Santa called in today, and shared some of his secrets. Enjoy.
Matt Stooks.com
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Yearly Archives 2005
The Bogeyman
Why is it spelled that way? And the alternate spellings are no better: The bogeyman, also boogeyman, boogyman, or bogyman, is a ghost-like monster that children often believe is real. “Boogieman” is more like it. And children “often” believe he is real? Isn’t that saying the majority of children think he’s real? As Stossel would [...]
Hate Mail Part II
First off, here’s the phone call that prompted the angry Email. We were talking about the occupations that annoy the normal folk. Car salesmen, telemarketers, etc. were on some recent study of the most unethical jobs when a caller said Jehova’s Witnesses should be added to the list. I got another Email today. Subject: you [...]
Hate Mail
What could I have said to prompt the following email? Did I really imply a Hitler-esque elimination of an entire religious group? I’ll have the audio here tomorrow. In the meantime, do your own grammar check, and then we’ll share notes. Subject: d.j’s suckTo: mattstooks@mattstooks.com My brother and I listen to all you dumb ass [...]
Thoughts for today
Don’t go to the bathroom immediately after coming in from the cold. Things are a little harder to get a hold of, and when you finally do, the fingers feel especially chilly. People who back into their parking space at work are setting the stage to get out of there as fast as they can, [...]
Too late for Latino Heat
The WWE, formerly known as the WWF, is going to start testing wrestlers for drugs and steroids after Eddie “Latino Heat” Guerrero died a few weeks ago. They didn’t find drugs in his system, but he used to dance with the white lady a couple years back.That may solve one problem. But looking at the [...]
Help?
I’ve sucked at updating the website lately. And the longer I go between posts, the more pressure I feel to come back with a good one to make up for it. I liken it to what Luke Perry must think when he looks over scripts for possible Lifetime original movie roles, looking for the one [...]
Holiday Cheer
I’m full of it. Holiday cheer, that is. Okay, I’m full of something else, too. Our sister station, Q103.5, is going 24-hour Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving.I I got the privelege of putting the thing together, which involves staring at several computer screens for eight hours a day and sifting through 800 Christmas songs, [...]
Justin Carson’s World Famous Cheese Dip
Disclaimer: The above photo does not include Justin Carson or Matt Stooks. No way in the world either one of us want to be confused with the douche in red. 1 can cream of chicken soup, ½ Cup sour cream, ¾ Cup On The Border salsa, 2 Cups Colby or Jack cheese, shredded. Mix together [...]
The High Lady and her friends
The other day on Oprah, Kirstie Alley said “If you’re 45 and you’ve never been married, you’re a perv.” So we debated it on the show. This morning, the High Lady called in with some of her friends. She was quite clever and high. Check it out. ***UPDATE*** The High Lady and her friends called [...]
Federline Shakur
This guy’s pathetic. Is the hat in that picture supposed to imply that he is a fan of all of Major League Baseball instead of just one team? I’ve been meaning to add this for the last week, but here’s that clip of Kevin Federline rapping for his next CD. Supposedly, his producer leaked the [...]
Return of the High Lady
A while back, we did a bit on people who you want to ask “are you high?” Then, like clockwork, we got a high caller. You can relive that moment at this post. Then, we started talking about my friend Chris (you can check out his hilarious site here) and how the dog he started [...]
Housecleaning
Okay, so you have one friend over. You don’t bother to pick anything up around the house. If you’re good enough friends for them to come over solo, then you’re comfortable leaving your house the way you usually do: messy. Now, you have twenty friends over. You clean the place up a little. That’s this [...]
I’m no Randy Jackson
Justin, Intern Val, and myself had to, I mean, got to judge a kids Halloween costume contest last night.After denying 100 five-and-under-year-olds any recognition for their adorable attire, I realized that even I would have trouble dogging on Scott Savol during his horrifying stint on American Idol. Click here to see my thoughts on Scott [...]
A brilliant idea
ABC is developing America’s Next Muppet. It will be American Idol and America’s Next Top Model combined…but ten times better.I don’t really need to argue with anyone on why The Muppets need to come back to TV. But I do want to argue for my muppet idea: Kermit’s older, alcoholic, politically conscious half-brother, Steve (couldn’t [...]
I’m a Cosmo Boy!
Nothing keeps my femininity in check like reading a Cosmo. We were checking out their web page during the show, and stumbled on a tip that said men don’t like women who make the first move. Baloney. I forecast a zero possibility of a guy turning down a girl who makes the first move. Well, [...]
Hector EliZODo
I’m watching Superman II over at my friend Kevin’s house. We’ve come to a shocking conclusion! Hector Elizondo must’ve traveled back in time to be play the role of General Zod!
No they did’en’ (didn’t)
Hopefully you get that headline joke. I was quite conflicted on whether to include the parentheses explanation. But I think I made the right decision. Tonight on The Apprentice, a bunch of dorky white guys got to sing/rap/amuse me for a lifetime with Wyclef Jean as their reward for winning the challenge. It sounded ten [...]
That’s how I roll
Has anyone else noticed the explosion in popularity of this term? Everyone’s saying it. I caught myself almost saying it once. “That how I … uh … function” is how it ended up coming out. I don’t want to be a bandwagon “that’s how I roll” abuser. But you have to have something to substitute [...]
I can be clever!
I’m heading to K.C. in a couple hours. I was talking to my friend, Kevin, yesterday and told him Chris (theprewitt.com) and I were going to get together and hang out in the afternoon. “Well, the K-State game’s on, so I have to watch that. It starts at 11,” is a reasonable excuse from Kevin. [...]
