Photoshop Adam sent me some new photos to warn me about abusing drugs. “Stooks, Remember those old commercials where they said “This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs”? And then some skanky looking chic would trash a kitchen or throw eggs at an old lady. Anyway I think someone should bring them…
Have you ever picked up a Maxim, Men’s Health or Cosmo and read one of those “Top 10 worst things to do on a first date” articles? I always wonder, “who actually needs this advice?” Advice like “don’t talk about your ex, how good you are in bed and no dinner table flatulence.” We got…
We do a segment on the show every day called “The Stooksoscope.” It’s like a horoscope, but with my name inserted and some of the stars advice slightly altered. Here’s today’s for Taurus: The fear is far more intimidating than the task itself. Tackle this job, and you’ll find that it’s easier than you would’ve…
Hopefully this is a treat. I’m no longer limiting myself to one post a day. So you’ll need to make sure you scroll down to get your full fix of new posts each day. We’ll keep giving you the morning posts and sound clips you know and love. But there may be bonus posts throughout…
Cox Communications has a new marketing campaign. Something like “don’t go outside, stay inside and watch more Cox programming. We were talking about how stupid that is, and encouraged our listeners to come up with something decent. We couldn’t air one of our callers, who created a character “Harry,” a marketing guy at Cox. However,…
The President’s address tonight better not mess up “24.” The eyebrow is second only to the nose itch in awkward public itching. Yup, even above the crotch. Tetris makes my eye burn more than any other video game. Not both eyes, just the left one. I want to get a massage, but I’ve never had…
I saw an elderly couple using the self checkout at Dillon’s yesterday. While they didn’t physically struggle with the process, it was quite shocking to observe and elderly couple trying such new-fangled technology. This morning, we started talking about funny things we’ve seen old people do. A caller told us about his troubling experience with…
We had all kinds of Mother’s Day fun today. We had a “Mother’s Day Memories” feature that ran throughout the show. Here’s segment 1, segment 2, and segment 3. Hansel stopped by and had a sad Mother’s Day story. Finally, an online-only segment with the High Lady on Mother’s Day. She didn’t call until the…
We have graduations and Mother’s Day this weekend. That left us with loads of ground to cover this morning. Which are the real Blanche and Dorothy? “Stooks in the Morning’s Craft Corner” had some great tips for homemade Mother’s Day gifts. Our callers gave us some tips for moving on into the real world after…
My landlord is giving a tour of my apartment this afternoon. I have empty liquor bottles in my kitchen and laundry all over the floor. It’s probably been a month-and-a-half since I’ve done laundry. This’ll give me the opportunity to finally get the laundry done and be out of the apartment when they do the…
We have a new sales guy, Steve. We thought we’d have a little fun with this morning, and he totally got punk’d!!! Katie Holmes’ parents finally got to see Suri Cruise. So we tried to figure out what they did for fun with “What did the Holmesies do while visiting Suri in L.A.?” So, David…
Our little movie-reviewing friend called with his thoughts on Mission: Impossible III. I went to a bachelor party this weekend and have another one coming up this Saturday in Kansas City for my friend Geoff. This led us to speculate on times when the bachelorette finds out a little too much information about the bachelor…
One of our callers celebrated with a “Cinco De Mayo” party. We also did this for the holiday. Not really sure how to explain it, you’ll just have to listen and be horrified. Hansel joined us to talk about his MySpace page. See his page here. Finally, the long-awaited debut of “Patrick Swayze’s Pottery Barn…
A kid called the show to crack a “May the 4th be with you” joke. Later, we were mocking him. He didn’t take too kindly to this and called the show again. We also had an old man and Dorothy flying solo on “Which is the real Dorothy?” “You think I’m repulsive now? Wait ’til…
I have a sore throat today. So I’ve decided to blame everyone I work with. We have three people who refill their Dasani-style water bottles straight from the water cooler nozzle. The openings on these bottles is barely large enough to accomodate the nossle. This means their germy mouth goo gets on the nozzle. They…
