Britney Spears has a messed up white Mercedes to go with the black one she used in a hit and run. She’s having such a difficult time driving. Her brake keeps sticking to her vagina. Such a shame. I only bring this up to remind you of the times when we went out of our…
I’ve figured out what’s wrong with technology. All the people who appreciate the laziness technology affords don’t get off their asses to invent new stuff. The only reason an automated Jetsons-like shower doesn’t exist at this point is because all of us who think the process should be automated assume that some other lazy-ass will…
I’ve expressed my thoughts on tattoos before, but Channel 9’s Crimestoppers has me thinking again. (1:40 podcast mp3) “I drive a Camry.”
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but NFL quarterbacks have ugly green dots on the back of their helmets this year. Every helmet with a green dot has a headset inside. Only one headset is allowed on the offense at a time. With these fun dots, refs can make sure only one is on the…
Don’t mess with a cop who looks like he needs vacation. Almost every time a cop shoots his gun or tases someone, he goes on “paid leave,” a.k.a. vacation. Obviously cops don’t typically shoot or tase people just to get time off, but it makes you think. “Fluorescent power enabled!”
Here’s a narrated slide/video show I put together from our trip to Chicago.
(1:55 podcast) I’m getting annoyed by a certain part of Michael Jackson’s “Black or White.” “Wait ’til I rip this shirt open, 12-year-old boys will be all over me.”
It was bad enough that Chiefs fans had to endure the sub-horrible announcing team of Matt Vasgersian and Jayice “J.C.” Pearson for today’s game against the Vikings. Veteran KC Star sports hack Jeffrey Flanagan had to go and interview J.C. for this morning’s column. Why would you want to get perspective from the one guy…
I got burned last night by introducing myself to someone I’d met before. Every once in awhile, I get the feeling I don’t have the skills to succeed in society.
Hey, Internet! Can I get a decent volume control over here? 90 percent of online video players have their volume sliders juiced all the way. Unfortunately, 50 percent of online videos have the volume set at some low-ass level. I need to be able to boost those levels, dumbasses! Solution: keep the default volume where…
My voice has been wrecked since Saturday morning before our trip to Chicago. There’s nothing like being in a new place, meeting new people and not being able to do the one thing I’m decent at: boring the hell out of them with my voice. I’ve uploaded pictures from the trip here. Or enjoy the…
I was perusing my Facebook today when I stumbled upon this: Lars, are you selling out to the Internet? The Internet that cost you millions of dollars? Or is this just Facebook continuing its transformation into MySpace? For the sake of my fun, I’ll say Lars is selling out. Someone must’ve shown him a graph…
I’m flying to Chicago tomorrow morning for a little mini vacation from whatever it is I do. My friend Kevin and I are visiting Tony, some jerk we know from high school. Factoid: Tony’s nickname was Garden Hose in college. Like any trip or major holiday, it looks like I’ll have some kind of cold…
Enjoy this video from a Britney Spears ally. Note: contains language not suitable for small children or a touchy workplace.
I don’t qualify for this Craig’s List posting, so I thought you might want to know about it (bold mine). Are you interested in becoming a Marvel Super Hero? A leading staffing agency is currently looking for talent to portray a famous action hero for upcoming live appearances in leading retail stores all over the…
(1:08) In this podcast, I address one of my biggest disappointments since returning to Kansas City. Note: You are not hallucinating.
“If you thought Superbad was funny the first time, just wait ’til you see it the second time.” I’m not trying to pick on Superbad, as I would like to see it, but I’ve had enough of this “If you thought (blank) was (blank) the first time, just wait ’til you see it the second…
This article’s way too long to read, but I get the impression that it proves, once and for all, that endurance training makes you age quickly. Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: Endurance training is antithetical to anti-aging. So it amazes me when guys in their 40s and 50s who are training…
From the KC Star’s Letters to the Editor: Overland Park is very close to changing its ordinance (PMV-2577) regarding parking and storage of RVs and boats… Even though we will be grandfathered, it will be at a great financial burden to comply with the outrageous screening and side yard requirements. Storage of RVs over 8…
(2:39) Soon-to-be-former Senator Larry Craig takes to the pod-o-verse to address claims on his sexuality. “There’s not one ounce of limp in that wrist” – Larry Craig
(2:18 podcast) Sailor Jerry kicked my ass into a world of embarrassment last week.
On my return trip from Big Lake, Missouri, I had the honor of discovering an interesting restroom configuration. As you know, most gas station restrooms are filthy, especially when located off the Interstate. While this restroom was clean and tidy, someone made the curious choice of putting a carpet square under the urinal. Yes, taking…
My friends Kevin and Dan hosted a Slip N Slide party yesterday. For the obstacle course, participants start by chugging a beer. Then, a variety of water hazards await as the contestants pick up three flags in this timed challenge.
Thanks to Larry Craig, law-abiding visitors to public restrooms can no longer sit upon the toilet with a wide stance. The senator then tapped his right foot, “a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct,” Karsnia wrote, and Craig ran his left hand several times underneath the partition dividing the stalls. The…
I had an interesting IM swap with Chris Casey moments ago.Stooks: Dermatologists in 12 cities offered a typical wait of eight days for a cosmetic patient wanting Botox to smooth wrinkles, compared with a typical wait of 26 days for a patient requesting evaluation of a changing mole, a possible indicator of skin cancer. Chris:…
Sick of dealing with spam? How about phishing? You could blame people who are dense enough to fall for spam or phishing expeditions for enabling this type of activity. Or you could rest easy knowing that you’re on the smarter side of the population. I do both.
I’ve decided I’m sick of hearing people say “Internets” and “Interweb.” I love Colbert as much as the next guy, but this is getting worse than overquoting Napoleon Dynamite. Originality, people! Bunch of pwned n00bs.
In my daily perusal of Craig’s List for marketing gigs, I found this (emphasis mine): We are looking for two individuals who are hard working and need a little extra cash. The job is to dress up as a mascot and wave to children during author signing. We are in need of two mascots for…
(1:40 podcast) Last night, I figured out how memory works.
What if Michael Vick had sponsored bumfighting instead of dogfighting? Do you think Dr. Phil would invite him on his show and then throw him off without interviewing him? Or do you think he would’ve milked his moustache the interview a bit longer?