Tonight’s the season finale of Dancing with the Stars, so I better watch. Some observations: George Lopez is in the crowd. Maybe he’s looking for some Mario Lopez jokes to sprinkle in with his blatantly ethnic act. Marcus Allen is in the crowd, too. I guess he’s supporting Emmitt Smith. What’s Emmitt doing comparing dancing…
Katie Holmes bought $3 thousand in lingerie for her wedding this weekend. Maybe they had to pay extra to have anti-Zordon shields sewn in to protect Katie’s areoli from the Scientology goons. Don’t go there, girl! Oprah didn’t get an invite to the wedding. Oprah says she doesn’t feel dissed, and she even plans on…
We haven’t had the “Days” segment on the air for more than a year. For some reason, in the last couple months I’ve been bombarded with requests to bring it back. Ugh. Here’s the deal: I’ll watch an episode and get as many classic clips out of it that I can. Then, I’ll share them…
Last week, I went to the gas station. As I was about to pay, an old woman came in and made a scene about the credit card machine not reading her card at the pump. She was being unreasonable thinking she might get charged twice. Unreasonable like a fox. I think certain old people take…
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Focusing on your shortcomings takes the fun out of living and makes you notice others’ shortcomings, too. The power of positive thinking is no joke — the more you do it, the more powerful you’ll feel, even though you have a giant growth under your left eye. Stop picking…
Astrologers warn: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wedding this Saturday will be a shame. Their signs simply don’t make for a good wedding that day. It’s too late! They’ve arrived in Rome Monday! I don’t think they’re worried. Tom wouldn’t believe in something as silly as astrology. The guy who owns Anna Nicole’s house in…
Chris saw a woman changing her baby’s diaper at Bramlage after K-State’s basketball game Saturday. I saw some dude pawing at a copy of the dirty mag “High Society” at Dara’s in Aggieville. All around, it was just a creepy weekend for the Stooks in the Morning crew. We asked our listeners to share. Segment…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Your leadership skills continue to shine early in the day, so handle the big picture. Later on, you discover that tying up loose ends and finishing the details hits the spot. Then, you can show off to everyone how good you are at tying shoes. Gemini (May 21 –…
K-Fed has a Britney sex tape that he’s holding ransom. He’s already been offered $50 million for it, but he’s willing to be a good guy and let it go for a little less for Britney. Britney Spears wants to give away pictures of her second son instead of selling them. She wants to make…
Weird Free for All today. “I made a ‘yo mama’ joke”/”That ‘yo mama’ joke sucked”/Phill Kline (3:28). Softball chat (1:49) “Alec” is a name for sillies (1:11). Topeka Seaman Fight Song (0:28).
Leo (July 23 – August 22) Prospects that you thought had evaporated reappear in your life when you least expect them to. Those sneaky ghosts. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) It’s time to free yourself of stale situations that are more trouble than they’re worth. Well, at least you now know the problems with…
Ed Bradley from 60 Minutes died of leukemia today. Not even Mike Wallace knew anything about Ed’s leukemia. I really liked Ed Bradley, so I feel bad making a joke already. But you have to listen to Mike Wallace talk about Ed’s mom to CNN. Very odd “What did Wallace say about my mom?” Maybe…
I’m writing this as Donald is giving his Landon Lecture at K-State. Ever wonder why we applaud people for not getting divorced or for being alive to be married for a certain number of years? Why is that? Applauding Rumsfeld’s marriage skills. Obviously, this speech came at an odd time, what with his being fired…
Despite being fired yesterday, Donald Rumsfeld will still talk to K-State students today. The Iraqi Woman is concerned (3:30). “Rummy Chat” Segment 1 (1:59). “Rummy Chat” Segment 2 (4:17). Silver Forrest Retirement Community has an unbelievable offer for Rummy (0:35). “I can still squish smalls insects and reptiles in my hand.”
