Leo (July 23 – August 22) Put your determination on display. Yeah, just keep sitting there with your Pringles can on the Polydent-stained coach you got from your grandpa. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Let the rational reenter your life as you restore organization to some parts that have gone topsy-turvy. A little chaos…
Donald Trump continues to amuse over Rosie. She called him a pimp on her blog, and he responded. “Rosie got mentally beaten up by me, because she’s a mental midget, a lowlife. I think she’s got a death wish. It’s too bad a degenerate is able to get away with things like that.” Did he…
Lots of random fun stuff from today’s show. “Fish in your business” The Song (0:34). “Fish in your business” The Explanation (2:17). Is Mike Myers gay? (0:47). Knight Rider is a logistical nightmare (3:54). The New Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (3:39). “Gotta love the marquee at Dara’s” (4:29). Resolving to win the Lottery for New…
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Now that you’ve pinpointed what you really want to do, you’ll be surprised at the influential person who steps forward to help you on your chosen path: a mummified Don Knotts. Cancer (June 22 – July 22) You need to shed whatever’s not working, mainly, your Diddy-line Raccoon Dog…
The Enquirer says O.J. Simpson’s addicted to painkillers. At least he’s over that whole addiction to slaughtering people phase. Jessica Simpson is in the midst of a meltdown so severe, Ashlee’s been called in to cheer her up. In Touch says Jessica’s depressed and even spent two days locked in her trailer on the set…
Andrew London joined me as our “guest fill-in co-host.” It’s quite the prestigious title. Think returning Christmas Gifts is awkward? How about returning a douche? (2:13) Check out this Trump-Rosie mind puzzler (0:34). We also talked about what a clever thinker Trump is (1:41). “I’ll be lit for Christmas” (0:52). Oprah and Stedman are living…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) You believe two heads are better than one, and the stars give you a chance to prove it. Well, YouTube has the Siamese twins video, too. You might try that first. Gemini (May 21 – June 21) A difference of opinion could turn into something fiery. Wear a condom.…
James Brown died. He kicked ass in Rocky IV. Apollo died in Rocky IV. Oprah and Stedman are now living together. No word on whether Gayle King will be forced out of the bed completely. Rosie O’Donnell is blogging about Donald Trump. Here’s a line for Trump to use: “I’m surprised they make a keyboard…
Today was Chris’ last day, and we stuck with our Free for All Friday mode to say goodbye. “A breakfast tribute to Chris Casey” (3:29). “A woman wants Chris’ help to get into the music biz” (2:37). “The Harry Potter Fan” fan (1:33) Longest Distance Listener Shua says goodbye (2:44). “I bonded this guy out…
Leo (July 23 – August 22) An unorthodox job opportunity could open up your possibilities for creative freedom. But remember, people just don’t tip as well for fecal art as they used to. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Relationships improve when you apply a good attitude to them. If you do, you’ll be able…
Britney Spears has been named “Most Controversial Celebrity of the Year” by CNN’s Showbiz Tonight. She won by a vagina hair, just edging out Mel Gibson. Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell are feuding and Barbara Walters is stuck in the middle. Ha. Amazingly, Rosie is acting more adult about it than Trump. My favorite part:…
Today, we spent some time looking over some of our favorite clips over the past year. Since Chris is leaving the show, we explained some of his bits a little more. You’ve heard some of these before, but not with the fun explanations from today’s show. “Stooks hungover after watching the Oscars” (4:11). For some…
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Take off in a brand-new direction. It’s time to show off your skills — including a few that people didn’t know you had. Just be sure no small children are around when you do it. That trick is illegal in most states and Puerto Rico. Just ask Screech. Cancer…
In Touch Weekly says Britney Spears has been calling Kevin Federline and taunting him about her makeout sessions with J.R. Rotem and about how little money K-Fed has. For Christmas, Paris Hilton gave Britney Spears a $500 purse to carry a dog in. Britney Spears got a hand tattoo of a star or something white…
