Whoops! I pulled a CNN and forgot to turn my microphone off when I went to the bathroom. “Don’t forget to have your toilet pets spayed or neutered.” A caller talks about Cosmo polls and how John Mayer fits into the picture. Chris’ back has been messed up. Luckily, a chiropractor, without a mustache, calls…
AquariusYou’ve been ready for success — and finally, success is ready for you. This is thrilling — but also just the teensiest bit scary, because Bruce Villanch is the one fluffing success in the backroom so it’s ready for you when it comes out. CancerThere’s more to your life than meets the eye. Pay attention…
Have you noticed how many magazines start existing each day? One called Watch! featured an altered photo of Katie Couric to make her look 20 pounds thinner than she actually is! Actually, the magazine is only available to CBS stations and American Airline passengers (no joke). “Who cares about her waist? They changed her dress!”…
First off, I went to bed at 7 last night and didn’t get a chance to watch Celebrity Duets before the show. I just got done watching it, and it is ridiculous. You have to watch this show just to get a look at Little Richard’s stroke-out sessions. He’s one of the judges. Listen to…
It looks like a guy was trying to kill himself and some woman by driving into the Kansas River near St. George (Between Manhattan and Wamego). Unfortunately, the four-foot deep water wasn’t enough to kill anyone. We talked about ways to die. Segment 1 – How my wife will kill meSegment 2 – HAHAHA! The…
Capricorn You could be facing a budget crunch due to some overenthusiastic spending — or some past generosity could be getting a karmic repayment. Your past finds you when you least expect it. This could go both ways, just like Anne Heche. Gemini It seems like some people are predestined to lose their cool, but…
The Enquirer says Zach Braff asked Jessica Simpson to help reunite him with Mandy Moore. Unfortunately JESSICA SIMPSON HAS LOST HER ABILITY TO SPEAK!!! Jessica Simpson’s dating John Mayer. It looks legit. Check out how vampire-like John Mayer looked on The Today Show last week. Sorry, ladies. Springsteen is not separating from his wife of…
I got an invite to a couples’ shower that I can’t attend this weekend. This “couples’ shower” idea worries me. Segment 1 Segment 2 Guy’s thought bubble: Marriage sucks… In other show activity… Steve Schnell’s “K-State Football Report.” A guy excited about some Harry Potter-related news.
Leo Finding it difficult to get some time for yourself? You have to make it a priority on your own schedule — fight for it if you have to. Spend some time daydreaming, doodling or stocking up on fake Burt Reynold’s moustaches. Sagittarius Inquire within when it comes to unresolved questions. Your highly attuned instincts…
I kinda want to see Andre Agassi play his last tennis matches. The US Open is on USA right now, so I thought I’d watch and see if he was on. Frightening stuff. They were putting a tribute together for Billie Jean King (definitely not Michael’s Lover). You could tell the announcers weren’t really prepared…
From today’s K-State Collegian Classifieds: Help wanted with hog farm. Flexible hours. This inspired us to hold a little “Bitch about your job Monday” session. Segment 1 – School/No Gnomes!Segment 2 – PT Sucks/I clean poo “You should see how I ‘service’ the grease traps on special occasions.” In other show activity… Another edition of…
Aquarius Someone has an agenda that they’re not disguising too well. Rise to the challenge of dealing with them and their ulterior motives. Yours, of all the signs, can do it in a way that’s caring, discreet and allows for an open casket. Cancer It’s time to look at old habits and points of view…
Emmy Stuff! Nice! 24 won Best Drama and Kiefer finally won Best Actor. I think the “Best Miniseries” category exists only to get the likes of Gillian Anderson out of whatever hole she’s been residing in. She didn’t look bad, either. She also didn’t win. Check out this awkward exhange between Ryan Seacrest and Leah…
This woman’s just a little too infatuated with John Mayer. Pluto is no longer a planet, and this guy doesn’t know what to do. Pooping in the woods. Leaving the seat up. Old Woman gives a farewall/Telling your wife you’ve got an STD. Finally, a frightening exchange involving Cindy Crawford’s mole in the Stooks Scoop.…
Capricorn It’s so satisfying to check off the items on your ‘to-do’ list until you reach the end. Don’t try to skip over the item about borrowing your grandpa’s weed eater to clean out your mother’s back hair. Gemini A tiny opportunity to be kind can lead to something big. Help a senior citizen go…
