1 of 1000 things wrong with Time Warner

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Time Warner's DVR remote has a really stupid feature, the "Master Power" button. The button seems to randomly decide whether it will function as a master power or as a power button for the currently selected device. So, when your cable box turns itself off for no reason, you'll press the CBL, then the power button, yet the remote will sometimes send a power signal to all of your devices, turning off the TV in the process.

There are about 50 buttons on the remote, why can't we have separate power and master power buttons? I can't believe I'm writing about this.

Labels:


Bookmark this biznatch:

Sad day for Barry

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Poor Barry.

Barry Bonds, Major League Baseball's all-time home-run leader, was indicted by a U.S. grand jury on charges of obstructing justice and perjury for lying about using steroids.


This doesn't affect my unending desire to play the Barry World on Super Mario Galaxy.

Labels: ,


Bookmark this biznatch:

What are the teens up to this time?



Check out those silly teens.

More than four in 10 teens, or 43 percent, who instant message use it for things they wouldn't say in person, according to an Associated Press-AOL poll released Thursday. Twenty-two percent use IMs to ask people out on dates or accept them, and 13 percent use them to break up.


It doesn't say what percent set up encounters with 40 year olds at Waffle House.  Sorry, pedophiles, you'll have to wait for the next study.

  
Silly little girl. Jacko's loaf is for boys!

Labels: , ,


Bookmark this biznatch:

Mindblow: NES Zapper

Saturday, November 03, 2007



Some friends and I were talking about what a technological marvel the original Nintendo Zapper was.

How'd they do that? The Wikipedia explanation hurts my brain.

When the trigger was pulled, the game blanked out the screen with a black background for one frame, then, for one additional frame, drew a solid white rectangle around the sprite the user was supposed to be shooting at. The photodiode at the back of the Zapper would detect these changes in intensity and send a signal to the NES to indicate whether it was over a lit pixel or not. A drop followed by a spike in intensity signaled a hit. Multiple sprites were supported by flashing a solid white rectangle around each potential sprite, one per frame.

It is possible to cheat in games by changing the brightness and contrast of the television, or pointing the gun at a bright light. The gun thinks it is pointing at a solid white target and will report a hit. If there are multiple targets, the "hit" target will be the first to be lit with the white square. This is not as consistent with a fluorescent lamp due to the possible differences in timing of the lamp's flicker verses the timing of the television's refresh rate.

Additionally, by using a magnifying glass on the gun, it fools the receptor into thinking that the rectangle is much larger than it actually is, allowing for a shotgun-like effect that will cover the entire screen. The same effect can be achieved by smearing grease to the lens.

Due to the Zapper's technological limitations, it is not compatible with some HDTVs. The video processing built into a HDTV (scaling, upconverting) can cause a time delay of several frames with the picture output by the console so that even well-aimed shots, which would register as "true" on standard televisions, almost always fail as a result of this time latency.

Labels:


Bookmark this biznatch:

U toucha my Internet, I breaka U face

Friday, November 02, 2007

Check out this headline from a discovermagazine.com story and the accompanying picture:

This man wants to control the Internet.
And you should let him.




With this headline and photo, Discover is basically saying "Yeah, we know he looks like a complete douche, but what he has to say makes sense. Maybe you should listen."

Nice try, Discover. You greatly underestimate how high I value looks.

Labels: ,


Bookmark this biznatch:

iPhone: For Morons

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Have you seen the new iPhone ads with the douches talking about why they needed an iPhone? One particular ad annoys the hell out of me. The guy talks about how he had to carry a bag around to hold all of his electronic devices. Yes, I've done the same, but this guy's reasoning is really messed up (bold mine).

"I had the iPod, I had a camera, and I had a regular phone, and a phone for text messaging and emails and stuff like that."

So, explain again why you carried around two phones? At first, I hoped he was saying that he had a landline phone. But in the context of "needing a bag to carry it around," he has a regular cell phone and a separate phone dedicated for "text messaging and emails and stuff like that." Why would you have two phones if one of them can do text messaging and email? Are you talking on the phone and sending text messages at the same time? What kind of messed up savant are you, anyway?


Labels: , ,


Bookmark this biznatch:

RIP: The Fonzie Fix

Sunday, October 21, 2007

We went to the 810 Zone on the Plaza to watch the MU and KU games yesterday.

They have touchscreen computers in the booths. You can watch TV, play games or go online. It's a pretty cool idea. Our particular computer was dicked, though. It wouldn't let us select any of the options.

