Questionable jobs abound on craigslist, but you really have to appreciate scammers like this: TELL YOU WHAT WE DON’T DO No lotions, potions, vitamins, or discount Viagra… No leads to buy… No inventory to get stuck with… No friends and family to hit on… Just the best company, products in the industry… Come see how…
Well, a bunch of scientists decided to go read some Neanderthal DNA, and totally ruin all our fun. Neanderthals, an archaic human species that dominated Europe until the arrival of modern humans some 45,000 years ago, possessed a critical gene known to underlie speech, according to DNA evidence retrieved from two individuals excavated from El…
Chris Casey called the Skype line yesterday and we caught a little magic for a podcast. In eight-and-a-half minutes, we covered topics including: old people, having a heart attack vs crapping yourself, Matt Lauer, the government, and Britney’s vagina reappearing. After you’re done listening to that, enjoy 20 seconds of brilliance in Chris’ “Manu Ginobili:…
I went to Tomfooleries for happy hour last night. The food was great, the drink specials were on target, but the bathroom situation was a little disconcerting. We sat in the fairly new upstairs area, which probably seats about 100 people, maybe more. One unisex toilet was in place to serve this area. The unisex…
I just got done watching Matt Lauer interview Larry Craig. I don’t think Larry really won too many points with the interview, but he didn’t really hurt his case either. Matt tried to put his “I’m a legitimate newsman” face on, but it just didn’t take. You could tell he was trying to catch Larry…
Big news: Hardee’s is still in business. Every couple of years, Hardee’s introduces a filthy food item to generate some press coverage and remind the world (or the part of the world that isn’t Carl’s Jr.) that they still exist. Hardee’s on Monday rolled out its new Country Breakfast Burrito — two egg omelets filled…
There are a number of ways people come to mattstooks.com. Most visitors have the site bookmarked, some come over from my MySpace, Facebook or YouTube pages. A few people come to the website through web search. Check out the breakdown of search strings that have brought people to the site this month. My personal favorites…
Do you ever pick your nose successfully, only to retrieve a bare finger from your nostril? Many times, the boog falls harmlessly to the ground. Other times, it sets up camp on your shirt. You just hope to death it isn’t hiding on your face somewhere. Pretty scary stuff, and it always happens when you…
Thanks to media portrayals of Kansas, I now hate The Wizard of Oz. I was watching the K-State-Colorado game this weekend, and the broadcast relied heavily on The Wizard of Oz for its “about town” footage. I would’ve preferred footage of Manhattan’s Applebees, that’s how much I’m sick of the Wiz. Apparently, we haven’t done…
I’ve seen this “Dancer Test” a couple different places over the last week, and thought I’d share it with you in case you missed it. You’re supposed to look at the dancer spinning. Some people see her turning clockwise, and others see her turning counterclockwise. How you interpret her supposedly tells whether you’re right-brained or…
Today is Blog Action Day, where bloggers unite to spread the word on the environment. This is my contribution. If you believe extraterrestrial beings visit the Earth with any regularity, you bear more of the responsibility for keeping the planet clean. The Earth is your home. If you have people coming over to your house,…
The only thing worse than hearing Mitch Holthus call Larry Johnson “The Centaur” is KC Star sports hack Jeffrey Flanagan quoting Mitch calling Larry “The Centaur.” Every Monday, Flanaboner will print sound bytes from the Chiefs’ TV and radio broadcasts. Today’s was especially annoying. “And he got his centaur tail up the field.” | Holthus,…
If you have some lead-infused Chinese toys lying around the house, I’m thinking we should all get together and have another “Lick and paint with Bob Ross” party. I’ve got some G.I. Joes in my parents’ basement that will get me and at least five other people completely Schiavo-faced. First come, first served. Call dibs…
Wow, Dane Cook backlash is in full force. I appreciated Dane Cook’s humor for a couple of hours once. Then, it looked like he ripped off material, did a movie with Jessica Simpson, and cut some horrifyingly bad promos for the Major League Baseball Playoffs. Farewell, Dane. We hardly knew ye.
