Paris Hilton got punched in the face Tuesday night by Shanna Moakler, an former Dancing With The Stars contestant. Shanna used to date Travis Barker from Blink 182. Paris hooked up with him recently, so Shanna got up in Paris’ face. Then, Paris ex Stavros Niarchos supposedly poured a drink on Shanna and threw her…
I was tempted by a hot girl buying cheese while wearing a Royals shirt in Walmart yesterday. I was too chicken to approach her, though. This morning, we discussed picking up at Walmart. Segment 1 – “I got my cheese and she walked out of my life forever” (3:33).Segment 2 – “What about your grandkids?”…
Capricorn Sometimes resting is its own form of exercise. Initially you may scoff at that, but learning how to truly relax and shrug off the everyday burdens of tension is an art: an art well-suited to your meticulous dismembering technique. Gemini Learn to admit when you made a mistake. Next, go to the parties who…
That photographer who says he’s the real baby daddy has filed a paternity suit against Anna Nicole Smith. She will have to return to California for the test. He’s worried about the “health and safety of the child” in the company of Anna Nicole. “Like my baby?” Katie Couric has fallen all the way to…
I’ve decided to start paying extra and drop my laundry off at the laundromat so I don’t have to deal with it. One of my concerns is some greazy guy with a bad stash smelling my undies. In fact, I don’t want any man doing my laundry. Any man who does other people’s laundry for…
Leo Variety spices up your life if you let it. Just make sure you have some Pepto-Bismol handy. Sagittarius One of your greatest gifts is your ability to believe: in yourself, in possibility and, most of all, in UFOs. The stars just love your tinfoil spaceman suit you devised to greet the visitors. Taurus A…
Paris Hilton’s ass was hanging out at a release party for Janet Jackson’s new CD. “Top that, Lohan!” Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, is dating Lance Armstrong. He’s also been linked to Paris Hilton. Honestly, who hasn’t slept with her, yet? George Clooney plans to trick the paparazzi by dating a different actress each night. Trick…
This weekend, I missed a key opportunity for some good video when some jugglers from K-State took a pen out of my mouth as I stood between them while they juggled. Vowing to never let this happen again, I headed to Target to find a good bag for my camcorder. When I was checking out,…
Aquarius No one, but no one can bring the wacky the way you can. Except you know that your ideas are far from wacky — it’s just that everyone else is so hopelessly boring! I mean, come on, who wouldn’t appreciate a sweater woven from 100% American back hair. Cancer The inner worth of a…
Dustin Diamond says he isn’t involved with the release of his Dirty Sanchez technique to the world. He says he and his friends make sex tapes and they try to keep one-upping each other. The gambling site BetUS.com is in the lead to own the rights and distribute the tape, at a rumored cost of…
Another Free for All Friday, where our callers get to talk about whatever they want. “Barracks Whores” (3:33). “Custard Hill” (2:02). “Speak English!” (1:35) “How much English do you need to tell if someone’s dying?” (1:51). “Carlos Mencia sucks” and “Paris Hilton interrupting bill O’Reilly” (2:56). “I’ll fart in your face!” (3:44) The new Blade…
Capricorn You know that saying about ‘all work and no play,’ and what that imbalance can do to people? Make sure you do something that puts the sparkle in your eye, whether it’s running through the grass, taking a trip, or loosening the tops of the parmesan jars at the pizza place. Gemini Get out…
Right in the middle of some serious baby daddy drama, Anna Nicole Smith married her lawyer Thursday. That’ll be a healthy relationship. Pete Doherty’s been spotted buying syringes. We’d normally not care about the singer for the Babyshambles, but he just got back with Kate Moss. He bought two syringes. How sweet, a “his” and…
Chris was wearing a hoodie during the show today. He even went as far as to have the hood up with his headphones on the outside of the hood. I have conflicting views on the hoodie, and it let to a lengthy discussion. I didn’t realize people were so passionate about the hoodie. Segment 1…
Leo Be willing to learn and take a chance at whatever opportunity comes your way. Encounters with new cultures open your eyes to numerous possibilities. Fortune cookies taste good, too! Sagittarius Simple coincidence? The stars say no way! They also say “man, I’m really gassy.” Taurus Reenergize your sense of connection to the world. See…
