“I told you so!” – Larry Birkhead. Larry Birkhead is the baby daddy. Howard K. Stern is already letting Larry see his kid. What a nice guy. Anna Nicole’s mom plans to keep fighting for custody of Dannielynn. Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband wishes good luck to Larry and the baby. Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee…
Britney Spears took in another Laker Game this weekend. No one was blinded or otherwise hurt by her vagina. Kevin Federline threw out handfuls of fake $50 bills at a Vegas nightclub. I guess you should know what your getting when K-Fed starts throwing out cash. TMZ says Sharon Osbourne is replacing Brandy on America’s…
Britney Spears and her manager are having a tough time since she left rehab. I guess it’s not as fun a job when you don’t have a live action Basic Instinct set in front of you at all times. Britney cut $1 million off the home she shared with K-Fed in Malibu. Now, if she…
Britney Spears went to her sister’s Sweet Sixteen in a see-through shirt and no bra. Add a weird stain, and it’s totally February 2007 Britney! “Just be glad I didn’t wear the matching pants.” Life & Style says Britney met singer-songwriter Howie Day in rehab, and now they might have a bit of a fling…or…
Howard K. Stern is thinking about hiring the Ramsey’s lawyer to go after media outlets accusing him of murdering Anna Nicole or her son. It worked out well for the Ramseys, right? Songwriters are already working on tunes for Idol-suckee Sanjaya. They have all the notes from “Mary had a Little Lamb” to work from.…
Britney Spears went jewelry shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. She needs to accessorize that vagina for the next photo shoot. Britney managed to go to a nightclub and drink Pepsi without the aid of alcohol. Her panties remained in place, too. Producer Timbaland says he isn’t working with Britney on her new album.…
Britney Spears took in a Laker game this weekend. They mounted her on a pole and used her vagina as the goal. Avil Lavigne says her mom forced her to a Britney Spears concert before Avril got famous. Howard K. Stern’s appeal got denied. That means we should get to find out the true baby…
Britney Spears topped the “Most Foolish American” poll, just edging out Paris Hilton and George W. Bush. The President was just one crotch shot away… Meanwhile, Britney finalized her divorce with Kevin Federline for $1 million. He would’ve got more had he not wrecked her “bizzness.” Prosecutors want a judge to revoke Paris Hilton’s probation…
Britney Spears went to an actual dentist for her toothache. Now, if we could just get her to the gynecologist… Sanjaya’s family is so over all the bad press. In fact, they’re challenging the media to “bring it on.” Consider it “brought.” Meanwhile, it’s hunger strike Day 12 for this MySpace Sanjaya-hater. Donald Trump wrote…
The courts are using the same lab as Maury Povitch for Anna Nicole’s baby-daddy testing. If they work this into an episode of Maury, I’ll never be sad again. Bomb threat at E! Don’t get your hopes up. Seacrest wasn’t in the building, and it wasn’t a legit threat, anyway. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt…
Britney Spears lost 10 pounds in rehab…all in her liver. Just before her toothache, Britney Spears’ security pulled a gun on a photographer at a church. I’m still not sure what Jesus would’ve done if he were her security. Cocky potential baby-daddy Larry Birkhead threw down some serious coin at Baby Gap. Maybe he’s just…
Anna Nicole didn’t kill herself, and neither did anyone else. We’ll have to find something else to occupy our time now. Britney’s people said it was a toothache, not a relapse, that sent her to the hospital Sunday. Kevin Federline spent his 29th birthday with Shar Jackson, his inaugural baby mama. A German TV network…
Friday night, Britney Spears made her first public appearance since rehab. She went to a dance class and had dinner with her girlfriends. Her vagina, meanwhile, stayed behind closed doors. Mel Gibson to an expert on Mayan culture: “Lady, f**k off.” She had challenged some of the representations in his movie Apocalypto. How insulting…he didn’t…
Despite stories saying he’ll get close to 20 million, TMZ says Kevin Federline’s only gonna get about one million in his divorce from Britney Spears. And a source close to her rehab experience says Britney has become “nice as well as reasonable.” Reasonable being defined as just a hair above an exposed vagina. If you…
Larry Birkhead turned in his DNA, and only if he’s a match will Howard K. Stern have to do the same. And if they both match, they’ll rock, paper, scissors for the baby. Hoff was clubbin’ it up in Vegas again the other night, and fans bombarded him for a photo. Luckily he doesn’t realize…
