Matt Stooks

Robbing the cradle, legally:

Saudi marriage officiant Dr. Ahmad al-Mu’bi told Lebanese television viewers last week that it’s permissible for girls as young as 1 to marry — as long as sex is postponed.

If it weren’t for that pesky sex clause, we could count on our pedophiles leaving the United States.  Damn teases.

Iran’s president says the United States and its allies tried to kill him when he visited Iraq, but he was too clever for them.

“Based on reliable intelligence, our enemies had plans to kidnap and kill your servant. But we intentionally made last-minute changes in our schedule.”

Israel is running scary military exercises.

Those exercises – reportedly involving about 100 fighters, tactical bombers, refueling planes and rescue helicopters – were conducted about 900 miles west of Israel’s shores in the Mediterranean. Iran’s nuclear facilities at Bushehr, Isfahan and Natanz all fall roughly within the same radius, albeit in the opposite direction. The point was not lost on Tehran, which promptly warned of “strong blows” in the event of a pre-emptive Israeli attack.

A Bushie thinks it could happen.

Former US Ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, said on Tuesday that he believes Israel will stage a raid against Iran’s nuclear facilities if Democratic nominee Senator Barack Obama wins the upcoming presidential elections.

“I don’t think they will do anything before our election because they don’t want to affect it. And they’d have to make a judgment whether to go during the remainder of President Bush’s term in office or wait for his successor.”

“I think if they are to do anything, the most likely period is after our elections and before the inauguration of the next President,” Bolton said in an interview with FOX News.

One Bushie is never enough.

President Bush is more likely to attack Iran if he thinks Senator Barack Obama may be elected, Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol told FOX News Sunday morning.

Kristol added that if Senator John McCain was going to win the presidency, Bush would “think it more appropriate” to let him deal with the issue.

Here’s what the UN’s nuclear watchdog guy says.

A military strike on Iran would turn the Middle East “into a ball of fire,” said Mohamed ElBaradei, the head of the United Nations’ nuclear watchdog agency.

“In my opinion, any military strike — as I mentioned — is the worst thing that can happen now,” said ElBaradei, head of the International Atomic Energy Agency.

“It will make the Middle East turn into a ball of fire. It is a lot worse than having sanctions. A military strike will lead Iran, even if it plans today to manufacture a nuclear weapon, to establish a crash course to speed the process to have the weapon with the blessing of all Iranians, even those living in the West.”

We might need to drill off shore, after all.  I just hope it’s all bullshit posturing.  We’re screwed if it isn’t.

Al Gore endorsed Barack Obama tonight. It was a great speech.

Here’s what the New York Times had to say, with a little meaningless Stooks commentary.

Mr. Gore had purposefully stayed on the sidelines during the long Democratic primary fight. He announced his decision to endorse Mr. Obama on Monday afternoon in a message to supporters on the former vice president’s vast e-mail list. Their appearance at the Joe Louis Arena here touched off a flurry of curiosity among Democrats gathered in the crowd, with many quietly asking if Mr. Gore would be on Mr. Obama’s list of prospective running mates.

Al Gore “purposefully stayed on the sidelines during the long Democratic primary fight.”  By the way, there was a Clinton in the primary.  He was very smart to stay loyal to them.  Al never crossed Hillary’s supporters, either.  Hmmmmmm.

If they could convince him, Al Gore would be a golden Vice President.  They could position him perfectly.  If Barack chose Hillary (which is close to impossible), everyone would say “I thought you were about change.  I remember her from before.”  But Al Gore has been presenting himself as Mr. Future for so long, he’d skip over that charge.

The decision to stage the appearance in Michigan underscored the importance of the state for Mr. Obama. It was also in Michigan that former Senator John Edwards unveiled his endorsement of Mr. Obama in a surprise setting.

…

Every few minutes, Mr. Obama would make a reference to Mr. Gore’s prescient decisions and judgments, referring to Iraq as “a war that Al Gore understood should never have been authorized and never should have been waged.”

Barack Obama and Al Gore would be the “I told you so” candidates.  Obama would smash McCain regardless, but the two of them together make John seem more out-of-date than he already does.

Then, Mr. Obama turned to climate change and energy, saying: “Al Gore has done more to educate the world about this problem than anyone, but I have to say, as extraordinary as Al Gore’s work has been, there’s nothing like $4 a gallon gas to get your attention.”

I seriously think the VP job is Al Gore’s if he wants it again.  These two are way too good together to not consider it seriously.

From the AP:

In 2000, Gore won the popular vote but lost the disputed election to George W. Bush, who captured Florida and its electoral votes after a divided Supreme Court ended the recount of ballots. Since then, Gore has made combatting global warming his signature issue, and has been recognized worldwide for his effort — from an Academy Award to the Nobel prize.

Al has quite the resume.

“It means a lot, obviously,” Obama said of Gore’s support, as he greeted workers outside the General Motors Flint Engine South plant. “He’s somebody who is a visionary, not just for the party, but for the country.”

Gore also asked for donations to help fund Obama’s effort — the first time he’s asked members of his Web site AlGore.com to contribute to a political campaign.

He didn’t ask his supporters to give to John Kerry?  This makes me think the Democrats threw that election so Iraq could get crappier under Bush.  Think about it.  John Kerry would have the same pile of Iraq shit on his hands that Bush would have.  Might as well have the Republicans get the stink on their fingers.  I think I’ve proven that, huh?  We see right through you, Gore.  You weren’t counting on this brain (Seinfeld).