What better way to celebrate Fat Tuesday than with Louie Anderson! “And I pray that chicken fingers may fall from the sky and into my mouth.” Lots of clips today. We had our first ever “Ask Louie” segment today. Louie’s got great advice on how to get beads on Mardi Gras. One caller wanted to…
We played a fun game today, called “Which is the real Blanche?” It infuriated our old, possibly German lady. “I never believed in summer sausage. I like it all four seasons.” Changing themes, I went to Wal-Mart yesterday. I didn’t really do anything Saturday night, so I was in Wal-Mart at 8:30 Sunday morning. I…
As promised, here’s the picture of Lisa Marie Presley and her new beau. He’s quite the dandy. “With our loins combined, we can create a race to take over the world! Or, at the very least, frighten it.”
The Manhattan Mercury impressed me with the cleverness of the above headline. But they couldn’t fit as many m’s in there as I could, so there! Here’s our discussion from this morning.It’s Girl Scout Cookie Season, but before you go hunting Girl Scouts and stealing their cookies, check out girlscouts.net to find out where you…
This morning, we were talking about a guy from the Manhattan parks department who got arrested for having child porn on his computer. Then, we got off on a rant about the amazingly idiotic things people do on the computer at work. The High Lady called in and then handed the phone off to a…
Happy Presidents’ Day! Make sure you go hug someone who’s met a President. I think that’s what you’re supposed to do. Here’s a little ditty I wrote, “Presidents’ Day is lonely for me.” “For my next trick, I’ll die when someone throws a towel on the floor.”
We had some freezing rain in the area this morning. Have you ever heard the “you grew up in this area, so you should know how to drive in this weather” argument? Not the one where you should slow down, but the one where you should go the full speed limit because physics don’t apparently…
First off, I’m disappointed in Google. They don’t have a Valentine’s graphic on the homepage today. I could understand if the Olympics happened only every four years and only for one day that happened to be on Valentine’s, but that isn’t the case. You can take one day off from the Olympics graphic to put…
Extra special treats today. First, we had a discussion about the “Love Assist,” where someone you are with hits on someone on your behalf. Then, the High Lady calls in at the end of the segment and throws a huge wrench into the whole thing. “Puff, puff, pass, Snoop.” Then, my favorite and dirtiest segment…
A new character debuted on the show today: the guy who likes Barbie a little too much. Ken was too busy listening to Clay Aiken records to come to Barbie’s rescue.
I saw a Chevy Impala that had spinning rims. “But Michael, spinning rims will cripple my ability to TurboBoost.” -Kitt Just to emphasize how lame that is, my mom drives the exact same car. This morning, we decided spinning rims: 1. Only work on trashy cars 2. Should have a version that looks like a…
Interesting question posed by a Stooks in the Morning caller this morning. “Does Ariel have normal female plumbing?” And why wasn’t that point argued in her song about being a normal woman? “If you were a real woman, I’d show you the trick I can do with my claws.”
Five types of people at the Superbowl party: 1. Normal fan2. There-for-the-dip guy3. Woman along for the ride4. Way too intense guy5. Guy who doesn’t like football but feels the need to talk constantly You can’t have a way-too-intense guy and the talking guy at the same party. Intense guy will scream at talking guy…
Have you heard about the Kama Sutra virus? Well, I got confused after I Googled “kama sutra” to find out about this nasty little bugger, and stumbled upon the “Kama Sutra Animated.” I was shocked to see that this was some kind of obscene website! Hint! You can set the poses as the desktop on…
This guy can never gets any good email.
The Pops of Pudding is almost at that age. The Prewitt and I went to breakfast at Chubby’s in KC the other day. There was an old woman sitting next to us. She had three empty packs of smokes, each one stuffed with cigarette lighters. She used her cane to try to retrieve a penny…
Last night, there was a wretched contestant on American Idol named “Wolfy,” “because I love wolves, and all my friends know me as Wolfy, and I love wolves.” And amazingly, we had a Stooks in the Morning “stooksclusive” interview with Wolfy on our show.
I couldn’t find the complete freak who was on American Idol last night, so I figured the Tina Yothers picture would do the job. So, we were making fun of this girl from AI, and then she magically called into the show.
There was a lady from Iraq who spoke to President Bush the other day in Manhattan. So we decided to make fun of her, as “The Iraqi Lady” called into the show. If you’d like to hear the original Iraqi Lady, so you can tell just how horrible our impersonations are, here it is.
President Bush came to Manhattan yesterday so that everyone would constantly applaud everything he said. We were talking about it again this morning. The High Lady, even though she wouldn’t mind bedding the President, would rather talk football.
In 25 seconds time, we created one of the oddest skits of all time on the show.Feel free to comment on the emotions you’re feeling after hearing it.
I met the most entertaining middle-aged woman ever today. I wish I would’ve gotten her name, but it was at 12:30 at the Handy’s Liquor Store (tee hee…Handys…). I say “Hey, how’s it going?” My new friend says “It’s Thursday!” And then we get into an in-depth conversation about how Thursday is actually better than…
Yesterday, some guy came into the laundromat, opened up a dryer, and inspected a pair of panties, a la the above photo. He leaves. Then the panties’ true owner arrives. I didn’t tell her anything. And here’s why: “Excuse me miss, but some creep was in here inspecting your panties.” Then, she proceeds to burn…
Have you ever read the side of one of these Celestial Seasonings boxes? They have all kinds of wisdom. And if drinking the tea and following the advice turns me as cool as the badass on the front of the box, I’m all for it. In celebration of the fine reading available on tea boxes…
We get lots of calls for “can you say my friend’s name on the air for their birthday?” And it always comes off sounding awkward if we try to do it. To help put an end to this activity, Stooks in the Morning presents the Angry Old Lady’s Birthday Wish.
I shave in the shower. This morning, I had already done the hair thing, the face wash thing, and the sudsing of my unmentionables, so I was ready for my shave. Then, I proceeded to apply shaving cream to my entire face. I drove to work, then wondered how I got here when I showed…
How awkward is it when you catch someone staring at you? Not as awkward as you getting caught doing the same thing. I always try to play it off like I’m taking a general overview of the room, maybe searching for catsup. Yeah, that’s right. The “ketchup” spelling is for losers. We got some good…
Santa called in today, and shared some of his secrets. Enjoy.
Why is it spelled that way? And the alternate spellings are no better: The bogeyman, also boogeyman, boogyman, or bogyman, is a ghost-like monster that children often believe is real. “Boogieman” is more like it. And children “often” believe he is real? Isn’t that saying the majority of children think he’s real? As Stossel would…
First off, here’s the phone call that prompted the angry Email. We were talking about the occupations that annoy the normal folk. Car salesmen, telemarketers, etc. were on some recent study of the most unethical jobs when a caller said Jehova’s Witnesses should be added to the list. I got another Email today. Subject: you…