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) This current energy makes you results-oriented and gives you fantastic taste. It’s times like these that make you question the limited availability of the McRib. Cancer (June 22 – July 22) A good cleaning from top to bottom and putting up some new shelves could help you feel safe…
Listen as Rosie shows why she’s got a job on The View, and I don’t. Tons of K-Fed news today. First, the last straw may have been when Kevin stood her up last Thursday, leaving her alone to weep at the restaurant. Monday night, Kevin was filming a special with MuchMusic, when he gets a…
America’s couple, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are divorcing. Today, we tried to heal. Segment 1 – “It’s over for everyone” (3:21). Segment 2 – The High Lady plans her next move (1:36). Now we know why K-Fed tried to save the penny… We also had a lot of post-election stuff on today’s show. The…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Having a mother is simultaneously a deeply personal and widely universal experience. Honor those nurturing energies in your life by either talking with your mother or honoring the mother you’ve created from the body parts of dead streetwalkers you found in Vegas. Gemini (May 21 – June 21) The…
Shocker! Britney Spears has filed for divorce. He was on the WWE again last night. I wonder if the fact he makes more money wrestling than he ever will as a singer had anything to do with that decision. I wonder if someone told her that her kids would get half their DNA from Federline?…
In a blatant ripoff of our Free For all Friday feature, we did “You Decide” Tuesday, so our listeners could decide if they cared to talk about politics or something completely irrelevant. Guns and pancakes (2:51) Morrison stash (3:16) Morrison facial hair: a threat to global warming. Stooks in the Morning hits the 12 listener…
Leo (July 23 – August 22) The stars give you the ability to think, talk and act at the speed of light. But you still won’t be able to get to the bathroom in time after a 4 a.m. stop at Denny’s. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Go ahead and give in to a…
Snoop Dogg turned himself into police for weapons possession Monday. When he made bail, he signed autographs as if he was quite familiar with the surroundings. Hmmmmm. Madonna claims to be raising her baby as both Kaballah and Christian. That’s cheating. Kirstie Alley showed off her new body on Oprah Monday. Nope. Still no blood…
Photoshop Adam gave me one of his valuable dating tips: using iqtest.com to trick girls into thinking you’re smarter than you are. You take the test a couple times to get the answers down, then somehow talk the girl into taking the test with you. When you score 200, she apparently drops trow. Segment 1…
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Be careful whom you hang out with — you’re in an impressionable state of mind. Before you know it, beliefs, sayings and habits that aren’t really yours could become ingrained in your personality. Why don’t they list that side effect on the Robitussin bottle? Cancer (June 22 – July…
Everyone’s coming out this year. Doogie Howser is gay. NPH would never do that. Madonna encourages her drivers to run red lights and violate other traffic laws to get away from the press. Then, she goes home and reads her Princess Di propaganda. Last I checked, Larry Birkhead’s website was down, but TMZ.com got a…
Another Free for All. The High Lady called with some nonsense (4:14). Mannheim Steamroller fan/Having babies between bouts of savings (1:26). The World Series was rigged/Messing with drunks (3:08). The problem with Coach’s in Salina (1:49). Justin Timberlake: Eunuch/Beating the cops (1:44). The million dollar drug bust (2:58).
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) A dearly held wish of yours is about to become reality. When it happens, you’ll have to make some big changes in your life. Some advice about how to deal with it is coming your way, albeit in a strange disguise. Damn you Halloween Costume clearance pricing! Gemini (May…
Anna Nicole is finally talking, well, was finally talking to reporters before her lung collapsed and she ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. The interviews started to air Thursday. Meanwhile, a sworn witness says Anna Nicole told her that Larry Birkhead is the father of her baby. Listen to ET henchman Mark Steines at…
Almost everyone in my apartment building will give a simple grunt or even look away when I say “hey, how’s it going?” We wonder why people can’t say “hi.” Segment 1 (3:33) Segment 2 (2:19) “Words with Chris Casey.” Today’s word: cherub (0:30). The Stoner plans to watch “Borat” in an interesting manner (2:39). How…
Leo (July 23 – August 22) There are few things more intoxicating than daydreams, Mel Gibson’s urine sample being one of them. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) A sudden burst of emotion could cause you to unleash your temper if you don’t take care. Otherwise you might just rip the head off the Happy…