Britney’s pantie-less tirade has scared anyone decent from hanging out with her. In fact, she’s resorted to dating Brandon Davis, the guy only famous for calling Lohan a firecrotch. Suspicious: Britney Spears went to the pharmacy twice Wednesday morning. Pregnancy test? Other health problems? Rotten vagina? Some respectable news sources are asking psychologists to weigh [...]
Matt Stooks.com
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Monthly Archives November 2006
The worst idea ever
Some ridiculous consultant clown thinks Manhattan should flip the way the diagonal parking spots face on Moro. This would force you to back into the spots, giving you a clear view of oncoming traffic, all in the hopes of stopping the approximately four accidents a year along that stretch. I declared this “the worst idea [...]
Stooksoscope for Thursday
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Impulse control could become a challenge for you right now, especially when someone appeals to your maverick side. Let’s just hope no one comes along who appeals to your O.J. Simpson side. Cancer (June 22 – July 22) When it comes right down to it, you don’t have the [...]
Scoop
Britney Spears has shown off her vagina three nights in the past week. She hasn’t been wearing panties: “Whats that flapping sound? Whoops, caught some wind, there.” But, Britney’s days of being pantie-free look numbered. She just dropped $3 thousand at the place Katie Holmes got her wedding underwear at. As I think about this [...]
Target goes to Hell…again
Target isn’t allowing bell ringers for the third straight year. They are doing an online campaign with the Salvation Army and have donated $1 million of their own. We asked our listeners what they thought. Segment 1 (1:00) Segment 2 (1:11) Segment 3 (3:24) Segment 4 (5:08) Segment 5 (5:17) “Okay, did you get the [...]
Stooksoscope for Wednesday
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) You have poetry in your soul, and it’s time express it. You might want to keep your Kramer tribute poems to yourself. Gemini (May 21 – June 21) Your crackling energy takes a turn for the mellow and sweet early on in the day. Enjoy it to the fullest. [...]
Inside Edition
I got home early enough to catch Inside Edition today. I left the TV quite satisfied and with some fun audio for the show. A great tease about Britney’s new look. The payoff is even better. Britney hands off her glass of wine and starts her car. But for some reason they lead with “Britney’s [...]
Scoop
So, what was the tipping point in Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock’s relationship? Could’ve been Borat. Pam’s in Borat, playing herself. I don’t remember her doing anything too filthy, but Kid Rock wasn’t happy after seeing it. “You’re nothing but a whore! You’re a slut! How could you do that movie?” Are they sure he’s [...]
Christmas gift cutoff
Over the Thanksgiving break, my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas for my “big gift.”I asked her when she thought they would cut us off from big Christmas gifts. She thinks never. We asked our audience, is there a cutoff for Christmas gifts from your parents? I was a little surprised at their [...]
Stooksoscope for Tuesday
Leo (July 23 – August 22) The stars give you a dose of some sweet, slow energy. Your roar turns into a muted purr. Kind of like a feline Helen Keller. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) The people you respect may not understand your plans, but that doesn’t mean you should abandon them. They’re [...]
Days of Our Lives
The latest “Days” clips: Celeste’s dreams aren’t like yours and mine. Thanksgiving is for hooker girlfriends “It’s face transplant time!”
Scoop
Hold me…Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are divorcing. He’s seeking custody of her breasts. Jesse Jackson has called for a boycott of the latest Seinfeld box set because of Kramer’s racism. Can you guess what Kramer said in response? Michael Jackson’s pulling an Angelina, and lending his support to Africa, specifically, Rwanda. Can you legally [...]
Cyber Monday
Apparently everyone was too busy with Cyber Monday too contribute to the show today. Us blowing didn’t help. This guy can’t watch Seinfeld after what Kramer did (3:37). We were so desperate for material, we ripped off some audio from a random YouTube video (0:31). Here’s a frightening conversation about some mystery “almost cranberry” dish [...]
Stooksoscope for Monday
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) You’re over it, but then why are you reliving it in your head — so much so that you’re not even aware of it? The key is to see yourself as you are: a person who has learned the lesson and is truly beyond the situation, rather than seeing [...]
Scoop
Britney and Paris look like BFF. They partied at Paris’ place after the American Music Awards. Neighbors called the police because their music was so loud. Then, they had a run-in with Lindsay Lohan this weekend. This is almost as good as the Paris-Lohan danceoff story. The paparazzi were all focused on Lohan until Paris [...]
Turkey Tuesday
We’re in clip show mode tomorrow through Friday, so we made today “Turkey Tuesday.” The High Lady is back in song mode (2:05). “Words with Chris Casey.” Today’s word: Giblet (0:30). It sucks to suck at football on Thanksgiving (1:32). Bob Barker has “sweet potato” face (3:20). “Well, color me pale-faced.”
Stooksoscope for Tuesday
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) A need to make a fast choice inspires a brilliant decision. You’re so grateful for everything you’ve received. What’s more, that gratitude paves the way for even more good fortune to come your way. Isn’t Welfare great? Gemini (May 21 – June 21) Good fortune is ready to smile [...]
Scoop
Fox has canceled its special on O.J. Newscorp is also O.J.’s publisher, so they canceled the book, too. “This was an ill-considered project. We are sorry for any pain this has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown-Simpson,” said Rupert Murdoch of Fox. So, I guess we might never know how O.J. would [...]
Holiday shopping
If you hadn’t heard, The George Michael Sports Machine, in all of its crappy graphics glory, is going off the air. Luckily, they’re replacing it with The Helen Keller Sports Machine (0:59). “Canceled?! But we just got our new Atari graphics system!” The holiday shopping season started a little early this year with people shooting [...]
Stooksoscope for Monday
Leo (July 23 – August 22) You’ve been working tremendously hard. Now’s the time to take your vitamins, eat right and get plenty of rest – you’ve got Mangino to hunt. Just listen for the wobbling footsteps. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) It’s time to go where you want to go and do what [...]
