Last night, there was a wretched contestant on American Idol named “Wolfy,” “because I love wolves, and all my friends know me as Wolfy, and I love wolves.” And amazingly, we had a Stooks in the Morning “stooksclusive” interview with Wolfy on our show.
I couldn’t find the complete freak who was on American Idol last night, so I figured the Tina Yothers picture would do the job. So, we were making fun of this girl from AI, and then she magically called into the show.
There was a lady from Iraq who spoke to President Bush the other day in Manhattan. So we decided to make fun of her, as “The Iraqi Lady” called into the show. If you’d like to hear the original Iraqi Lady, so you can tell just how horrible our impersonations are, here it is.
President Bush came to Manhattan yesterday so that everyone would constantly applaud everything he said. We were talking about it again this morning. The High Lady, even though she wouldn’t mind bedding the President, would rather talk football.
In 25 seconds time, we created one of the oddest skits of all time on the show.Feel free to comment on the emotions you’re feeling after hearing it.
I met the most entertaining middle-aged woman ever today. I wish I would’ve gotten her name, but it was at 12:30 at the Handy’s Liquor Store (tee hee…Handys…). I say “Hey, how’s it going?” My new friend says “It’s Thursday!” And then we get into an in-depth conversation about how Thursday is actually better than…
Yesterday, some guy came into the laundromat, opened up a dryer, and inspected a pair of panties, a la the above photo. He leaves. Then the panties’ true owner arrives. I didn’t tell her anything. And here’s why: “Excuse me miss, but some creep was in here inspecting your panties.” Then, she proceeds to burn…
Have you ever read the side of one of these Celestial Seasonings boxes? They have all kinds of wisdom. And if drinking the tea and following the advice turns me as cool as the badass on the front of the box, I’m all for it. In celebration of the fine reading available on tea boxes…
We get lots of calls for “can you say my friend’s name on the air for their birthday?” And it always comes off sounding awkward if we try to do it. To help put an end to this activity, Stooks in the Morning presents the Angry Old Lady’s Birthday Wish.
I shave in the shower. This morning, I had already done the hair thing, the face wash thing, and the sudsing of my unmentionables, so I was ready for my shave. Then, I proceeded to apply shaving cream to my entire face. I drove to work, then wondered how I got here when I showed…
How awkward is it when you catch someone staring at you? Not as awkward as you getting caught doing the same thing. I always try to play it off like I’m taking a general overview of the room, maybe searching for catsup. Yeah, that’s right. The “ketchup” spelling is for losers. We got some good…
Santa called in today, and shared some of his secrets. Enjoy.
Why is it spelled that way? And the alternate spellings are no better: The bogeyman, also boogeyman, boogyman, or bogyman, is a ghost-like monster that children often believe is real. “Boogieman” is more like it. And children “often” believe he is real? Isn’t that saying the majority of children think he’s real? As Stossel would…
First off, here’s the phone call that prompted the angry Email. We were talking about the occupations that annoy the normal folk. Car salesmen, telemarketers, etc. were on some recent study of the most unethical jobs when a caller said Jehova’s Witnesses should be added to the list. I got another Email today. Subject: you…
What could I have said to prompt the following email? Did I really imply a Hitler-esque elimination of an entire religious group? I’ll have the audio here tomorrow. In the meantime, do your own grammar check, and then we’ll share notes. Subject: d.j’s suckTo: mattstooks@mattstooks.com My brother and I listen to all you dumb ass…
Don’t go to the bathroom immediately after coming in from the cold. Things are a little harder to get a hold of, and when you finally do, the fingers feel especially chilly. People who back into their parking space at work are setting the stage to get out of there as fast as they can,…
The WWE, formerly known as the WWF, is going to start testing wrestlers for drugs and steroids after Eddie “Latino Heat” Guerrero died a few weeks ago. They didn’t find drugs in his system, but he used to dance with the white lady a couple years back.That may solve one problem. But looking at the…
I’ve sucked at updating the website lately. And the longer I go between posts, the more pressure I feel to come back with a good one to make up for it. I liken it to what Luke Perry must think when he looks over scripts for possible Lifetime original movie roles, looking for the one…
I’m full of it. Holiday cheer, that is. Okay, I’m full of something else, too. Our sister station, Q103.5, is going 24-hour Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving.I I got the privelege of putting the thing together, which involves staring at several computer screens for eight hours a day and sifting through 800 Christmas songs,…
Disclaimer: The above photo does not include Justin Carson or Matt Stooks. No way in the world either one of us want to be confused with the douche in red. 1 can cream of chicken soup, ½ Cup sour cream, ¾ Cup On The Border salsa, 2 Cups Colby or Jack cheese, shredded. Mix together…
The other day on Oprah, Kirstie Alley said “If you’re 45 and you’ve never been married, you’re a perv.” So we debated it on the show. This morning, the High Lady called in with some of her friends. She was quite clever and high. Check it out. ***UPDATE*** The High Lady and her friends called…
This guy’s pathetic. Is the hat in that picture supposed to imply that he is a fan of all of Major League Baseball instead of just one team? I’ve been meaning to add this for the last week, but here’s that clip of Kevin Federline rapping for his next CD. Supposedly, his producer leaked the…
A while back, we did a bit on people who you want to ask “are you high?” Then, like clockwork, we got a high caller. You can relive that moment at this post. Then, we started talking about my friend Chris (you can check out his hilarious site here) and how the dog he started…
Okay, so you have one friend over. You don’t bother to pick anything up around the house. If you’re good enough friends for them to come over solo, then you’re comfortable leaving your house the way you usually do: messy. Now, you have twenty friends over. You clean the place up a little. That’s this…
Justin, Intern Val, and myself had to, I mean, got to judge a kids Halloween costume contest last night.After denying 100 five-and-under-year-olds any recognition for their adorable attire, I realized that even I would have trouble dogging on Scott Savol during his horrifying stint on American Idol. Click here to see my thoughts on Scott…
ABC is developing America’s Next Muppet. It will be American Idol and America’s Next Top Model combined…but ten times better.I don’t really need to argue with anyone on why The Muppets need to come back to TV. But I do want to argue for my muppet idea: Kermit’s older, alcoholic, politically conscious half-brother, Steve (couldn’t…
Nothing keeps my femininity in check like reading a Cosmo. We were checking out their web page during the show, and stumbled on a tip that said men don’t like women who make the first move. Baloney. I forecast a zero possibility of a guy turning down a girl who makes the first move. Well,…
I’m watching Superman II over at my friend Kevin’s house. We’ve come to a shocking conclusion! Hector Elizondo must’ve traveled back in time to be play the role of General Zod!
Hopefully you get that headline joke. I was quite conflicted on whether to include the parentheses explanation. But I think I made the right decision. Tonight on The Apprentice, a bunch of dorky white guys got to sing/rap/amuse me for a lifetime with Wyclef Jean as their reward for winning the challenge. It sounded ten…
Has anyone else noticed the explosion in popularity of this term? Everyone’s saying it. I caught myself almost saying it once. “That how I … uh … function” is how it ended up coming out. I don’t want to be a bandwagon “that’s how I roll” abuser. But you have to have something to substitute…