Whoops! I pulled a CNN and forgot to turn my microphone off when I went to the bathroom. “Don’t forget to have your toilet pets spayed or neutered.” A caller talks about Cosmo polls and how John Mayer fits into the picture. Chris’ back has been messed up. Luckily, a chiropractor, without a mustache, calls [...]
Matt Stooks.com
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Monthly Archives August 2006
Stooksoscope for Thursday
AquariusYou’ve been ready for success — and finally, success is ready for you. This is thrilling — but also just the teensiest bit scary, because Bruce Villanch is the one fluffing success in the backroom so it’s ready for you when it comes out. CancerThere’s more to your life than meets the eye. Pay attention [...]
Scoop
Have you noticed how many magazines start existing each day? One called Watch! featured an altered photo of Katie Couric to make her look 20 pounds thinner than she actually is! Actually, the magazine is only available to CBS stations and American Airline passengers (no joke). “Who cares about her waist? They changed her dress!” [...]
Celebrity Duets/The Little Richard Show
First off, I went to bed at 7 last night and didn’t get a chance to watch Celebrity Duets before the show. I just got done watching it, and it is ridiculous. You have to watch this show just to get a look at Little Richard’s stroke-out sessions. He’s one of the judges. Listen to [...]
Straight into the River!
It looks like a guy was trying to kill himself and some woman by driving into the Kansas River near St. George (Between Manhattan and Wamego). Unfortunately, the four-foot deep water wasn’t enough to kill anyone. We talked about ways to die. Segment 1 – How my wife will kill meSegment 2 – HAHAHA! The [...]
Stooksoscope for Wednesday
Capricorn You could be facing a budget crunch due to some overenthusiastic spending — or some past generosity could be getting a karmic repayment. Your past finds you when you least expect it. This could go both ways, just like Anne Heche. Gemini It seems like some people are predestined to lose their cool, but [...]
Scoop
The Enquirer says Zach Braff asked Jessica Simpson to help reunite him with Mandy Moore. Unfortunately JESSICA SIMPSON HAS LOST HER ABILITY TO SPEAK!!! Jessica Simpson’s dating John Mayer. It looks legit. Check out how vampire-like John Mayer looked on The Today Show last week. Sorry, ladies. Springsteen is not separating from his wife of [...]
The Show
I got an invite to a couples’ shower that I can’t attend this weekend. This “couples’ shower” idea worries me. Segment 1 Segment 2 Guy’s thought bubble: Marriage sucks… In other show activity… Steve Schnell’s “K-State Football Report.” A guy excited about some Harry Potter-related news.
Stooksoscope for Tuesday
Leo Finding it difficult to get some time for yourself? You have to make it a priority on your own schedule — fight for it if you have to. Spend some time daydreaming, doodling or stocking up on fake Burt Reynold’s moustaches. Sagittarius Inquire within when it comes to unresolved questions. Your highly attuned instincts [...]
Stooks Scoop
I kinda want to see Andre Agassi play his last tennis matches. The US Open is on USA right now, so I thought I’d watch and see if he was on. Frightening stuff. They were putting a tribute together for Billie Jean King (definitely not Michael’s Lover). You could tell the announcers weren’t really prepared [...]
Bitch about your job Monday
From today’s K-State Collegian Classifieds: Help wanted with hog farm. Flexible hours. This inspired us to hold a little “Bitch about your job Monday” session. Segment 1 – School/No Gnomes!Segment 2 – PT Sucks/I clean poo “You should see how I ‘service’ the grease traps on special occasions.” In other show activity… Another edition of [...]
Stooksoscope for Monday
Aquarius Someone has an agenda that they’re not disguising too well. Rise to the challenge of dealing with them and their ulterior motives. Yours, of all the signs, can do it in a way that’s caring, discreet and allows for an open casket. Cancer It’s time to look at old habits and points of view [...]
Stooks Scoop
Emmy Stuff! Nice! 24 won Best Drama and Kiefer finally won Best Actor. I think the “Best Miniseries” category exists only to get the likes of Gillian Anderson out of whatever hole she’s been residing in. She didn’t look bad, either. She also didn’t win. Check out this awkward exhange between Ryan Seacrest and Leah [...]
Free for All Friday
This woman’s just a little too infatuated with John Mayer. Pluto is no longer a planet, and this guy doesn’t know what to do. Pooping in the woods. Leaving the seat up. Old Woman gives a farewall/Telling your wife you’ve got an STD. Finally, a frightening exchange involving Cindy Crawford’s mole in the Stooks Scoop. [...]
Stooksoscope for Friday
Capricorn It’s so satisfying to check off the items on your ‘to-do’ list until you reach the end. Don’t try to skip over the item about borrowing your grandpa’s weed eater to clean out your mother’s back hair. Gemini A tiny opportunity to be kind can lead to something big. Help a senior citizen go [...]
Stooks Scoop
The Hip Hop community hasn’t had good things to say about Kevin Federline’s performance at the Teen Choice Awards. K-Fed is happy with the job he did, though. “I’m happy. I think I pulled it off pretty well. (But) I’m overly critical of myself. We went straight from there and jumped in the Ferrari and [...]
Gimme that number!
I was going through my cellphone last night and found four or five girls’ numbers that I never bothered calling. Mostly it was because they were obtained during a state of intoxication that I would need to reach again to have the guts to actually use the number. We talked about the problems with exchanging [...]
Stooksoscope for Thursday
Leo Financial decisions are best put off until cooler heads can prevail. A big-ticket purchase isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, so wait before you put your money into Mark Mangino’s circulatory system. Sagittarius Usually you’re the definition of acceptance, but some celestial influences might release your inner critic. But be gentle when you [...]
Stooks Scoop
Osama’s former sex slave showed up on MSNBC today. Here’s a quick, creepy soundbyte. I knew this was coming: the real reasons Tom Cruise isn’t with Paramount anymore. Mostly, it’s the fact that he made 20% of each film’s gross that cost him. But still, bonus points for being creepy. Survivor’s latest gimmick? Dividing the [...]
Back to the studio
It’s nice to be back in the studio after a couple days on campus. We missed our callers and air conditioning. When I got back home after our broadcast yesterday, one of those door-to-door magazine salesmen who’s pitch starts with “can I get your vote” came to my door. He had some severe “meth mouth” [...]
