Capricorn Sometimes resting is its own form of exercise. Initially you may scoff at that, but learning how to truly relax and shrug off the everyday burdens of tension is an art: an art well-suited to your meticulous dismembering technique. Gemini Learn to admit when you made a mistake. Next, go to the parties who…
That photographer who says he’s the real baby daddy has filed a paternity suit against Anna Nicole Smith. She will have to return to California for the test. He’s worried about the “health and safety of the child” in the company of Anna Nicole. “Like my baby?” Katie Couric has fallen all the way to…
I’ve decided to start paying extra and drop my laundry off at the laundromat so I don’t have to deal with it. One of my concerns is some greazy guy with a bad stash smelling my undies. In fact, I don’t want any man doing my laundry. Any man who does other people’s laundry for…
Leo Variety spices up your life if you let it. Just make sure you have some Pepto-Bismol handy. Sagittarius One of your greatest gifts is your ability to believe: in yourself, in possibility and, most of all, in UFOs. The stars just love your tinfoil spaceman suit you devised to greet the visitors. Taurus A…
Paris Hilton’s ass was hanging out at a release party for Janet Jackson’s new CD. “Top that, Lohan!” Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, is dating Lance Armstrong. He’s also been linked to Paris Hilton. Honestly, who hasn’t slept with her, yet? George Clooney plans to trick the paparazzi by dating a different actress each night. Trick…
This weekend, I missed a key opportunity for some good video when some jugglers from K-State took a pen out of my mouth as I stood between them while they juggled. Vowing to never let this happen again, I headed to Target to find a good bag for my camcorder. When I was checking out,…
Aquarius No one, but no one can bring the wacky the way you can. Except you know that your ideas are far from wacky — it’s just that everyone else is so hopelessly boring! I mean, come on, who wouldn’t appreciate a sweater woven from 100% American back hair. Cancer The inner worth of a…
Dustin Diamond says he isn’t involved with the release of his Dirty Sanchez technique to the world. He says he and his friends make sex tapes and they try to keep one-upping each other. The gambling site BetUS.com is in the lead to own the rights and distribute the tape, at a rumored cost of…