I can’t figure out if I’m required to do this or not, but I always get suckered into it. I bet if I get an Extra-Long Cheese Coney with Jalepeños, my stomach and other digestive organs would convince me to stay away completely. By the way, if you want to know how you can type…
Once The Contender fails, Sly might still have a job. Someone has made a script for Rambo 4. That’s good news, I was starting to worry about Sly. About a year ago, a script for Rocky VI got shot down. Guess Sly didn’t feel too much like making love to Tommy Morrison this time around.
In celebration of Paula Abdul being inebriated on American Idol, here’s a fun new drinking game for the show. I came across a drinking game for the show already, but it was a piece of garbage like “every time one of the contestants is a female, drink.” So here’s one that makes you pay attention…
Paula Abdul was wasted on last night’s American Idol. Check out this “Paula Abdul gets more wasted as the night goes on” montage I put together. Tell me she’s not canned off her “straight up now pour me another Captain and Coke” behind.
One sausage patty, two eggs, two American cheese slices and three strips of bacon. On a bun. It’s the new Enormous Omelet Sandwich at Burger King. This is probably the filthiest breakfast sandwich of all time. 730 calories. I’m gonna go into Burger King and say, “Can I get the Emormous Omelet Sandwich, but can…
Michael Jackson was on Jesse Jackson’s radio show last night. I know. Pretty much anyone can get a radio show. Michael had some interesting things to say. He says he’s a warrior in one clip. In the next clip, he says he’s very fragile. Good to see he still has that dual-identity thing still working…
So, this morning we were taking calls on “most messed up Easter experience.” Then we get a call from a kid who says his most messed up Easter experience may happen this weekend. Take a listen and let me know how you think I handled the situation.
FHM has released its 100 Sexiest Women in the World list.Angelina Jolie is number one. Billy Bob is number two. As in a pile of ____. And his pure association with Angelina should eliminate her from the list completely. Yeah, she’s hot. But she’s less sexy by association. Alyssa Milano is number six. Where’s Mona…
They had to basically repackage Tuesday night’s episode to play again for last night because one of the morons who does graphics for the show put three wrong phone numbers up for the voting process. They were probably too busy planning a readjustment of one of Seacrest’s strands of hair to pay attention to the…
Mischa Barton, a.k.a. bi-curious Marissa from The O.C. is officially a superstar. Someone used a 20-foot long lens to get some topless photos of her sunbathing. Because this is a family website (loose definition) you won’t find the pictures here. Besides, you should be able to google good enough to find them yourself if you’re…
I hit the snooze alarm for a half hour straight every morning when I get up. It’s part of my wakeup routine, and it can give you some funky dreams some times, so I don’t mind the process. But there is a new invention for people who hit the snooze. Check out “Clocky.” Yeah, it’s…
Who would’ve thought Pat O’Brien would have a dirtier mouth than Bill O’Reilly. It’s like I always say, never trust a man with a moustache, you can never tell what he’s thinking. This chick says he left numerous messages on her machine. Here’s one for your enjoyment. If you hadn’t heard, he’s also checked into…
Mistro asked about Jake in Progress, the new ABC show starring former Full House lady-killer John Stamos. The show is terrible. Poor Stamos. First his marriage falls apart, then his career. Interesting fact: Stamos answers the phone “talk to me” on Jake. Sound familiar? That is the same way he answered it on Full House.…
A guy who was a painter for David Letterman has been arrested for plotting to kidnap his son and hold him for $5 million ransom. He was also planning to kidnap the kid’s nanny, so he could have someone take care of him until the ransom was paid. I’m telling you, you can never tell…
Robert Blake as been acquitted of murdering his wife in 2001. The jury deliberated for nine days.But his wife’s daughter could still win a suit in civil court for wrongful death. Michael Jackson’s porn collection was shown to the jury yesterday. His collection includes Penthouse, Barely Legal and Teenage. So the only thing he has…
The prosecution says Michael Jackson and his accuser sat on his bed and watched Aaron Carter videos. We’ve reached a new level of sickening.
