Who was last night’s big winner? If you guessed K-State, you’re wrong. It’s this guy: He was at Charlie Hooper’s for the KU-K-State game last night. He has an awesome tattoo of a watch under his watch, but he has an even better shirt. Things To Do: 1. Your Sister 2. Your Mom You gotta…
Have you heard about The Snub? Hillary reached for Barack’s hand at the State of the Union and struck out. The media has been using this photo as proof of the snub. Barack says he was talking to someone else at the time. Hillary is obviously talking to Ted Kennedy at the time, so this…
I didn’t know what I would buy when I walked into QuikTrip tonight. I was hoping to avoid taquitos if at all possible. Then, I saw it. I don’t frequent QuikTrip enough to know when this Hot-Pocket-style bread stick came into being, but it looked more than appetizing. They had three options: cheese, pepperoni or…
Dear store owner, You’ve achieved amazing symmetry with the two glass doors leading into your building. You could improve upon your feat by making both doors functional. The natural order of our country is to go right. You drive in the right lane, you go through the right door. Can you see the problems that…
Ian Guerin stops by for a podcast. Topics include: 1. The effect 25 cent PBR draws have on tipping. 2. Do restaurants spit in your food? We came up with a bit more material than I expected, so this is just a part of the conversation. I’ll post the rest later. mp3 file (14:52) Podcast:…
There’s a ton of reasons I wouldn’t run for Congress, but the State of the Union Address just might top the list. I hate giving a standing ovation, and standing ovations are thrown around like candy at the State of the Union. I just don’t think that many things deserve a standing ovation. If I…
The FCC needs someone to fine: The Federal Communications Commission on Friday said it plans to fine the Walt Disney Co’s ABC network $1.4 million for airing an episode of “NYPD Blue” in 2003 that showed a woman’s nude buttocks. I hear there’s some amazing video of the scene here. For some reason, the audio…
Why is it still so hard to find a Nintendo Wii? All the nursing homes are buying them up. Why won’t I let a grandma touch my Wii? Their pruney grandma-hands have crevices that trap all kinds of bacteria and food crums. I don’t need that on my Wii remote. Plus, they refuse to wear…
Of course, I don’t have any experience with Internet pornography. But I hear it’s doing quite well. Several popular sites are basically YouTube for porn. Vivid Entertainment does not like these sites. They keep masturbators from buying overpriced DVDs from Vivid. Most of the material comes from amateurs. But, just like YouTube, some copywrited material…
You’re all full of shit. Republicans, you won’t be cutting taxes, the Mexicans are staying, and you’re not going into Iran. Democrats, you won’t be getting health care. The market is in the toilet, our money has vanished in an endless pit in Iraq, and the money we do have isn’t worth dick. You can’t…
I was a little overwhelmed this weekend, so I wasn’t able to watch the KU-MU game until Sunday, a day late. I was talking to my friend Stephen about how great DVR is. I extolled the benefits of watching sports on DVR, so long as you don’t run into someone who spoils the result. We…
Hey, CNN. Are you going to return your analysts’ computers after the election? How about you take those stickers off your laptops. You do realize you’re on TV, right?
First, it was Chuck Norris. But now look who’s standing next to Chuck. Ric Flair campaigned with Mike Huckabee in South Carolina. Refusing to be upstaged by Flair, Chuck Norris displayed his superior political prowess when he pulled out his balls and attacked John McCain. Norris claimed presidents aged three years to every one year…
It’s awesome how you chant “bullshit” every time a charging/blocking call doesn’t go your way. Keep it up. You rule.
Most of my commentary on the Kansas City Star relates to how hard Jeffrey Flanagan blows (see here and here). In fact, despising Jeffrey Flanagan runs in the family. See my brother’s posts here. Today, I’d like to focus on the Star’s website. The Chiefs hired Chan Gailey for their offensive coordinator job Wednesday. It’s…
The University of Sheffield gives me a new study to love (bold mine): The study, reported in the Nursing Standard magazine, found all the 250 patients aged between four and 16 they quizzed disliked the use of clowns, with even the older ones finding them scary. “As adults we make assumptions about what works for…
If you have a ridiculous name, like “Mitt,” do you really want to remind people how ridiculous your name is all the time? And what are the benefits of having a baseball mitt associated with your campaign? Now that I think about it, I do love the leathery, dusty goodness of a baseball glove. Maybe…
Walmart checkout stands are usually stacked two deep. I’ve always thought that one line should filter into both checkout stands. This would allow a cleaner flow of traffic and reward those who stand in line longer. This works in theory. In reality, most people will jump to the second checkout stand if it looks like…
Many friends have reassured me that they would tell me if I had bad breath. I reassure them that I would do the same for them. This leads me to one frightening conclusion: People with consistently bad breath have no decent friends. I used to work with a girl who’s breath smelled like rotten garbage. …
I know some people who would be very disappointed to see NBC omit the howling Gladiator “Wolf” from the below web ad. NBC has gone through some tough times since “Friends” left the air. Omitting the hilariously stupid Wolf from advertisements just shows you how incompetent this network has become. “Howl.”
Where will it stop? Music-big names like Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent, Timbaland and Wyclef Jean came up in connection with an Albany, N.Y.-based steroid investigation. Music critics will surely call for asterisks next to each of 50’s bullet wounds.
First Hillary Clinton cried, and now Terrell Owens sheds some tears. T.O. is a tears tease. He cries his ass off while wearing sunglasses. That’s cheating. So what does all this mean for crying? Does having two of the most perceived bitches cry on TV make it a more acceptable public activity? I think that…
This is simply too good to actually happen: In a major role reversal, ‘American Idol’ contestants might get a chance to critique Paula Abdul’s performance for a change. The Grammy-winning artist turned ‘American Idol’ judge is in talks to perform at the Super Bowl XLII this February, TV Guide’s Michael Ausiello reports. That sounds like…
Subway Jared has been packing on the pounds. Check out this profile shot from his ridiculous appearance on CBS’ NFL Today. Obviously this ad campaign is working, otherwise Subway wouldn’t parade him all over TV. Why, despite Jared’s reoccurring girth, do people still look to him for inspiration? How many people could possibly look at…
You know those security guards in the yellow jackets at NFL games? They stare at the crowd the entire game, making sure nothing sketchy occurs. This prevents them from seeing the action behind them. This is a formula for hilarious, blind-sided takeouts when a play goes out the back of the end zone. The Colts-Chargers…
OMG!
Paula Abdul is back on the crazy pills (bold mine): A tipster who saw her in the Continental Airlines terminal told the site: “She had an insane nervous breakdown that lasted 10 minutes. One minute she was hyperventilating and on the verge of passing out; the next she was yelling into her cell phone in…
This poor woman just doesn’t photograph well. “Hey, that’s the same upholstery I’m wearing!” After tonight, Hillary will realize the perils of “point elbow.” Following hours of putting out her finger, Hillary turns white from the intestinal buildup. Someone pull it already!
Hillary Clinton, in a desperate attempt to disprove her robot heritage, got emotional on the campaign trail yesterday. Her various electronic components withstood the salty flood.
I have a new favorite study. The researchers found that playing drinking games, having a personal history of binge drinking, attending a party with many other intoxicated people, and attending a themed event all predicted higher blood alcohol levels. Maybe if these “researchers” had gone out once or twice during their college years, they could’ve…