I had a 45 minute conversation with “The Old Man Who Refuses To Say ‘Hi'” yesterday. I learned many life lessons.
Learning with old people 1 (3:12)
Learning with old people 2 (2:56)
Learning with old people 3 (3:03)
Learning with old people 4 (2:28)
Hoff says a bad experience with fast food stopped him from performing in The Producers last month. Helpful tip: you really shouldn’t eat it off the floor.
Paris Hilton has officially filed her notice to appeal her jail sentence. It’s probably the police’s fault anyway, as Paris says they pull her over just to hit on her.
Meanwhile, lunch at her potential prison is typically baloney, breakfast is a boiled egg. She won’t be allowed makeup. How will she cover up all the sores? She might not want to: there’s a group of “very masculine lesbians” there.
Ty Pennington is apologizing for getting a DUI over the weekend. Surprisingly, it was just for alcohol. Surely that’s not all he’s on. Speaking of which, Lindsay Lohan: cokehead?
Kevin Costner is a baby making machine: he became a father for the 5th time. Just imagine if he joined forces with Brit.
Someone submitted a video of Sanjaya playing with Sour Patch Kids for the I Love New York casting call. It’s a spinoff of Flava of Love, if you’re unfamiliar. Sanjy must’ve meant to audition for Flav’s show, instead.
We talked about weather today. Not usually an exciting topic, but a 1.7 mile wide, 200 mile-per-hour tornado wiping out Greensburg seemed to help. I posted a picture from Greensburg below, but you should check out more of the overhead shots.
Paris Hilton says her 45 day jail sentence is unfair and “I don’t deserve this.” It seems a bit much for driving with a suspended license, but she deserves something. Maybe they could just put a chastity bracelet on her goods.
Paris’ mom is pretty pissed about the whole deal. She told the prosecutor “this is pathetic.” Later, she said “I can’t believe all the money we’ve spent on this.” She didn’t specify whether “this” means the legal hearings or just Paris in general.
Paris will likely spend little actual time in jail, despite her sentence. “Lost” actor Michelle Rodriguez spent two hours in the same jail, even though she was sentenced to 60 days for the same offense as Paris. Overcrowding and her plague-like pantie crickets will likely get Paris similar treatment.
Even Lindsay Lohan feels bad for Paris. Now, if she could just address Herbie Fully Loaded.
Jada Pinkett Smith believes Katie Holmes still has free will…twice a day to use the can.
If celebrity fashion trends mean anything to you, we can expect high-waisted “mom jeans” to make a comeback. Britney Spears did not contribute to this trend.
Kid Rock says he had a confrontation with Anna Nicole at last year’s Kentucky Derby. Anna had cameras following her around for a TV show, and Kid was a little annoyed. They cursed at each other a whole lot, he called her a pig, all in front of his son. When Kid got home, he found out Anna gave his kid $300 to apologize. He said “That blond girl with the big boobs gave it to me.” Does that rule out Pam Anderson?
Spiderman 3 is selling out four times faster than Spiderman 2. It set a new record for an opening weekend at $150 million.
Here’s a fun, new statue of Kate Moss. Should Britney sue for the statue infringing on her signature pose?
It’s a unique animation/narration of a soldier’s experience in Iraq. Only four minutes. Worth watching.
The War In Iraq: A Soldiers Perspective – Brought to you by Break.com Video Search
Lindsay Lohan is planning on making the most of her 21st birthday in July, when she can finally get into clubs. She lives a rough life.
Prosecutors want Paris Hilton to spend 45 days in jail for driving with a suspended license. She has a court date tomorrow. When will the tabloid lobbyists step in to stop this nonsense?
Britney Spears can chew gum and lip sync at the same time. Meanwhile, you can imagine her nips…
Rosie O’Donnell made Time’s 100 Most Influential People list.
David Beckham’s 32nd birthday party reunited all the Spice Girls, minus Sporty. Why must she deprive the American public the reunion they so rightly demand?
R. Kelly wrote a song for the victims of Virginia Tech. Were they peed on, too?
Cops pulled over Britney Spears tour bus on the way to her comeback show at the House of Blues in San Diego. The bus was causing a bit of a traffic jam. Britney must’ve thrown a “pressed ham” at the window.
Katie Holmes might be a little too flirtatious with a co-star from Mad Money. Will Tom have to chain her to the Xena statue again?
Scary Spice is taking Eddie Murphy to court to get a paternity test. Will a transsexual step forward to testify that Eddie was in herm’s company the night of the alleged conceiving?