Or digital audio recorder was on the fritz today, so no new clips. We had a good “Yogurt Chat with Chip Rimaldi”…but no proof it ever happened. However, if you haven’t stopped by my MySpace page, give it a shot. There is a clip generator on the page that will remind you of some classic…
For some reason, a college co-ed asked us for love advice this morning. And an old woman was very confused about our phone number and what year it was. “Pa says if I take my helmet off, the spirit of Pat Sajak will devour my eye sockets.” Today’s Daily Quote of the Day for Today:…
Paying too much at the pump? Inspired by posts at theprewitt.com, we pleaded with our audience to get creative and come up with some ways to save on gas. They did okay (Segment 1 here) (Segment 2 here), but our best advice came from Louie Anderson. And even Swedish Schoolboy Hansel is feeling the pains…
I gave in and joined MySpace yesterday. I can already tell that it will own my soul. I’m desperate for friends, by the way. So join me at myspace.com/mattstooks. We took to the air with this, and got some interesting feedback: MySpace is at least related to the Devil on some level. Segment 1 has…
Once again, someone called our show looking for “Swap Shop.” We made an exception and let him share his items. Discussion on last night’s American Idol led to a frightening Patrick Swayze reach-a-round reference. “Swayze, hands off my clay phallus.” Today’s Daily Quote of the Day for Today: “Abdul’s ‘dumb’ is chemically induced.” – Chris…
Yogurt is pretty good. But, unlike my co-host, I refuse to eat more than one yogurt in a row. GoGurt is a fun yogurt treat. As you can see, they cleverly use a see-through package for different games and light sabers and such. “Now that I have my weapon, time to murder Jar Jar Binks…right…
Check out this horrifying coverage of last week’s Trike-A-Thon. Then, check out me getting all sorts of up in their grill over this excerpt: The Riley County Fire Department came in first place at the event with their makeshift tricycle, which was adorned with a light, an American flag and a horn. Ironically, the light…
Earth Day is tomorrow. To celebrate, we had an Earth Day Tip. We had another Earth Day Tip. And we had one glorious grand finale of an Earth Day Tip. Without Earth Day, the oceans will boil the dolphins, and birds will develop a blue, log-like apparatus…and Chinese writing will appear in the corners of…
UPDATE!!! Almost forgot to put a call from the High Lady that we got after the show. She’s also the quote of the day at the bottom of this post. Which are the real Blanche and Dorothy? You decide. And a stoner called in to celebrate 4/20. But the biggest item of the day is…
Ever see something horrifying in someone’s trashcan? How about soiled toilet paper? We tried to figure out this phenomenon. “I pilot the aircraft with my mind…then I die of cancer or something.” Here’s a frightening bit Chris Casey put together, called “Stooks Quest V.” Baby Cruise-Holmes was born yesterday. We caught the action as Katie…
In an unbelievable Stooks Scoop, we find out about a new Michael Jackson molestation fan, and we find out “What’s Tom Cruise going to feast on after Katie Holmes craps out a kid?” If only Spielberg could harvest children… With Cheney coming to town, the Iraqi Woman wanted to score tickets. And we scored an…
Dick Cheney is coming to Fort Riley tomorrow. To celebrate, here’s another edition of “Dick Cheney Says.” The High Lady called after the show ended. She gave us some online-only thoughts on Easter and Dick Cheney coming to town. “If my daugther weren’t lesbian, this would be her size of preference.” Today’s Daily Quote of…
We had our special Easter edition of the show today. Adam, the singing telegrammer, called in with an Easter song. Dick Cheney had hunting tips for Easter. Barry Bonds has a new product, just in time for Easter! And here’s an online only, behind-the-scenes feature of us creating this odd bit. Sweedish schoolboy Hansel joined…
Worried about the mumps this Easter Season? The Stoner has a conspiracy theory for you. It’s supposed to be hot Easter Sunday, the mumps are going around, and the kids are already too violent over the whole Easter Egg ordeal. Luckily, we find out “How would Jesus hunt?” “Now I can get chicks for sure!”…
My co-host, Chris Casey, can’t turn away telemarketers. This resulted in him paying $20 for a concert that he won’t attend to benefit the Kansas Highway Patrol. Luckily, one of our Fox 4 “Problem Solvers” viewers alerted us that this was a scam. These three women have one problem: John Holt’s intense libido. Believe it…