The Hip Hop community hasn’t had good things to say about Kevin Federline’s performance at the Teen Choice Awards. K-Fed is happy with the job he did, though. “I’m happy. I think I pulled it off pretty well. (But) I’m overly critical of myself. We went straight from there and jumped in the Ferrari and…
I was going through my cellphone last night and found four or five girls’ numbers that I never bothered calling. Mostly it was because they were obtained during a state of intoxication that I would need to reach again to have the guts to actually use the number. We talked about the problems with exchanging…
Leo Financial decisions are best put off until cooler heads can prevail. A big-ticket purchase isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, so wait before you put your money into Mark Mangino’s circulatory system. Sagittarius Usually you’re the definition of acceptance, but some celestial influences might release your inner critic. But be gentle when you…
Osama’s former sex slave showed up on MSNBC today. Here’s a quick, creepy soundbyte. I knew this was coming: the real reasons Tom Cruise isn’t with Paramount anymore. Mostly, it’s the fact that he made 20% of each film’s gross that cost him. But still, bonus points for being creepy. Survivor’s latest gimmick? Dividing the…
It’s nice to be back in the studio after a couple days on campus. We missed our callers and air conditioning. When I got back home after our broadcast yesterday, one of those door-to-door magazine salesmen who’s pitch starts with “can I get your vote” came to my door. He had some severe “meth mouth”…
Aquarius All eyes are on you thanks to your charisma. The fact that you have a Lion’s Den accessory attached to your forward might be part of the reason, too. Cancer Your instincts will lead you to some great victories right now, so get involved in any competitions now. Whether it’s a three-legged race, a…
Paramount Pictures has dumped Tom Cruise’s production company. They say it’s due to his off-screen behavior. No one puts their feet on Oprah’s couch, and that includes Tom Cruise. Paris Hilton: “I haven’t accepted money from my parents since I was 18. I worked my ass off. I’ve done it all on my own.” With…
CapricornWhen you’re around the right people, you can make faster progress than you’d think possible. Meth dealers just seem to have that effect on you. GeminiOne of your most valuable skills is your ability to learn on the fly. You may see yourself as scrambling to catch up, but that’s far from the truth. You’re…
Osama bin Laden is a big Whitney Houston fan. Follow that link and prepare for one of the weirdest stories ever. Apparently one of his former sex slaves has written an autobiography. She’s from America. So Osama kept asking her if she personally knew Whitney. She told him “no.” He went on to explain that…
LeoCrowds are definitely not doing it for you right now. You need solitude to contemplate some changes that you have to make. You also need solitude when singing your favorite “New Kids on the Block” tunes. Especially since your singing talents are only slightly better than Donnie Walberg’s. SagittariusSomeone’s picking up on the unconscious distress…
Quick note: We’ll be doing the show on the K-State campus Monday and Tuesday. Come by and say hey. We’ll even take the show an extra hour. However, this means we probably won’t have much audio for the web these days. On to the Scoop… Shocker! It was still #1, but Snakes on a Plane…
Millions of people will be disappointed today after seeing Snakes on a Plane. Far less will be disappointed by… Snake on a Phone. Snakes on a Plane influenced “Free for All Friday,” as well. This guy isn’t happy about it at all. “Bring it Sam Jackson!!!” Other Free For All Friday Highlights… This girl’s roommate…
Aquarius You have an unwavering commitment to improving this world. It’s not a corny or impractical sentiment at all, but a fascinating puzzle. You’ve got innovative ideas on how to improve things for everyone here: wear a Richard Nixon mask. Cancer Regularly schedule time to appreciate all the joys in your life from the small…
Mel Gibson pleaded “No Contest” to his DUI case. He’ll be on probation for three years, go to a drug/alcohol education thing, and community service teaching teens how to take a mug shot photo. “Freedom!!!!! From horrifying mug shots.” Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson might be dating. Boring Beyonce went on a maple syrup diet…
So, Britney Spears says her current pregnancy was kind of accidental. We talked about how, in the future, her kid will be pleased to stumble upon that tidbit, as well as her “time travel” session with Kevin Federline (scroll down a couple posts to watch that video). This got us talking about some of the…