Did you see Obama’s 3-pointer? Obama’s 3-point prowess has rendered him a useless candidate for me. His brilliant stroke heightens an already intense insecurity in my basketball skills. I guess it was only a matter of time until an Obama gaffe cost him my vote. He has lost the all important “Who would you like…
A year from now, one of my readers will enter financial ruin due to the current economic situation. That puts your chances at 50 percent.
Fareed Zakaria has a terribly named CNN show: “Fareed Zakaria GPS.” GPS supposedly stands for “Global Public Square,” but I can’t get past the standard meaning for “GPS.” At the very least, CNN should showcase Fareed’s penchant for maps, with a regular segment featuring lost drivers calling Fareed for directions, which he delivers turn-by-turn without…
Dear Insects of Summer, Yes, my skin is beautiful, delicious and a pleasure to suck on. But there’s not enough to go around for everybody. Lay off my shit for awhile. I’ll get you something nice. Promise. Matt
LA Times: With the Games due to start in less than three weeks, Beijing today cranked up anti-pollution measures by yanking cars off the roads, expanding mass transit and staggering work hours in a bid to meet its pledge of a “green” Olympics. Maybe we should just let China have every Olympics for now on. …
CNN: Sujit Bhattacharya knew he felt sluggish and had trouble putting on his socks and shoes. One day, when he tried on a pair of size 30 shorts, his wife pointed out that they fit only under his belly. We never learn his height, but his weight was 193 pounds. What kind of skinny waisted…
Al Gore tells Katie Couric he won’t be VP. Gore: I’ve imposed a personal term limit of two terms as VP. Couric: So absolutely nothing could get you to jump on board. Gore: I … Katie … Couric: This interview will come back to haunt you if you say it without … Gore: This interview…
I’ve been getting a decent amount of traffic from CNN.com on my post “Classified B.S.” CNN shows blogs linking to their articles. I love the idea. Anyhow, I got into a comment-fest with a new reader. I thought I’d share one of my replies on the front page. Jake, Thanks for discussing this. It’s a…
A friend sent me this line from his hotel. “They have amazing towels here. I ganked one of them.” I went on to explain that I’d never heard “ganked” before. He ridiculed me for a brutally late introduction to “gank.” From Google: Related phrases: gang/gank/gangbang Definitions of gank on the Web: Destroying another player’s…
The AP tries to clean up a quote. Jackson apologized last week after being caught saying on an open microphone that he wanted to castrate Obama for speaking down to blacks. The original quote, “I want to cut his nuts off” is far less offensive than the word “castrate” in this context. “I want to…
The Obama campaign doesn’t like The New Yorker’s new cover. The cover, published Sunday, shows Obama in the Oval Office dressed in traditional Muslim attire. His wife, Michelle, wears an Afro hairstyle and has a machine gun slung over her back. An American flag can be seen burning in the fireplace, and a picture of…
Here’s something that doesn’t make sense. The Transportation Security Administration rejected as a “myth” CNN’s report that less than 1 percent of the nation’s daily flights carry armed federal air marshals. Now the agency is conducting an investigation into who talked to CNN and who encouraged other agents to do the same. Spokesman Christopher White…
So, you decided to throw down some extreme coin to watch the Olympics in China. You look forward to scoping the scene and maybe enjoying some authentic Chinese cuisine. Then, the jerks go and take dog meat off the menu.
Good, if creepy, information to know. The “value of a statistical life” is $6.9 million, the Environmental Protection Agency reckoned in May — a drop of nearly $1 million from just five years ago. When drawing up regulations, government agencies put a value on human life and then weigh the costs versus the lifesaving benefits…
It was only a matter of time until jalapeños were added to Salmonella Watch: 2008. Fiery deuces abound.