Rosie says she’s backing off her political fights with Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View, thanks to Lis’z fetus. So, if you ever want to win an argument with Rosie, just get knocked up. Guys, we’re still screwed.
Settle down. Lance Bass didn’t turn hetero, he’s just friends with Meadow Soprano.
Halle Berry threw a thousand bucks at some baby clothes. Is she pregnant or just confused on her size? Either way, Catwoman is to blame.
A couple tabloids say Roseanne is the person to beat in the race to replace Rosie. I’d be cool with that, so it’ll end up being Kathie Lee Gifford. Speaking of which, yesterday I mentioned that Kathy Griffin was #3 on TV Guide’s poll to replace Rosie. Is it possible the American public mistook Kathie Lee Gifford for Kathy Griffin?
Elisabeth Hasselbeck got knocked up again. Barbara Walters, however, didn’t pee hot.
Britney Spears was driving in a convertible, lost her hat and nearly lost her wig.
Chris Richardson and Blake Lewis broke Idol curfew to go out. If you get caught breaking curfew, they make you clean vomit off Paula’s clothes.
Larry Birkhead’s ex-lawyer is now working for Hasselhoff’s ex. Don’t let her get the Pam Anderson standups, Dave.
Remember when Danny DeVito showed up drunk on The View after downing limencellos with George Clooney all night? Now, you can buy Danny DeVito’s Premium Limencello for about $25 a bottle. Warning: Do not drink Danny DeVito’s Premium Limencello while watching “Junior.” Safe in conjunction with “Twins.”
Lou Diamond Phillips had a court appearance for fighting with his now-ex girlfriend.
Britney got pulled over for speeding, but police let her off with just a warning. One of those times where it pays to go sans pantie. Meanwhile, she’s writing a tell-all book about her time with Kevin Federline. Whether it’ll include material post-exposed-snatch remains to be seen.
A New York art gallery has a sculpture of a naked, deceased Paris Hilton on an autopsy table, with her dog Tinkerbell looking confused. It even has removable guts. Getting one particular mold was easy.
Sheryl Crow says she was joking when she said everyone should limit themselves to one square of toilet paper. She couldn’t get anyone to smell her finger for proof.
Larry Birkhead’s daughter is now officially Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead. You should’ve seen it before they ran out of room on the birth certificate.
Anna Nicole’s designer, Bobby Trendy, put together a video response to smack talk from Anna’s former hairdresser.
Arnold Schwarzenegger got a $10 thousand donation from Donald Trump. Magically, Arnold showed up on The Apprentice. Some say it’s suspicious, but I say there’s no way someone would settle for just 10 grand to show up on that heap.
A TV Guide poll puts Kathy Griffin number three on the public’s list to replace Rosie. Let’s see, who could we pick to make sure Donald feels comfortable calling them a loser?
Donald got booed off the JumboTron at a Laker game.
Police arrested 2005 Idol Top 10 finalist Jessica Sierra for hitting a guy in the head with a glass at a cafe, and for coke possession. Amazingly, Justin Guarini was nowhere to be seen.
Simon Cowell messes with Paula’s head throughout episodes of American Idol.
Paula had trouble conjuring words on a QVC segment selling her jewelry line.
Tracy Morgan has to wear an alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet as part of his DUI plea deal. How will he cope with being Tracy Morgan?
This is Chris Casey’s latest film. Take 25 minutes to watch and enjoy. Here’s his MySpace site.
London Police arrested Hugh Grant for throwing a family-sized tub of baked beans at a photographer. He also kicked the guy three times and possibly told him he hopes his kids die of cancer. Seems reasonable to me.
The New York Post says Rosie tried to kick Barbara Walters off The View. Or fart her off it, at least.
Anna Nicole’s former hairdresser to her former designer, Bobby Trendy: “Can you cut it out man, I’m gonna have to kick your ass, seriously! You have no business being in her movie and you know it!”
A woman obsessed with Sandra Bullock tried to run her Mercedes over Sandra’s husband, motorcycle guy Jesse James. That’s what happens when you make movies like “The Net.”
Richard Gere has a warrant for his arrest in India for kissing a woman in public. He could get three months.
Gwen Stefani and Pink were cut from Idol Gives Back, because of time constraints. Pink’s “U + UR Hand” translates a little rough to Africans, anyway.
I thought she was legal a la the Dawson’s Creek cast, but I just found out the Heroes cheerleader is only 17 in real life. I feel creepy.
Pam Anderson filmed one of those awkward DirecTV commercials where they splice struggling actors’ commercial pitches into the middle of classic movie and TV scenes. In this case, Baywatch. Is nothing sacred?