Get ready to hear plenty about this “Democrats need vaccinations before going to NASCAR events” story. In an e-mail, a staffer who works for committee chairman Rep. Bennie Thompson, D-Miss., noted an “unusual need for whomever attending to be vaccinated against hepatitis A and B,” as well as “the more normal things — tetanus, diphtheria,…
I went to Chipotle for lunch. I left annoyed. It wasn’t busy, so we walked right up to the burrito-press lady. This particular Chipotle employs more natives than most. Today, all the workers at the counter were speaking Spanish. The four customers in front of us were speaking Spanish, too, and were really chatting it…
A third of U.S. women say the happiness in a presidential candidate’s marriage influences their vote. That sounds stupid enough, but lets look a little deeper. Fifty-two percent of women said they thought Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth, had a happy marriage, while 43 percent viewed rival Democratic Sen. Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle,…
Last weekend, I hit up El Mezcal in Lawrence for Mexican and margaritas with some former coworkers. I ordered my Burrito Gigante with “no beans.” John questioned my line of thinking, forcing me to reply “I hate beans.” With a look of shock on his face, he quietly indicated that proclaiming your hate for beans…
All the talk about Myanmar has me thinking about an old Seinfeld episode. Most articles about the current situation in Myanmar also refer to the country as Burma. Seinfeld tackled this more than ten years ago in “The Foundation,” originally airing on September 19th, 1996. If we haven’t figured out what to call it since…
Check out this candy corn’s striking resemblance to Gary Shandling.
I walked into the Target electronics department just in time to hear the helmet-haired woman behind the glass counter drop something brilliant to a coworker: “He’s one of those guys. He’s a bad boy. But when you break him in, he’s the sweetest guy ever.” I’m assuming this girl is talking about her boyfriend. He’s…
From USA Today’s article on transplanting hair from dead people: Some may think such a move — to don the hair of a cadaver — would be extreme, but nobody should underestimate the determination of balding people to reverse the scourge of a receding hairline. Spending on hair-restoration surgeries in 2006 topped $1.2 billion worldwide,…
I’m quite happy the Yankees lost. I just wish Cleveland would’ve swept them. I don’t think I’d hate the Yankees nearly as much if there weren’t so many Yankees fans in Kansas City. I haven’t met too many New Yorkers in the metro, yet the number of Yankees fans at Royals games never fails to…
From Craig’s List (bold mine): Get paid way better money plus get FREE Lottery tickets just for doing a good job. Our job is very simple but actually pays really good! Culligan Water is looking for 2 more people to help us do surveys. Its really simple and we are not selling anything. We simple…
From Men’s Health on the topic of “grinding”: Dr. Jonathan Huber, M.D., of Queen’s University College in Kingston, Ontario, found that about three in 10 women think it’s okay. Good luck finding those three. Men’s Health‘s own spot survey of attractive, intelligent women found near-universal disgust with the move. Whoa, hold on, Men’s Health. Your…
I love weight loss advertising. Lose nine pounds every 11 days, and show off the meticulously sculpted muscles hiding beneath years of Double Stuf Oreos and Maury consumption.
I just got back from the bank. It was the one time in years that I needed to talk face-to-face with a banking official. It was a dead end, as today is Christopher Columbus Day. Private banks close on Columbus Day for reasons the public can never know. I’m thinking about joining the Columbus Day…
Pimp Everything’s going to be alright. Three days after his admission to a Dallas hospital and one day after undergoing “lifesaving surgery” to treat a pulmonary embolism, Isaac Hanson was back home Friday and is expected back on the road as early as Monday. Unfortunately, Hanson missed a show at the Beaumont Club in Kansas…
Today’s Chiefs game isn’t in high definition. Unacceptable. Channel 9’s local news broadcasts in high definition, and you’re telling me CBS doesn’t have enough high-def equipment to cover all their NFL games? They pay $622.5 million per year for NFL rights, and full-HD coverage puts them in the red? WTF? This pisses off and confounds…
Bonus: Mangino gets his boob tweaked.