I have a sore throat today. So I’ve decided to blame everyone I work with. We have three people who refill their Dasani-style water bottles straight from the water cooler nozzle. The openings on these bottles is barely large enough to accomodate the nossle. This means their germy mouth goo gets on the nozzle. They…
Or digital audio recorder was on the fritz today, so no new clips. We had a good “Yogurt Chat with Chip Rimaldi”…but no proof it ever happened. However, if you haven’t stopped by my MySpace page, give it a shot. There is a clip generator on the page that will remind you of some classic…
For some reason, a college co-ed asked us for love advice this morning. And an old woman was very confused about our phone number and what year it was. “Pa says if I take my helmet off, the spirit of Pat Sajak will devour my eye sockets.” Today’s Daily Quote of the Day for Today:…
Paying too much at the pump? Inspired by posts at theprewitt.com, we pleaded with our audience to get creative and come up with some ways to save on gas. They did okay (Segment 1 here) (Segment 2 here), but our best advice came from Louie Anderson. And even Swedish Schoolboy Hansel is feeling the pains…
I gave in and joined MySpace yesterday. I can already tell that it will own my soul. I’m desperate for friends, by the way. So join me at myspace.com/mattstooks. We took to the air with this, and got some interesting feedback: MySpace is at least related to the Devil on some level. Segment 1 has…
Once again, someone called our show looking for “Swap Shop.” We made an exception and let him share his items. Discussion on last night’s American Idol led to a frightening Patrick Swayze reach-a-round reference. “Swayze, hands off my clay phallus.” Today’s Daily Quote of the Day for Today: “Abdul’s ‘dumb’ is chemically induced.” – Chris…
Yogurt is pretty good. But, unlike my co-host, I refuse to eat more than one yogurt in a row. GoGurt is a fun yogurt treat. As you can see, they cleverly use a see-through package for different games and light sabers and such. “Now that I have my weapon, time to murder Jar Jar Binks…right…
Check out this horrifying coverage of last week’s Trike-A-Thon. Then, check out me getting all sorts of up in their grill over this excerpt: The Riley County Fire Department came in first place at the event with their makeshift tricycle, which was adorned with a light, an American flag and a horn. Ironically, the light…
Earth Day is tomorrow. To celebrate, we had an Earth Day Tip. We had another Earth Day Tip. And we had one glorious grand finale of an Earth Day Tip. Without Earth Day, the oceans will boil the dolphins, and birds will develop a blue, log-like apparatus…and Chinese writing will appear in the corners of…
UPDATE!!! Almost forgot to put a call from the High Lady that we got after the show. She’s also the quote of the day at the bottom of this post. Which are the real Blanche and Dorothy? You decide. And a stoner called in to celebrate 4/20. But the biggest item of the day is…
Ever see something horrifying in someone’s trashcan? How about soiled toilet paper? We tried to figure out this phenomenon. “I pilot the aircraft with my mind…then I die of cancer or something.” Here’s a frightening bit Chris Casey put together, called “Stooks Quest V.” Baby Cruise-Holmes was born yesterday. We caught the action as Katie…
In an unbelievable Stooks Scoop, we find out about a new Michael Jackson molestation fan, and we find out “What’s Tom Cruise going to feast on after Katie Holmes craps out a kid?” If only Spielberg could harvest children… With Cheney coming to town, the Iraqi Woman wanted to score tickets. And we scored an…
Dick Cheney is coming to Fort Riley tomorrow. To celebrate, here’s another edition of “Dick Cheney Says.” The High Lady called after the show ended. She gave us some online-only thoughts on Easter and Dick Cheney coming to town. “If my daugther weren’t lesbian, this would be her size of preference.” Today’s Daily Quote of…
We had our special Easter edition of the show today. Adam, the singing telegrammer, called in with an Easter song. Dick Cheney had hunting tips for Easter. Barry Bonds has a new product, just in time for Easter! And here’s an online only, behind-the-scenes feature of us creating this odd bit. Sweedish schoolboy Hansel joined…
Worried about the mumps this Easter Season? The Stoner has a conspiracy theory for you. It’s supposed to be hot Easter Sunday, the mumps are going around, and the kids are already too violent over the whole Easter Egg ordeal. Luckily, we find out “How would Jesus hunt?” “Now I can get chicks for sure!”…
