Poor Baby Jesus. First, he gets gold, a gift his non-materialistic world view could never appreciate. Then, he gets frankincense and myrrh, incenses he would only be able to appreciate in his later, hippie years. Finally, he gets bombarded with a surely horrifying, erratic drum performance from the Little Drummer Boy. Last I checked, a pounding drum doesn't exactly provide a soothing soundtrack for a newborn baby or his parents.

And how delusional is the Little Drummer Boy? Just look at the final lyrics of his song.

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

He's smiling because you stopped the incessant flailing of your limbs at your cheap drum, Little Drummer Boy. Shame on you. You're lucky Jesus is pretty laid back.

Labels: christmas, holidays, music

Check out the top items in Google Trends for 10 pm Thursday. They're all for lyrics. It's quite the variety, too. I didn't realize "Green Acres" was such a great sing-a-long song.

1. green acres lyrics
2. soul man lyrics
3. should i stay or should i go lyrics
4. taking care of business lyrics
5. if i could turn back time lyrics

Labels: internet, music, trends

Mike Huckabee keeps trying to trick everyone into thinking he's the Republican, less orally pleased Bill Clinton. He'll really be pushing it once he starts playing guitar on the modern day version of Arsenio Hall (Ellen?).

Labels: media, music, politics

Gene Simmons shares his insight on the music industry.

There is nothing in me that wants to go in there and do new music. How are you going to deliver it? How are you going to get paid for it if people can just get it for free?

The record industry doesn't have a f---ing clue how to make money. It's only their fault for letting foxes get into the henhouse and then wondering why there's no eggs or chickens. Every little college kid, every freshly-scrubbed little kid's face should have been sued off the face of the earth. They should have taken their houses and cars and nipped it right there in the beginning. Those kids are putting 100,000 to a million people out of work. How can you pick on them? They've got freckles. That's a crook. He may as well be wearing a bandit's mask.

Great, now a less talented version of Lars (see my take on Lars) is out blaming the Internet for inability to sell music, instead of blaming the natural decline of aging rock stars' abilities along with their ball sacks.

I remember when Napster was on fire, me and all my freckle-faced friends sat around downloading KISS until sunrise every weekend. Although, you couldn't see our frecklie faces behind our bandit's masks, which never smelled thanks to our constant state of freshly-scrubbed faciness.

Labels: dumbasses, internet, music

Have you ever read a quote from a famous person, and you can almost hear them saying it? They usually have to have a distinct voice. Michael Jackson has this power over me in this article about an article about the 25th anniversary of "Thriller."

Michael Jackson knows his reputation as a freak — but just ignores it. "I don't pay attention to that," the 49-year-old singer tells Ebony magazine. "In my opinion, it's ignorance. It's usually not based on fact. ... Every neighborhood has the guy who you don't see, so you gossip about him. You see those stories about him, there's the myth that he did this or he did that. People are crazy!"

I love quotes with exclamation points in them. How loud do you think Michael Jackson's voice got when he exclaimed "People are crazy!"? Do you suppose he jumped out of his chair? Were his arms aflutter? Did his wig fall off as his body quaked in exclaiming goodness? Seriously, I want to know how you can tell if Michael Jackson is exclaiming something. I don't think you can.

Labels: music

Everything's going to be alright.

Three days after his admission to a Dallas hospital and one day after undergoing "lifesaving surgery" to treat a pulmonary embolism, Isaac Hanson was back home Friday and is expected back on the road as early as Monday.

Unfortunately, Hanson missed a show at the Beaumont Club in Kansas City, as a result. No worries, Hanson Heads; they already rescheduled for November 12th. I just hope all the Heads can get out of jail in time for the show. Surely they tore Westport to pieces upon news of the cancellation.

Labels: music

Garth Brooks will do nine shows in Kansas City.

Parents, you have one month to convince your kids that Garth Brooks is way cooler than Hannah Montana. Start with an explanation of who Garth Brooks is.

Unfortunately, I'm indifferent to Garth. My Hannah Montana money stays in the piggy bank for now.

Labels: kansas city, music

(1:55 podcast) I'm getting annoyed by a certain part of Michael Jackson's "Black or White."

Labels: music, podcasts, wtf

I was perusing my Facebook today when I stumbled upon this:

Labels: music, random nonsense

USA Today's got me on a roll. Maybe I should just start an anti-USA Today blog. But, then I'd have to read more USA Today.

"Yet another music format is merging onto the infotainment superhighway, and it may help force the CD player down a one-way street to the eight-track landfill."

What is this absolute wonderment of infotaining, CD-slaying goodness? The MVI disc, of course. The "format poised to succeed the fading DVD-Audio and SACD." Yup, you heard right. Your precious DVD-Audio and SACD discs are approaching worthlessness.

MVI lets you get audio and video off the disc. It plays in DVD players (good), computers (even better), but not CD players (confusing and inconvenient).

Yes, the record labels are trying to invent new technologies to get you to buy ALL of Yung Joc's Hustlenomic$, not just choice selections like "I'm A G." Otherwise, Yung Joc won't be able to justify the dollar sign as an "s" in the title. Help a G out, will ya?

Idea: put more than three good songs on most albums, and people will buy them. For years, consumers were forced to buy an entire album just to enjoy the few good songs there. Labels milked it as long as they could, even to the point of forcing listeners to get music illegally in order to get it the way they wanted: digitally, and per song (free helped). Find a way to move your content online, because the audience you're trying to capture with this new format lives online. As of this writing, there's not even a Wikipedia entry for MVI.

Labels: media, music, usa today