I had it on good authority that Santa was listening to today’s show. We told our listeners to get their last minute Christmas items onto his list. Segment 1 – Role models (2:08) Segment 2 – A Wii for Mom (4:41) Segment 3 – Someone to do the laundry/Did you say “Happy Holidays?” (4:14) In…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Feel like someone’s put a second helping of anxiety on your plate and you didn’t even ask for the first? Maybe it’s time you speak up and say “can’t someone get some G D mashed potatoes up in here. Gemini (May 21 – June 21) Lately the tried-and-true just…
Britney’s going to burlesque clubs, by the way. Here’s an incident from the weekend: Britney, while smoking, got on stage, “gyrated for the crowd,” and showed off her bra. The club owner asked her to move out of the way. Then, she started drinking again. Paris Hilton is taking acting lessons in preparation for her…
Time’s running out, and some are freaking out about Christmas. Segment 1 (2:42) Segment 2 (2:25) Segment 3 (3:04) We had a lot of random stuff today. “Screw It” (0:39) “How to advertise (2:18) “The Questions of Life from a MySpace Bulletin” (0:30) “A Christmas Greeting from the staff of Stooks in the Morning” (0:30)…
Leo (July 23 – August 22) It’s time to pack up your troubles and get happy. Your luck has just taken a spectacular turn for the better. Now you can gleefully put away any lingering problems that have been on your mind for far too long. Go ahead, try on your grandma’s underwear. No one’s…
It seems that SNL has been pretty decent lately. I’ve only made it halfway through the Justin Timberlake episode from this weekend, but it’s been real solid. In fact, I think this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen them do. I have new respect for Timberlake.
Sad: Joe Barbera of Hanna-Barbera died at 95. They had tons of badass cartoons: Flintstones, Jetsons, Yogi, Scooby, Don Knotts, The Harlem Globetrotters, Sonny and Cher… Britney got booed off the jumbotron at the Laker game Sunday, and then left at halftime. Here’s a flattering shot someone got of the jumbotron: “This shot misses my…
First off, Meatspace has a new video for you. We played the audio for everyone today, but the video does make it slightly better. Steve Schnell called in with his “One week ’til Christmas ” Report (1:36). We heard about how I almost got our station into a rumble at our Christmas party Saturday (3:21).…
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) All the stars are on your side, so ride out these recent upheavals. They may not look pretty on the surface, but if you wait, you’ll see how they actually end up being beneficial. You could open up a diner with that much face grease. Cancer (June 22 –…
At last check, Lindsay Lohan still goes out every night but isn’t drinking. Britney Spears had a tough time getting her car to follow her commands the other night. While showing off her vagina, Britney-style, porn star Mary Carey says Britney stole an act she’s been doing for four years. Britney’s little makeout session with…
“I finally got a good email!” (1:50) “Chris is leaving?”/Women proposing (2:48). Did you say “everyone shares that sediment?” (3:18) Leave your smoker girlfriend alone (2:46). Stooks never moves on to bigger and better things (4:15).
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) If you’re seeking drama, you’re sure to find it. Wouldn’t it be easier to figure out what you need and ask for it? Your instinct may be to go into this with both barrels blazing, but will that garner real results? If you could only find out how O.J.…
Nicole Richie is still wearing a blanket around to make it harder to take her picture. It’s all good until every bone in her body collapses under the pressure. Doctors are weighing in on why Nicole might have taken Vicodin the night of her arrest. They say it could’ve been prescribed for her period. I…
Chris announced his departure from the show today. His last day will be Friday, December 22, when we break for Christmas. He’s headed to film school in Santa Barbara, California. One of ours callers warns him about parachuting in Hawaii. Don’t worry, we’re confused, too (2:43). The Key Grip (2:56). Why not be a fluffer?…
Leo (July 23 – August 22) The situation seems pretty cut-and-dried to you, so you can’t understand why someone else is all tied up with ambiguities and alternatives. Maybe it’s time to get them tied up with rope and duct tape and thrown in the closet, instead. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You’re positively…
Nicole Richie could have to spend five days in jail for her DUI. This is her second offense. During her 2002 arrest, she told cops she had only eaten French Fries, took a shot of vodka, and poof! She blew a .13. Cameras caught Paris Hilton’s with a powdery substance in her nose. “Would you…