Britney Spears is out of rehab and hoping to stay away. She wants her privacy, even if she’s pushing her vagina up against a photographer’s camera. Scandal! Those homoerotic exchanges between Cowell and Seacrest might be scripted. A judge has finally ordered Howard K. Stern to fork over some of his coveted DNA. Busted! Mary-Kate…
Miss USA says she could be dead if it weren’t for Donald Trump’s intervention. It pays to not be fat or ugly to get Trump’s help. Salma Hayek is getting a lot of attention for the Supersizing of her breasts since she got knocked up. Ripe cantaloupes Jennifer Hudson says she isn’t a diva, at…
Angelina Jolie plans to be a stay-at-home mom for awhile. E! says the fifth season of The Simple Life will have Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie as counselors in a fat camp. I’m sure they’ll get results. Simon Cowell regrets turning down a $100 thousand offer to critique a couple’s lovemaking. “It reminded me of…
Angelina Jolie’s 3 year-old Vietnamese son’s adopted name is Pax Thien Jolie. It means “Good peace” or something ridiculous like that. Jennifer Aniston, obviously frustrated with Brangelina and their adoptive ways, is thinking about a move back to New York. You can send your “thoughts and inspirations” to Britney Spears through her website. However, her…
Cocky ass: Larry Birkhead shopped at Babies ‘R’ Us. Angelina Jolie is in Vietnam, presumably to pick up a kid. Jessica Simpson wants to adopt a kid. She’s copycatting Madonna copycatting Angelina. WTF?! Don King met with the Pope. I can’t wait for Pope-Tyson on Pay Per View this Fall. “I don’t tell anyone where…
Add bipolar and bulimic to Britney’s problems. Howard K. Stern still hasn’t forked over his DNA. Donald Trump says Rosie O’Donnell gets depressed by looking the the mirror. Brad and Angelina plan to keep living in New Orleans for awhile. An American Idol accountant says former contestant Mario Vazquez sexually harassed him. Somehow, he couldn’t…
Antonella Barba says those photos were for her own personal use, not for everyone else. I guess she needs a pictorial reminder of how to use the toilet. Law & Order: Criminal Intent will do its own version of the Anna Nicole Smith story this May. James Brown’s corpse will play the role of Anna…
Idol’s Antonella Barba says she’ll stick around L.A. for awhile to see what kind of offers she can muster. She would like singing, acting or modeling…toilets. With Antonella and Sundance Head gone, Votefortheworst.com is encouraging viewers to keep voting for Sanjaya. Meanwhile, Simon says he’ll quit if Sanjaya wins. Maggie Gyllenhaal will take Katie Holmes’…
Kevin Federline is keeping up his regular visits to Britney in rehab. Let’s just hope he’s rolling tape again. Or is he? The Enquirer says he’s been pitching a reality show about a clueless dad trying to raise two sons. Before her first rehab, a clothing store’s employees say she had staff watch her kids…
Justin Timberlake’s producer/songwriter Timbaland says he and Justin are ready to bring Britney back to some kind of musical form once she becomes somewhat reasonable. Maybe JT just needs her for “Rancid box in a box.” Britney didn’t take Kevin Federline’s Ferrari away after all. Or he just got it out of her garage during…
Britney Spears will mark one week in rehab if she makes it to Thursday, but her family is thinking the full month might be too much to ask. A couple of days without attacking a car with an umbrella or turning into Satan might be enough. Simon Cowell has a pretty reasonable grip on the…
Pardon my filthiness, but I saw this on Yahoo’s front page today and chuckled: Start the week off with roasted red snapper tonight. Britney Spears went on a $3 thousand online-rehab shopping spree. Pretty cheap if she had to have “666” or “My toddlers are the spawns of the anti-Christ” etched onto every item. If…
Britney Spears is reading Brooke Shields’ book on post partum depression. If that doesn’t take, Brooke says she would meet with Britney. If that doesn’t take, maybe they’ll look at putting her down. Angelina Jolie filed adoption papers in Vietnam as a single parent. Anna Nicole’s grave has become the number one tourist site in…
John Travolta says Scientology could’ve saved Anna Nicole. “We could have helped her with Narconon but didn’t get a chance.” I wish I made that up. Everyone got excited, thinking Britney Spears was wearing her wedding ring. After forensic examination of the picture, TMZ.com says the ring she’s wearing is not her wedding band. It…
Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck enter catfight territory. Rosie told Elisabeth “You’re very young and you’re very wrong” as they were fighting over the Patriot Act. Paris Hilton’s been arrested for violating her probation, driving with a suspended license. Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have been playing tonsil hockey all over Italy. Looks like baby-daddy-mama-drama…