Get ready to see Screech perform the Dirty Sanchez and experiment with other bodily fluids. I’m not joking. There’s a 40 minute sex tape, “Saved by the Smell” (still not kidding). Someone actually owns the rights to what sounds like a really filthy video, and is looking for a distributor. “You probably thought you’d see…
So, there was a potential creep going around Aggieville this weekend with a digital camera. I witnessed him approach a group of girls at O’Malley’s with his camera, say “You’re gorgeous. Can I take a picture with you?” We discussed. Segment 1 – “Lookin’ for skin” (1:42).Segment 2 – “I know what he’s doing with…
AquariusRevelations are just around the corner, ranging from the small to the large. Brace yourself, because big news about your favorite brand of rock tumbler will change your worldview forever. CancerYou’re so generous that you try to respond to people’s requests — even if they’re not quite sure what they want. Smile and nod as…
Michael Jackson and Debbie Rowe are close to a custody agreement over their children. Their agreement? To make sure their kids have the most frightening existence of all time. Paris Hilton has been officially charged for DUI. Now, back to whorin’. Corey Haim and Corey Feldman are getting back together for a show on A&E.…
We talked about one of the most divisive issues facing America: the moped. Segment 1 – Harley Envy (1:55).Segment 2 – Moped driver…and proud of it (1:37)Segment 3 – Salina’s “Old People on Mopeds” problem (2:09). “What?” In other show activity… “Someone stole my gnome!!!” (2:25) “Spinach Roulette” (3:19).
Capricorn You shoot from the hip and speak from the heart, but it may be time to suspend talks, as the person you’re talking to speaks from the gastrointestinal tract. Gemini Evaluate your surroundings. Are you where you’re supposed to be? Okay, but you’ve been lurking around the bras in Walmart for 40 minutes now.…
Mel Gibson is speaking out against the war in Iraq. Not enough Jews being inconvenienced. “Idiots! That country has hardly any Jews!” It’s official: there will be a Federline-Britney duet, “Crazy,” on Kevin’s new CD. The CD, out on Halloween, is called “Playing with Fire.” I’m still praying for Paris Hilton to write an autobiographical…
Pretty odd topic today. 10:30 Friday night, Chris’ dad received a message from some guy who goes on to sing for a minute and a half to “Lisa.” He even drops the phrase “I want you to be me wife.” We discussed whether Chris’ dad needs to call the dude back and tell him his…
Leo You’ve got someone under your skin — and frankly, it’s pretty irritating. Having a full grown person protruding as a goiter out of the side of your neck can be quite uncomfortable. Sagittarius Being irresistible isn’t exactly a foreign concept for you, but the stars give your magnetism extra heft these days. People fall…
Rumors are back that Julia Roberts will try to have twins again soon. The best thing about it? It gives us an opportunity to show you Chris’ Julia Roberts impersonation: Mel Gibson wore a mask and wig so reporters wouldn’t see him arrive to a screening of his new movie, Apocalypto. Can you say “Rabbi…
This caller hates “Game Day” traffic (2:37). Cheap gas and broken feet (4:58). Teen drivers, bad gay guy impression, the High Lady on the Japanese getting back at us for dropping the bomb (5:11). “I have to have video games so I don’t blow up real people” and “Ladies keeping their ‘junk’ to themselves” (3:00).…
Aquarius You know that saying about spending money to make money? You’ll soon find an opportunity to bring in more cash, though expenses will increase. Although, it doesn’t cost much to get a homeless guy to hand out your “Three weeks to better body hair grooming” guide. Cancer It may be time to reset your…
Michael Jackson wants to open a Leprechaun theme park in Ireland. Once he fools someone into giving him money, I’m sure that will be quite the creepy adventure. Five Star Vintage clothing has re-signed Kevin Federline to be the “Face of Five Star!” Isn’t that a little shocking? They chose him because of his “renegade…
This “Dear Abby” inspired us to talk about the Dirty Old Man. Segment 1 – Sex at the nursing home (2:26). Segment 2 – We’re not too old to “boff” (2:16). Segment 3 – Old man teeth (4:03). Segment 4 – Old man at the bar shows off his gums (2:28). “Feel like vomiting in…
Capricorn Stop fretting — that news you’ve been waiting for is on the way, and it’s spectacular: that kid from the zoom, zoom commercial has been abducted by a Michael Jackson associate. Gemini The universe has a funny way of delivering gifts in the most unexpected wrapping paper: a flaming brown paper bag. And the…