I’ve always thought way too many voters make their choices on team mentality. When George W. Bush ran against John Kerry, many people cited the “beer test” for where their vote would go. Who would be more fun to have a beer with? That’s who you would vote for. Almost as bad, is this weird [...]
Matt Stooks.com
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Monthly Archives October 2007
Procrastinators rejoice!
If you haven’t put a Halloween costume together, Robert Goulet just handed you the perfect costume on a platter. You see, when Goulet was in a hospital waiting for a lung transplant, he didn’t really give you much to work with. What’re you going to do? Dress up like Goulet in a hospital gown? Boring. [...]
Thoughts on Halloween
1. Are you too old to trick or treat? You usually reach an age where you become “too cool” for Halloween. This typically occurs around the age of 13. A couple of years pass. You turn 16 and realize the value of free candy. It’s at this point that you must decide whether free candy [...]
Another reason to hate Grey’s Anatomy
The New York Times is trying to give credit to “Grey’s Anatomy” for inventing the word “vajayjay.” It began on Feb. 12, 2006, when viewers of the ABC series “Grey’s Anatomy” heard the character Miranda Bailey, a pregnant doctor who had gone into labor, admonish a male intern, “Stop looking at my vajayjay.” I can’t [...]
Are you qualified?
From craigslist: Write porn reviews, get free dvds and get rewarded Seeking adult dvd reviewers in exchange for free DVDs and/or free access to online videos. Uh, so what are the requirements for this position? I’m sure not just any man can come off the street and do such a job. I can’t say I’ve [...]
You will vote Kucinich, and you will like it!
Since most of us are too dumb and/or lazy to figure it out ourselves, several websites let you enter your stance on different political topics, and spit out a list ranking the presidential candidates. That’s assuming you know what ANWR Drilling, Kyoto and Net Neutrality mean. Check it out here. It’s non-partisan and the code [...]
Next year’s Halloween costume
Okay, I ended up costumeless for last night’s Halloween party. It was a little awkward at first, but a dozen Miller High Life Lite’s seemed to improve the situation. I relied heavily on the beard. If people asked, I told them I was Al from Home Improvement. They then chastised me for not wearing a [...]
Lipitor conflict of interest?
Lipitor has a commercial based on an endorsement from Richard Jarvik, inventor of the artificial heart. But wouldn’t you say the inventor of the artificial heart would want people’s hearts to fail so he can put a baboon heart in them? And, I’ve yet to meet a single person with an artificial heart. It’s hardly [...]
Age of consent
She didn’t serve us, but we had the pleasure of checking out quite the waitress at Chelley’s Mexican Restaurant last night. Then, someone pointed out that they thought she was likely too young. Then, there were the braces. So yeah, she was probably a bit too young. But Jon insisted that if a woman looks [...]
Halloween costumes
I’m screwed. I need a costume for tonight, and I have no clue what to do. Children’s costumes usually fit me to comedic effect, but I’m thinking that’s a little played out. I have a beard now, so I’ve been trying to think of ways to brainstorm off that, but all I’m coming up with [...]
Notes from Game 2 of the World Series
Boyz II Men shocked the world when they sang “God Bless America” during the seventh-inning stretch. How did Boston land that act? Seriously, though, what’s with all the gratuitous America loving? The Star Spangled Banner is more than enough. Here’s a compromise: hand out American flag lapel pins to the first 15,000 fans, and don’t [...]
iPhone: For Morons
Have you seen the new iPhone ads with the douches talking about why they needed an iPhone? One particular ad annoys the hell out of me. The guy talks about how he had to carry a bag around to hold all of his electronic devices. Yes, I’ve done the same, but this guy’s reasoning is [...]
Two minutes on the DMV
(2:06 podcast) A phone response from my post on the DMV. If you ever see a topic you’d like to call on, just look to see if “I’m Online” is lit up on the right side of the home page, and we’ll talk it out. If I’m not online, feel free to leave a voicemail. [...]
I’m confused, celebrities!
Keanu Reeves has me concerned about global warming. But Bonnie Raitt is telling me nuclear power, a key way to fight gloabal warming, is no good. My head’s going to explode from the inner conflict! Keanu? Raitt? Who will win the battle for my mind? BTW, I hate to say it, but I really think [...]
Go away, Paris
From Newsweek Ms. Hilton Gets Serious. Please Stop Laughing. Rich girl. Party animal. Jailbird. America’s No. 1 heir-head wants to get out of the bimbo business. And here’s Paris’ “You can’t see it, but my legs aren’t wide open in this pose” pose. “Can I move now? My crabs are itchy.” She’s shooting a movie [...]
People’s Sexiest Fan Alive
Check out the losers on People’s Sexiest Fan Alive. Of course, the Red Sox fan is in first place. Here’s my write-in choice: Disqualified for choosing the Quaker Oats as his team By the way, I’ve been informed that Wilford Brimley could eventually infringe on Chuck Norris as most-used crutch for jokes. So you know, [...]
I’m not banging your daughter
I got a couple of weird phone calls this morning. First, a woman called looking for Famous Dave’s. Ten minutes later, a man called, also looking for Famous Dave’s. I told both they had the wrong number. Then, I get a call from the dude’s number again. I was sitting at the DMV by this [...]
The DMV
I went to the DMV to get my tags renewed today. My Corolla was registered in Riley County, and I needed to change it to Johnson, so there wasn’t much I could do to avoid a physical visit to the DMV. People who go to the DMV have problems. Don’t believe me? Then why is [...]
Lonely Ferrigno
All this Goulet talk has me thinking about Lou Ferrigno. “I’m twice the size of Chris Benoit, and I never even killed a kitten!”
