Leo (July 23 – August 22) Why not give yourself the gift of care and attention? Once you do, you’ll see why no one else wants to. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Happiness is a state of mind. It’s not dictated by outward circumstances or an outward belly button. Taurus (April 20 – May…
Anna Nicole’s nanny says Anna Nicole underfed her Dannielynn so her baby would be “sexy.” Just as long as she didn’t violate her TRIMSPA contract by giving the baby Slimfast, I’m cool. One of Anna Nicole’s doctor friends prescribed Methadone to Anna Nicole through a false name while she was eight months pregnant. If I…
Fat Anna Nicole wouldn’t get this kind of respect (5:37) How to kill Valentine’s 1 (3:35) How to kill Valentine’s 2 (3:30) How to kill Valentine’s 3 (4:02) How to kill Valentine’s 4 (3:41) How to kill Valentine’s 5 (1:11) High Lady Valentine wish (4:40) Anna Nicole and Omaha Steaks in the same dry ice!…
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Slow and steady does the trick. In fact, it gets you to the top of the mountain. Whew! Yet after all that effort, you’re not even winded. Barry Bonds sure hooked you up. Unfortunately, he didn’t give you the ability to explain away the now-watermelon-like object sitting on your…
Anna Nicole is involved in a new custody suit: the one for her body. Her mom wants to bury Anna Nicole, but two court orders prevent her body from getting out of the fridge. One of Anna Nicole’s bodyguards says he could be the baby daddy. At this point, don’t you need to have some…
Newsman Dewey: Predator (1:09) Two Percent Body Fat (1:52) Viewer Mail Roundup (5:04) Time to Draw and Quarter a Groundhog (2:19) The Anna Nicole Incest Theory (0:57)
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) If anyone knows how to go the distance, it’s you. People marvel at your stamina, and it’s true — right now you feel like you could go on forever. Just don’t forget the Fire Sauce. You tend to do that when inebriated. Gemini (May 21 – June 21) The…
Howard K. Stern may be getting $1 million for his interview with Entertainment Tonight. Police in the Bahamas reinterviewed Stern Monday morning about the death of Anna Nicole’s son. Nothing like dying to get people working on your legal problems. A newspaper in the Bahamas published these photos of Anna Nicole and the Bahamas’ immigration…
“Grammy Roundup” (4:23) Rita Cosby has an exclusive with Poof Poof, a potential Anna Nicole Baby Daddy (4:18). The Anna Nicole Tragedy? 1 (5:54) The Anna Nicole Tragedy? 2 (5:08) The Anna Nicole Tragedy? 3 (1:50) The Naked Gun 33 1/3 Curse (4:18)
Leo (July 23 – August 22) Sometimes, quitting while you’re ahead is actually the best thing you can do to ensure your future progress. In other words, quit “Rock, Paper, Scissors” the second you’re up. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Working hard or hardly working? Actually, while others think you’re having fun, you’re actually…
Inside Anna Nicole’s Refrigerator of Death: Slimfast, yogurt and methadone. I guess we can rule out “spoiled methadone” as a cause of death. Recent plastic surgery may have killed her, instead. Queen of Anna Nicole Knowledge Rita Cosby says Anna Nicole had her boobs redone. Howard K. Stern is mourning, but happy to take cash…
Stooks Voicemail: LOST Theory (1:33) Putting up with your gassy friend (0:49) Missing Anna Nicole’s cans (3:32) Don’t steal this guy’s stuff out of the nursing home (1:54) Septum Girl (2:53) Anna Nicole murdered? (2:16) Oh. The old man did die before Anna Nicole? (3:57) What do I get my boyfriend for Valentines? (3:58) But…
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) The how and why of your behavior is a constantly evolving mystery. It seems like the more you delve into your psyche, the more layers and secrets you find. That’s all part of the fun, until you find the layer with your grandma’s inappropriate touching. Surely she knew how…
Anna Nicole Smith collapsed and died at the Hardrock Motel in Florida. Nothing makes you feel bad about making fun of and/or suing someone than them dying on you. She was 39. No hard feelings between Britney Spears and male model Isaac Cohen. Now they’re saying he ended the relationship because their schedules never line…
Jeri Anne has an old woman story! (4:14) The Old Woman is mad at Jeri Anne (3:10) “How the teens are cheating in school” 1 (4:43) “How the teens are cheating in school” 2 (0:52) Stooks warns Jeri Anne about stalkers. (2:51) Jeri Anne thinks American Idol is rigged…as a makeover show! (3:50)
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Honesty is definitely the best policy in this situation. Expect some bewildered looks as you explain why you felt the need to run through Aggieville wearing only a liberal amount of brownie batter. Gemini (May 21 – June 21) Your surface is bright and sparkly, but underneath there are…
Miss USA returned to work for Donald Trump Tuesday. She’s modeling for his new catering company. She won’t comment on the Donald-Rosie feud, but you have to imagine Rosie is steamed about Trump moving in on her territory: food. Check out Britney’s new hat. “I can guard something Russian now, right?” Britney was partying with…
Psycho like a NASA chick 1 (4:08) Psycho like a NASA chick 2 (2:00) Psycho like a NASA chick 3 (4:54) American Idol Roundup – Simon and Randy fight over a hot 16 year old, reject a chick for her face, and why you should never shake Paula’s hand (5:46).