Does anything stand out in this story? Besides the “cut his nuts off” part? The Rev. Jesse Jackson apologized Wednesday for “crude and hurtful” remarks he made about Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama after finishing an interview with a Fox News correspondent. The remarks came Sunday as Jackson was talking to a fellow interviewee,…
Americans are pretty stupid when it comes to money. Luckily, we have Ed McMahon teaching everyone to learn from his mistakes. “If you spend more money than you make, you know what happens. And it can happen. You know, a couple of divorces thrown in, a few things like that. And, you know, things happen.”…
In 2001, Tony Gonzalez collided with a sideline photographer. Thanks to the collission and trip to the hospital, the man found out he had a brain tumor. Tony saved his life. Last week, Tony Gonzalez performed the Heimlich maneuver on some dude at a restaurant, and saved his life, too. Gonzalez, sitting with his back…
I don’t like to attack my new products with a knife, but some companies leave me no choice. I bought a $17 Duracell battery charger (includes 4 AA rechargeables) at Walmart. It took me 15 minutes to get it out of the packaging. I sustained a superficial cut on the upper knuckle of my right…
KMBC 9 News did a robbery story last night. The police said the suspect was carrying “a man purse.” Congratulations man purse, you’ve made it a long way. Flashback: Man purse in the Sauna (5:50 mp3) Podcast: Download (2.7MB)
Some police departments encourage the teens to send in anonymous tips through text message. “If somebody hears Johnny is going to bring a gun to school, hopefully they’ll text that in,” said Sgt. Brian Bernardi of the Louisville, Ky., Metro Police Department, which rolled out its text-message tip line in June. Sgt. Bernardi went on…
Rush just signed an 8-year extension worth $38 million. If Obama wins the Presidency, Rush’s show will improve. If McCain wins, Rush will be stale. The same goes for all political talk shows, but Rush is the obvious leader. The media always has ratings and revenue at stake more than anything else. That’s why you…
Glenn Beck is a fear monger, but he knows how to communicate – to a certain crowd, of course. Considering the average amount of gas used per household, the rise has cost us approximately $1,690. With the average 42-inch plasma screen going for $975, just the extra cash you’ve forked over for gas in the…
From the article “Some Americans will drive trucks, no matter cost“: Seven women pile out of a massive white Chevrolet Suburban and unload the vacuums, mops and buckets of their trade. Gasoline may cost $4 a gallon, but the Chevy’s driver and business owner Leesa Baldwin has no intention of downsizing to a smaller vehicle.…
I knew this Barack Obama sensation seemed too easy: Dennis Haysbert likes to believe his portrayal as the first African-American U.S. president on Fox’s “24” may have helped pave the way for Barack Obama. “If anything, my portrayal of David Palmer, I think, may have helped open the eyes of the American people,” said the…
Chimp on a rampage (ooh ah): A 42-year-old chimpanzee who is toilet-trained and can eat with a knife and fork is believed to be at large in a Southern California forest after escaping his cage. We shall call him “Cutlery Toilet Monkey.” How come we’re so impressed that an animal that could easily outlast us…
Here’s a random question: Did the other networks get express written consent from CBS and the NFL before replaying Janet Jackson’s nipple?
A tipping point? A French court ordered eBay to pay more than $61 million to a high-end fashion company Monday because counterfeit goods were sold on the auction site. eBay hasn’t had good press in years. Buyers get ripped off constantly and are finding better alternatives. Craigslist is mainstream, believe it or not. I’m shocked…
If you haven’t done it, mix one part lemonade with one part iced tea. The Arnold Palmer. Delicious. I haven’t tried it with vodka yet, but it’s on the to-do list. Wikipedia: There are five alcoholic variations. The first, known as the “Tom Arnold“, consists of the original iced-tea/lemonade mixture, with vodka added. Another variation,…
George Will thinks our immigration policy keeps good people out of the United States. Two-thirds of doctoral candidates in science and engineering in U.S. universities are foreign-born. But only 140,000 employment-based green cards are available annually, and 1 million educated professionals are waiting — often five or more years — for cards. Congress could quickly…