of women thought Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton and her husband, former President Bill Clinton, were happy. Even fewer, 12 percent, thought New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson and his wife, Barbara, were happy.

Where are these voters getting the insight for determining the happiness in Bill Richardson's marriage? I couldn't spot his wife in a lineup, but random dumb asses polled for Ladies Homes Journal guess the Richardson's marriage to be the most unhappy of the bunch?

I can kind of understand people guessing at the happiness levels in the Edwards and Clinton marriages. They've been publicly observable couples for some time. But, even then, can't the Clinton's have happiness in the amount of power they've wielded thanks to each other?

Bullshit polls like these have no business influencing the public.

Labels: politics

Politicians are a bunch of whiny, tattletales.

They waste their/our time voting to condemn ads and write letters complaining about Rush Limbaugh.

Don't you have some laws to write? Wars to fix? Halloween costumes to make resemble White House reporter Helen Thomas? Go do something.

Labels: politics

(2:39) Soon-to-be-former Senator Larry Craig takes to the pod-o-verse to address claims on his sexuality.

Labels: Larry Craig Podcast, podcasts, politics

Thanks to Larry Craig, law-abiding visitors to public restrooms can no longer sit upon the toilet with a wide stance.

The senator then tapped his right foot, "a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct," Karsnia wrote, and Craig ran his left hand several times underneath the partition dividing the stalls.

The officer then showed his police identification under the divider and pointed toward the exit "at which time the defendant exclaimed `No!'" the complaint said.

When the police interviewed him later, the senator said that "he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom" and that was why his foot may have touched the officer's, the report said.

Labels: politics, RIP, toilet

If you haven't heard yet, you're not supposed to go to work, shop or go to school on September 11th, so that the government can know how uncool everyone thinks everything is right now. Plus, that means no one will buy gas, and we'll all be able to get it for 99 cents a gallon again. Internet forever!

Labels: politics, random nonsense

I'm writing this as Donald is giving his Landon Lecture at K-State.


Ever wonder why we applaud people for not getting divorced or for being alive to be married for a certain number of years? Why is that?

Applauding Rumsfeld's marriage skills.


Obviously, this speech came at an odd time, what with his being fired Wednesday. Rummy's doing a good job in this appearance so far. He's usually pretty entertaining to watch, and you do feel a little bad for him.

Rums describes how good he did publicizing this speech.


Rummy seems to be having a hard time hearing/understanding the questions from the audience so far.

Listen to this mass confusion.


If you remember, when Bush was in town, someone asked if he'd seen Brokeback Mountain.

Listen to this guy fall flat on his face trying to reference that moment.


Uh oh, the Chinese language instructor has two questions she'll struggle to get through.

Boring question #1

Boring and really ridiculous question #2


Okay, now something weird has happened. Right toward the end of his speech, the video goes to some reporter outside Bramlage. She's standing there, obviously not knowing she's live.

Here's the mic check.

Now, the camera is just staring at her for another silent minute.

Now she's talking to some K-State student who "saw the speech." Wait a minute, I'm watching the speech live, and I get cut off by a close-up of this reporter who's talking to some student who "saw the speech." The speech is still obviously going on, and this student's remarks couldn't be any more generic. Scandal on "Kansas NOW 22!"

Take a listen

Labels: politics, show notebook