Leo (July 23 – August 22) The situation seems pretty cut-and-dried to you, so you can’t understand why someone else is all tied up with ambiguities and alternatives. Maybe it’s time to get them tied up with rope and duct tape and thrown in the closet, instead. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) You’re positively…
Nicole Richie could have to spend five days in jail for her DUI. This is her second offense. During her 2002 arrest, she told cops she had only eaten French Fries, took a shot of vodka, and poof! She blew a .13. Cameras caught Paris Hilton’s with a powdery substance in her nose. “Would you…
We got to talking about Christmas decorations this morning. Chris put his lights up at 2 a.m. today. One listener’s mom had a frightening Santa in her collection (3:02). We heard about one guy’s fantasy pillow fight (1:31). “The Johnny Kaw Radio Show,” in typical fashion, tackled the sensitive issue of bathroom etiquette (3:15).
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Whether you’re dealing with emotional or fiscal debts, it’s important to balance the books before too long, or you could experience a real psychic, and monetary, drain. Deal with the situation honestly. Or at least lie with your fingers crossed behind your back. Cancer (June 22 – July 22)…
Nicole Richie has been spotted for the first time after her DUI arrest. She was leaving her boyfriend’s house. I think the paparazzi stood a little further back when she took off in her car this time. Don’t worry, Nicole Richie won’t let the arrest hurt her career. At this point, her career could only…
Today was one of the most random shows we’ve ever had. I had a hard time falling asleep last night and Chris is always lacking in sleep. Those two factors combined for an odd day. “Seasons Greetings from a Stooks in the Morning Listener” (0:22) “Home Alone is a logistical nightmare” (6:46) “Nicole Richie’s high…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) A substantial benefit comes your way on the job, thanks to all your hard work. No one else can shake the Cheetos out of the vending machine with such grace. Except Power Hits 97.5 newsman Dewey Terrill. Gemini (May 21 – June 21) Some people in your life have…
Nicole Richie’s been arrested for DUI. She passed a breathalyser, but told police that she smoked pot and took Vicodin. I don’t know if I’d volunteer that information. She didn’t pull a Mel and go all Hitler on the police either. She was actually quite kind. Here’s one of the 911 phone calls that led…
“Internet Addiction” seems to be a popular phrase these days. We asked our listeners for proof. Segment 1 (2:57) Segment 2 (2:14) Segment 3 (2:01) Segment 4 (1:47) Unrelated: Ice Cream in the Winter (2:12)
Leo (July 23 – August 22) Take this recent lesson to heart. You know you deserve to be center stage, but all the time? Not only is that impossible, but it’s not even desirable. Take the time to think it out, and you’ll see how very true this is. Your infant juggling career may come…
Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto was number one at the box office this weekend, with $14 million. Way to make a Jew-hater richer, everybody. What has Britney started? Mischa Barton has joined Crotchfest 2006, sporting an open fly. “No, it can’t belch the alphabet like Britney’s.” If there’s free booze, you’ll probably find Kevin Federline. Paris Hilton…
Today was another successful Free for All Friday. Segment 1 – Neverending Story (2:32) Segment 2 – Real hatred for a coworker (6:09) Segment 3 – “I’ve got dry ice to fight Global Warming” (3:01) Segment 4 – No Olive Garden? WTF? (3:10) Segment 5 – I’d rather have a Hooters (6:01) Segment 6 –…
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Dare to dream! The current celestial energies say it’s time to go for it in a major way. Ask for that raise or pursue that cutie with all the zeal and fervor you can. Actually, make sure you monitor your zeal level. Last time, your zeal over Lou Diamond…
Britney Spears acknowledges that everyone saw her vagina. “I probably did take my new found freedom too far…Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected…Thank God for Victoria’s Secrets’ new underwear line!” No mention of thanking God for her less-than-inviting cooter. Lindsay Lohan is insane. From an email she…
This morning, Chris noticed I was clean-shaven. I asked him if he thought I looked better with or without the beard. He refused to commit. We asked our listeners why straight guys have such a hard time commenting on how other straight guys look. Segment 1 (4:18) Segment 2 (1:48) Segment 3 (4:48) Segment 4…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) You know your actions were justified, but someone else may not see it that way. Acknowledge that you might have overstepped your bounds. But in the end, replacing someone’s subpar Bread and Butter pickles with the more acceptable Dill variety is just the right thing to do. Gemini (May…