Mattstooks.com is the only radio show in the world that never sleeps. This is the interactive arm of The Matt Stooks Show, heard live from 5-9 every morning, Monday through Friday on The Big Kat 97-5, Junction City-Manhattan, Kansas. Enjoy the show, enjoy the site and I hope to hear from you on both. Matt…
At the end of every beer commercial, they say “Drink (insert name of beverage) responsibly.” Unless you’re Guinness. Then, you have a commercial where three guys wake up as if it were Christmas Day. They sprint down the stairs wearing their St. Pat’s garb and open up their presents, which happen to be cases upon…
Not quite Muppet style, but probably as close as I’ll come. I’ve moved to Manhattan, KS, USA. “How could you leave a place like Lawrence for Manhattan?!!!,” my silly friend Tony would ask. You see there is this weird thing that if you went to KU, you can’t ever live in Manhattan. And if you…
Goodcents smells good. Body Odor smells bad. They both smell exactly the same. What’s up with that? What’s the difference between barbecue, barbeque, Bar-B-Q and BBQ? Casseroll has to be the most disgusting name for a food. Apparently everyone but me eats it. Do you think a barber has ever slipped on a banana peel…
Sorry for the delay in posts. I just got my new computer up and running at an undisclosed location west of Topeka. Since I’m in transition to my new home, I don’t have a giant selection in my refrigerator. In fact, I have one generic carton of orange juice in the fridge. That’s all. Luckily,…
LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) – “Dawson’s Creek” star James Van Der Beek is returning to television with a lead role in the CBS comedy pilot “Three.” Van Der Beek will play one-half of a newly married couple. Zachary Levi of ABC’s “Less Than Perfect” was previously cast as their recently divorced friend. Van Der Beek’s…
I’m happy to announce that I have a deal to get the show back on the air in a new city. We’re going to have a lot of fun, and I hope you can check it out sometime. It will be close by, but a little out of reach for some of you. Look for…
“Yippee ky yay, Mister Falcoln.” -Bruce Willis in the edited for TV version of Die Hard 2. When did the networks or the studios or whoever makes that decision, decide to try to force different words into actors mouthes instead of bleeping out obscenities? I miss the days when you would hear bleeps all over…
“Did you see Leno last night?” “No.” “Me neither. Leno sucks” Can we please wait until Rosie O’Donnell is revelant again before we continue to attach every fat joke to her name? Ruben Studdard is the acceptable hefty person of choice for fat jokes, in case you were wondering. I love when people refer to…
Enough! If we were getting an extra three minutes of brilliant John Locke insights, I would understand. But we’re not. When ABC runs Lost three minutes over the top of the hour, they’re just stuffing three more minutes of commercials down our collective throat each episode. They do the same with Desperate Housewives. Most people…
Do we still need this warning before every video? Thanks to DVD’s, we don’t have to sit through bad previews anymore, so why the FBI Warning? I bet .00001% of the population has actually read the FBI warning in their lifetime. If you remember, that’s less than the number of people who care about the…
I think James Van Der Beek should adopt his Dawson persona and be a top U.S. Ambassador. He definitely couldn’t pull it off as James Van Der Beek. People would resent him for his last name. But if he were Dawson, he could change the world. Doesn’t Katie Holmes look hot in that picture? Dawson…
Fad is a funny word. If you didn’t know the meaning, you might think it’s a combination of “mad” with another word (that shall go nameless here), making one magical word for “really mad.” But for some reason, “fad” means “a briefly popular fashion or trend.” But every once in awhile, we get confused with…
Bea Arthur has a romantic encounter. Just kidding. I’m sure Bea has a very active sex life. And with non-canine beings, as well. For the first time in 86 years, the NHL won’t have a season. For the 86th time in 86 years, no one will care about the NHL.