Leo (July 23 – August 22) Striking up a conversation is like playing music with someone: you have to allow yourself to get into the rhythm. Sure, there’ll be some fits and starts, but hang in there. After a while, you two will find your groove. Although, onlookers might think you’re a bit off for…
Anna Nicole and TRIMSPA are being sued. TRIMSPA for being bogus. Anna Nicole for pitching it and making it look like you could totally catch a buzz using it. Mike Tyson is at the same rehab facility as Lindsay Lohan. She’s still the worse resident, somehow. Tom Cruise has been talking to Ben Stiller about…
Bill Clinton’s speaking at K-State March 2nd. The Iraqi woman’s concerned (3:03) “We need to prepare” (1:52) “Women can’t resist his allure” (3:55) Deviated septums (0:32) The High Lady’s new posse wants Stooks to strap it on? (4:13) Idiot dogs and their idiot owners (4:25)
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) An odd duck just needs you to make way for them so they can feel at home. You’re just the ambassador who can translate his or her strangeness for the people. Not everyone will know that this person fanning their armpits is a sign of endearment. Cancer (June 22…
Britney Spears spent the weekend at Fashion Week, observing…not vagina flashing. They didn’t catch her drinking, but TMZ.com found Lindsay Lohan barhopping with Paris Hilton this weekend. I’m not sure why we needed confirmation on this, but Ron Jeremy says he did indeed show his schlong to Paris Hilton. An Israeli-Palestinian peace group is trying…
This year’s Super Bowl controversy (3:07) Fighting over the Super Bowl (4:47) Lonely Super Bowl (0:43) Super Bowl: Women know stuff, too! (2:18) Jeri Anne kills an old woman? (3:15) “So drunk, I almost fell down the stairs. So, I drove home.” (1:34)
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Hmmm. Why do you keep running into you-know-who? Taking it nice and easy helps you see how a new person can fit into your life. Time to un-retire your Pog collection. Gemini (May 21 – June 21) The stars go out of their way to make sure the channels…
Britney Spears has been wearing her boyfriend’s Star of David necklace, leading some to speculate on a conversion to Judaism. She likes the word “kosher.” Kevin Federline demanded a room upgrade in Miami for the Super Bowl. He said his hotel room wasn’t big enough for all his women. He would also need an industrial…
Experimenting with guinea pigs (1:53) Shawls, landlords and global warming (4:51) Courtney Love (2:23) Where’s that Matt Stooks fellow? (3:05) Drawn, quartered, and tips for Jeri Anne (2:46) How minimum wage will kill the dollar menu (3:10) Where can I stare at Jeri Anne? (1:51)
Leo (July 23 – August 22) There’s no need to ask where the party is — the party is wherever you are. Unfortunately, no one ever attends. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) A few tasks have fallen by the wayside while you’ve been concentrating on more important matters: body hair sculpting. Taurus (April 20…
Michael Jackson’s kids were walking around without masks in Vegas yesterday. Seems like the right place to do it. Miss USA won’t be posing for Playboy. They can probably PhotoShop her various body parts together for something similar, though. Rather than wear something reasonable, Britney Spears cups her nips to hide them from cameras. “Could…
Flaming mail truck 1 (2:38) Flaming mail truck 2 (2:33) Ugly dudes get with hot chicks, but not vice versa 1 (6:10) Ugly dudes get with hot chicks, but not vice versa 2 (4:12) Ugly dudes get with hot chicks, but not vice versa 3 (4:23) Ugly dudes get with hot chicks, but not vice…