Tyra Banks grabbed Rosie’s boobs on The View. Rosie’s boobs took awhile to let go.
Mel Gibson’s in Costa Rica. My money’s on Costa Rica.
Random: rapper Eve got busted for DUI and got a visit from Sean Penn in jail.
As expected, Rosie announced she’ll be leaving The View when her contract expires this Summer.
Also, as expected, Donald Trump took credit for “Rosie’s firing.”
Alec Baldwin taped an appearance for this Friday’s View, and it’s supposed to have been quite the scene, indicating he wants off 30 Rock. Sounds like someone wants Rosie’s job. NBC says he’s going nowhere.
Britney Spears is rarely seen with Sean Preston, and only seen once with Jayden James since his birth. Isn’t that a good thing?
Meanwhile, Britney was spotted drinking wine one day and sake the next.
Creepy Jessica-and-Ashley Simpson baby-daddy Joe wants to manage Britney. It’ll be far less awkward sleeping with someone outside the family.
Scary Spice is ready for Eddie Murphy to come take his paternity test. If he doesn’t step forward, maybe Howard K. could stop in to help.
Kirstie Alley might end up on someone’s jury. If she doesn’t eat the other potential jurors, that is.
Girls Gone Wild douche Joe Francis has even more legal problems. Some 18-year-old girl says he touched her boobs, ass and thigh after she told him to stop. A free T-Shirt couldn’t work his way into her pants.
Alec Baldwin fired his agents for “personal reasons.” To spend more time leaving angry voicemails?
Kim Bassinger scored a modeling deal with a skincare product. No word on an anger management product for Baldwin just yet.
TMZ says Paris Hilton and Josh Henderson broke up, citing the “single” MySpace status for Josh. He even modified his partying plans to avoid her. Did you expect her to do the same?
Angelina Jolie filed to change Pax Thien Jolie’s name to Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt. It must have something to do with their impending divorce.
One of Diddy’s bodyguards threatened a cameraman: “Don’t shoot him … it’s not going to be a good situation if you shoot him.” Do light bulbs cause Diddy to break out into a performance or something?
Britney’s looking good enough to show off the stomach again. How long before she has the confidence to start showing off the crotch again?
Sanjaya got slimed and read Letterman’s Top 10 all in one day. How many of our fine institutions will he wreck before we stop him?
Rosie MC’d a women in the media event in New York. She’s not over Trump. She went off on him, grabbed her crotch and said “eat me.” The 17 high school girls in attendance took notes.
Keith Richards mom died this weekend. He promptly called his coke dealer.
Joe Francis has 23 days left in jail. The Girls Gone Wild founder pleaded guilty to contempt, for messing up negotiations with seven woman who weren’t happy about their breasts becoming public. In prison, some cop killer constantly yells “Girls Gone Wild! Joe Francis! Whoo!”
Sanjaya says: “I’m not just a musician, I’m an entertainer.” Like a clown?
Ellen will be co-hosting with Seacrest for Idol Gives Back this week.
Kelly Clarkson bought Guitar Hero 2 at Best Buy the other day.
Jason Wahler, Laguna Beach’s flop of a porn star, played a game of Russian Roulette. He survived. Sorry.
Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline were at the same party in Vegas this weekend. What? They can’t occupy the same time and space. Have we learned nothing from Timecop?
You’d think Rosie O’Donnell would be on Sheryl Crow’s side of the global warming argument. But Rosie says her big fat ass can’t possibly be treated with one square of toilet paper.
Shanna Moakler posted Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan’s phone numbers on MySpace. She said it was retaliation, as one of them might’ve been responsible for leaking her contact information first, using a fake Harry Morton MySpace page. Confused?
Some Russian douche bag paid J. Lo $2 million for a 40 minute concert for his wife.
People Magazine brought Sanjaya as their guest to the White House Correspondents Dinner. He wasn’t asked to sing.
Phil Stacey replaced Sanjaya as the contestant to vote for at votefortheworst.com. Is it because he wears a different queer hat each week?
Larry Birkhead said he needed to call his travel agent, hinting that he’s taking his kid home soon.
Alec Baldwin can’t see his 11-year-old daughter for the time being, thanks to the verbal abuse he dropped on her voicemail. Here’s Alec’s statement to the media.
Alec Baldwin’s Letterman appearance might’ve caused the whole situation. He called her right after it aired.
Nick Lachey and his girlfriend are living together. Don’t answer the door when MTV’s knocking, Nick.
TMZ has some funny video of Kelly Osbourne getting frustrated with a valet.
Sheryl Crow got into it with White House goon Karl Rove on global warming.