Star Magazine has a copy of an email from a 20-year-old American College girl who hooked up with Vince Vaughn in Hungary. Sounds reliable. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are having a post-wedding party in L.A. this weekend, for those who couldn’t make the real wedding. No word yet on whether Oprah will show up…
A friend of mine has a stalker ex-girlfriend thanks to his use of the phrase “we can still be friends” during the breakup. Should this highly used line be retired? Segment 1 (1:57) Segment 2 (4:12) Segment 3 (3:39) Segment 4 (5:33) Segment 5 (1:12) In other show activity… Blade Velasquez called with a new…
Leo (July 23 – August 22) Right now you’re an expert in body language and hidden emotions…Much better than last week, when you were an expert in body fluid stain removal. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Ignoring a communication stalemate won’t make it go away, though that course of action might be your first…
UPDATE: Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are breaking up. Britney Spears may have backed out of the Billboard Music Awards after learning about a K-Fed skit. A successful New York plastic surgeon is offering a free tummy tuck and cosmetic surgery to Britney Spears. Seems he was disappointed by the photos, too. Britney was the…
The Collegian’s take on being single for the holidays inspired us to do a show about it. Segment 1 (3:42) Segment 2 (1:56) Segment 3 (4:06) Segment 4 (2:10) “No thanks, Colonel. I’m fine by myself.” We struggle to figure out whether a puzzle would be a good gift for Chris (1:03).
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Some timid types may be in charge of making big decisions right now, so bring out that offbeat, quirky charm of yours. That, combined with the cool logic of your choices, will have them on your side in no time. If that doesn’t work, try threatening them with a…
Britney Spears is wearing panties. “My ass likes country music.” Kevin Federline dropped by Britney’s Sunday morning, presumably visiting his children. And looking under the couch for a roach. Paris Hilton is teaching Britney Spears how to work a stripper pole. They’re practicing on the pole at Paris’ house. And the maid just bought another…
At about the halfway point in our 7-mile Joggermeister Pub “Jog,” we encountered some cracked-out woman at Kelly’s in Westport, a thriving, yet sometimes rough bar district in Kansas City. One of the girls said they even saw her snorting something in the bathroom. One of the guys in our group waved her over to…
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Even if you’re at a loss, look inward for the guidance you need to get you through this current issue. Damn, Highlights Magazine is challenging reading. Gemini (May 21 – June 21) Some information you’re missing is vital to your next enterprise, so don’t jump into a situation before…
Britney Spears turned 25 Saturday. During the day, she went to the zoo with Sean Preston. She went to dinner with some friends, one of whom gave her panties as a gift. Then, she met up with Paris Hilton at Hyde, a club so exclusive that even Jodie “Stephanie from Full House” Sweetin gets denied…
Segment 1 – Stooks shouldn’t get time off, that lazy ass!/High Lady’s friend trying to make a website (3:17). Segment 2 – Stooks does too deserve time off! (1:20) Segment 3 – College athletics blow! (1:38) Segment 4 – Maxing out (1:44) Segment 5 – Yeah, she can pull her legs behind her head, but…
Leo (July 23 – August 22) Classic business advice says to cut out the middleman, and this applies to all areas of your life right now. You’ll save time, money and stress when you tackle certain tasks yourself. Except for polar bear Slip ‘N’ Sliding, your best off being a spectator for that. Sagittarius (November…
Britney’s pantie-less tirade has scared anyone decent from hanging out with her. In fact, she’s resorted to dating Brandon Davis, the guy only famous for calling Lohan a firecrotch. Suspicious: Britney Spears went to the pharmacy twice Wednesday morning. Pregnancy test? Other health problems? Rotten vagina? Some respectable news sources are asking psychologists to weigh…
Some ridiculous consultant clown thinks Manhattan should flip the way the diagonal parking spots face on Moro. This would force you to back into the spots, giving you a clear view of oncoming traffic, all in the hopes of stopping the approximately four accidents a year along that stretch. I declared this “the worst idea…