My co-host, Chris Casey, can’t turn away telemarketers. This resulted in him paying $20 for a concert that he won’t attend to benefit the Kansas Highway Patrol. Luckily, one of our Fox 4 “Problem Solvers” viewers alerted us that this was a scam. These three women have one problem: John Holt’s intense libido. Believe it…
I went to Wal-Mart yesterday, got out of my car, stepped in gum, shopped, and stepped in the same gum. Ridiculous. So we started talking this morning about things that are more annoying than stepping in gum. In this segment, a girl hates flip flops that break and a guy hates pedestrians. Here’s a lady…
I got stuck behind a Wedgie Picker while running in City Park (home of Johnny Kaw) yesterday. Classic calls ensued for this conversation. First, we talked about using tongs to de-wedgie. Then, we worried about Wedgie Watchers leering from afar. Finally, a caller solved all of our problems with the “sympathy wedgie.” We also had…
AKA “Peter Gallagher and old men.” Here is an old man. Here is another. Our movie skeptic called in to complain about Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead again. Finally, The O.C. has been sucking to the extreme in the last couple of years. I opted for American Inventor over The O.C. last night. So,…
Pretty good show today. I didn’t have to vomit afterward like I normally do. This guy thinks Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead is a logistical nightmare. We were talking about how much a ripoff those joke text message services are. 99 cents a joke. This bit contains a woman who says self-help books on…
If you’ve ever ordered at a Mexican restaurant in Spanish, you need to listen to our discussion from this morning to find out why you’re in the wrong. Many toucans were harmed in the making of this poncho. We also played a little game called “What’s Tom Cruise going to put in Katie Holmes’ mouth…
I had a good time over our break in Denver, including a tour of the Coors facility. Our tour guide has been giving the same tour 5-6 times a day for 12 years. This got us talking about incredibly boring jobs, ending in a call from a man who does a horrifying impression of a…
We’re taking a couple of shows off. We will return Tuesday, April 4th. Until then, we’ll be in clip show or “Least Worst of Stooks in the Morning” mode. And we have hella clips for you to enjoy from todays show. First off, the solution to the crunchy vs. creamy peanut butter debate. “Ohhhhh. Mister…
Here’s the inaugural edition of “Dick Cheney Says.” Can you buy a dog just for the purpose of “picking up at the park.” The Stoner is too scared to even try. The Iraqi Woman has discovered MySpace, and has some disturbing news to share. And here’s what it’s like to find out when you are…
BONUS CLIP: Me and Hasselhoff. A girl won our “for fun and laughs” only office pool. This guy called in to say he never gets any good brackets. And this guy tried to sell us a gross of Girl Scout uniforms. “They never found the Girl Scouts’ remains.”
Lots of stuff today. Huggies laid the smack down on some ESPN guy yesterday for saying mean things about Manhattan. We talked to the ESPN dude today. He was quite apologetic. Yesterday, Kansas overruled Emperor Sebelius’ attempt to keep us from carrying our guns around. Chris and I shot off weapons in the studio to…
Congrats to K-State for getting Bob Huggins as its next basketball coach. But he’ll have to adjust to the different lifestyle Manhattan has from Cincinnati. So some of our callers, including Johnny Kaw, called in to let him know the many benefits the state of Kansas has to offer. The German Woman also called in…
The Evil Emperor of Kansas Kathleen Sebelius vetoed a concealed guns bill yesterday. We talked about how angry this made us.Then, a gun enthusiast called the show in a rage. “Has anyone seen my rifle?”
The show was kinda lame today, so all we have is a funny old man that will only take about 15 seconds of your time. And here’s another. The Old Man of North America is known to remove gnats from other aging primates.
It’s snowing. On Spring Break. So whoever stayed behind got hosed. But keep that chin up, buckaroo! We got some good tips for a snowy Spring Break, including making love in igloos and riding people’s blind spots during the wintry mix. We also have tips on how to make a snowman. It reminded me of…