When I planned out my blogging year, I didn’t take into account Leap Day. Therefore, I don’t have a blog post to spare for this extra day. Damn you, Gregorian Calendar!
Matt Stooks.com
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Monthly Archives February 2008
Hillary at Bob Evans
Hillary Clinton made a campaign stop at a Bob Evans in Ohio. “In case this other endeavor I’m involved in doesn’t work out, I know I can come back to Bob Evans.” I think we all can agree that Hillary owes Bob Evans workers an apology. Besides, who’s she to think she could get any [...]
Hey George, stop speaking
President Bush says we’re not heading into a recession. What does this mean for you? Sell all your stocks immediately. Hard times ahead.
The pooping train
Some woman in India accidentally gave birth on the toilet of a moving train. This sounds scary enough, but apparently toilets on Indian trains are just open holes to the track below. So, the baby fell straight through the toilet and onto the tracks. They found the baby almost two hours later, still alive. The [...]
Terrorists are pirates?
The phrase “loss of lives and treasure” is a popular one in regards to the war in Iraq these days. What century is this? We talk about losing “treasure” and the voting habits of “blacks and browns.” What happened to inventing fun new words like “Islamofascist?” Stolen by Blackbeard in Fallujah
My ab routine
I’ve been fighting a rough cold all week. The frequent coughing has an upside. I woke up today feeling like I had done some actual, intense ab exercises yesterday. I have a feeling “Cough your way to health” volumes 1-10 will make me a very rich man.
A quick thank you
Dear hot lesbians playing Photo Hunt at Ugly Joe’s, Thank you.
Debate wrap up!
Oh no! You forgot to TiVo the debate? Don’t worry, I’ll tell you what happened. Here’s my wrap up: Bush, Bush, McCain, Bush, generic Texas pander, Bush, Bush, mandate, McCain, McCain, Iraq, Bush, etc. You’re welcome. “Which orifice are we talking about, Barack?”
Can we get some zoom on that tongue?
Here comes another Gene Simmons production I never want to experience. The video, found at genessecret.com, purportedly features Simmons and Australian spokesmodel “Elsa” engaging in sexual activity to the tune of Foreigner’s “I Want to Know What Love Is.” Can’t get hard to “Rock And Roll All Nite” anymore, Gene? “You may have heard or [...]
If the name fits, wear it
Who would’ve thought a restaurant named “Cracker Barrel” would have so many racial discrimination incidents?
Get your moon on
It’s going to be cold as the opposite of Hell tonight, but I’ll brave it for some serious lunar eclipse viewing action if the skies allow. Here’s what you need to know (central time). The partial eclipse phase begins tonight at 7:43 p.m., as the Earth’s dark shadow starts to cover the full moon. The [...]
Speeches about speeches
Hillary Clinton is starting to annoy me. She keeps giving the same speech. “It’s about picking a president who relies not just on words but on work, on hard work,” she said. “We need to make a choice between speeches and solutions, because while words matter greatly, the greatest words in the world are not [...]
Obama bin Laden
Here comes Chris Matthews with some help for the morons who think Barack Obama is Muslim. Today, Chris Matthews asked on his show: “What did Barack Obama say and why’s it causing controversy?” It took a couple of seconds before someone realized the accompanying graphic was a little messed up and took it off the [...]
Not so Easy Mac
For the first time since college, I’ve taken the Easy Mac plunge. At first glance, Easy Mac looks just as easy as always. Just add water, heat for four minutes, stir in some questionable powdered cheese, and you’re good to go. The poor gourmet A closer look at the package reveals “Tear Here,” with arrows [...]
Waterboarding cows
A California meat packer is recalling 143 million pounds of beef (bold mine). Hallmark/Westland Meat Packing Co voluntarily recalled all of its beef produced since February 1, 2006. USDA said Hallmark violated rules against the slaughter of “downer cattle” — that is, animals too ill to walk. How, exactly, do you recall beef from two [...]
When has-beens sue
From Slashdot: The Pirate Bay’s legal concerns are continuing to grow. Prince and the Village People are planning to sue the popular torrent site with the help of the Web Sheriff law firm. John Giacobbi of Web Sheriff has also asked Swedish band ABBA to join the cause. The suit is seeking “millions of dollars” [...]
Fox News Redemption
I hate Fox News. But they made my day with the first sentence in this story. Bai Ling’s first name may not be synonymous with her actions. The Chinese-born actress was arrested Thursday for allegedly shoplifting at Los Angeles International Airport after a gift shop employee accused her of swiping, not buying, two magazines and [...]
Single Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is the best day to be single all year – for a guy. Single women get depressed because they ain’t got no man on Valentine’s. But it’s fantastic to be a single guy on Valentine’s. Men have to do the heavy lifting on Valentine’s. Women just have to sit there. Yes, that innuendo [...]