They rebooted the machine several times, but it didn't help. The waitress joked that we should just hit the screen to try to fix it.

At that moment, I realized Fonzie couldn't fix shit in the digital age.



The Fonz, oblivious to his future irrelevance

Labels: , , ,


Bookmark this biznatch:

Overheard: One of those guys

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I walked into the Target electronics department just in time to hear the helmet-haired woman behind the glass counter drop something brilliant to a coworker:

"He's one of those guys. He's a bad boy. But when you break him in, he's the sweetest guy ever."


I'm assuming this girl is talking about her boyfriend. He's so "bad," only the tough "breaking in" at the hands of a helmet-haired electronics department staffer can dent his rugged exterior.

Labels: , ,


Bookmark this biznatch:

WTF: NFL in High Def

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Today's Chiefs game isn't in high definition. Unacceptable.

Channel 9's local news broadcasts in high definition, and you're telling me CBS doesn't have enough high-def equipment to cover all their NFL games? They pay $622.5 million per year for NFL rights, and full-HD coverage puts them in the red? WTF?

This pisses off and confounds me to a point I can't express.

60 Minutes isn't in high def either, but this can be blamed on Andy Rooney.


Katie Couric looks similar in high def


Meanwhile, CBS broadcasts The Young and the Restless in HD for Christ's sake! I'm not joking. Christ is a huge Young and the Restless fan.

Labels: , ,


Bookmark this biznatch:

What's the matter with technology?

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I've figured out what's wrong with technology. All the people who appreciate the laziness technology affords don't get off their asses to invent new stuff.

The only reason an automated Jetsons-like shower doesn't exist at this point is because all of us who think the process should be automated assume that some other lazy-ass will get the word out that this technology should exist.

In fact I heard that Joseph Barbera didn't die of natural causes at the age of 95, but from shock that the automated shower hadn't been invented yet.



Al Gore says: "All the buildings in the future are on stilts because of global warming."



Al Gore says: "Have you learned nothing, assholes! AirCarpool, goddammit!"

Labels: ,


Bookmark this biznatch:

I'm annoyed: Volume Controls

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Hey, Internet!

Can I get a decent volume control over here?

90 percent of online video players have their volume sliders juiced all the way. Unfortunately, 50 percent of online videos have the volume set at some low-ass level. I need to be able to boost those levels, dumbasses!

Solution: keep the default volume where it is, but double the length of the volume slider so I can get some decent amplification. Must I explain everything?

Labels: ,


Bookmark this biznatch:

The good thing about spam

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Sick of dealing with spam? How about phishing?

You could blame people who are dense enough to fall for spam or phishing expeditions for enabling this type of activity.

Or you could rest easy knowing that you're on the smarter side of the population.

I do both.

Labels:


Bookmark this biznatch:

R.I.P. "Internets" and "Interweb"

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I've decided I'm sick of hearing people say "Internets" and "Interweb."

I love Colbert as much as the next guy, but this is getting worse than overquoting Napoleon Dynamite.

Originality, people! Bunch of pwned n00bs.

Labels: , ,


Bookmark this biznatch:

Have we learned nothing from Demolition Man?

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Why do I always think "Judge Dredd" before I realize I mean to be thinking "Demolition Man"?

Even though Demolition Man showed how easy it was to defeat a retinal scan 14 years ago, companies keep developing the technology.



Snipes was even frozen before the technology was around, and quickly figured out how to defeat the system.

Next up: penile scan.

Labels: ,


Bookmark this biznatch:

Can I get Sprint's websites at Sprint Speed?

Monday, August 06, 2007

I've had my Sprint PCS Mogul Pocket PC for the past month, and I love the hell out of it. It downloads faster than any phone I've seen, and I haven't dropped any calls.

Sadly, Sprint hasn't taken its "Sprint Speed" concept to the customer login section of its website yet. As I'm typing this, another "The connection was reset" error pops up. It's been the same story every day for the past week. I just want to login so I can setup a credit card for auto bill pay.

This is sad for 2007, and Sprint needs to fix it immediately. I hope this isn't the case for every customer who tries to access their account online.

Labels:


Bookmark this biznatch:

Microsoft can do cool stuff, too

Monday, July 16, 2007

Everyone's been loving on Apple so much for the iPhone that I'm starting to feel bad for poor old, lonely Microsoft. I've been showing this video off to friends for the last couple of months anyway, so it deserves a little blog love.

It's a program called Photosynth. If you haven't seen it, get ready for a mind blow.


Labels:


Bookmark this biznatch: